I gave Chris some smaller baby clothes for my maternity bag earlier just incase baby is early as whats in there wont fit him lol.....im just pleased I have it packed this time as I didnt have anything ready with Jenni.

I know the lad isnt my problem or anything but because Chris has known him for so long and I regard him as family I'm just worried about how he'll end up if we dont find out whats actually wrong as such.

This hasnt been the easiest pregnancy anyway within itself but since I've been preg I have had to go to court twice over my daughter, had upteen issues with my stepdad, had my sister reveal a rather upsetting thing about my brother, dads cancer has come back, dad has lost his job, my brother being a tearaway and upsetting my mum to the point where she'd be in tears, hassle off Jennis dad, chris's nan isnt well at all and throughout it all I have had Chris move in and we have been trying to sort the house out for the baby and Christmas and now we have this and also next door has had a lot of problems with her fella....dont get me wrong I love the fact Chris has moved in with me, my sister trusts me enough to tell me something that was extremely hard and difficult for her to tell, and that next door trusts me enough after a short time to talk to me about things and that I have a baby on the way but some days I feel like I havent had chance to breathe lol

xx

I no longer talk to one of my brothers because he smokes pot, he claims the pot doesn't affect him but i lived under the same roof with him for 19 years and i could always tell when he had and when he wanted it.  Over the years he's developed a serious anger problem and become so parinoid its scary.  I also had a nasty ex and find it very hard to tolirate as he smoked it too and was always more violent with me after a smoke.  Its a difficult situation as like someone said, teenagers rebel, its trying to find the right way to stop them doing this sort of thing thats hard.  I think its very good that he respects the people he's about as he's more likley to listen.  I sorry i dont really have any advise, but i do hope all goes well, hopefully you wont end up having bubs unexpectadly

What you have all said does make sense so thank you my heads been going round and round in circles as even though I've not known him long he is regarded as family.

I know that he is 13 so experimenting etc is all par for the course, its the way life goes and is natural, I think it could be more of a case of his mum being at her wits end with him and not sure what is going to happen next. As far as we are aware he has been taking his meds.

Never thought it could be a problem with girls as it would make sense. I've asked Chris if he can think of anything that may have happened at school or home that would be making him do this and Chris cant think of anything at all.

We are still going to Wales tomorrow once Chris has sorted the brakes on the car so hopefully we'll have more of an idea about things.

xxx

sounds like he has a problem wit girls tbh! as both incidenents u've said are both basically fighting/lashing out on girls. maybe thats where the problem is. maybe he's struggling wit feelings of sexuality? possibly gay? or maybe the he fancies the girls but they turned him down and he finds it difficult to deal wit the rejection and has lashed out? would explain why its not a continous problem with it happening all the time iyswim?

i do think his reaction may be down to the ADHD but i dont think its the full problem as it would be going on all the time for yrs not just suddenly. think there is another problem there.

if it helps i read in the sun today that smoking cannabis can cause man boobs! tell him that see if that'll stop him! lol x

I've just realised I've blabbered on for ages and actually said nothing of any use! Sorry! Hopefully someone else will be able to help a bit more! lol

Not much good but I grew up with a boy who has ADHD, he's a few years younger than me and our Mum's were friends.

He got into a ridiculous amount of trouble as a child and a teenager, he's been in and out of court endlessly. He was violent towards his mother and brother, stole and lied. However, he REALLY is a lovely boy, I know it sounds ridiculous, but he was so confused by the constraints we are all used to. He would get so frustrated that he would end up being naughty or lashing out at someone.

He's now 21 and hasn't been in trouble in years, he calmed down loads as he got older and was able to kind of recognise what he was doing. He's gone back into education and is doing incredibly well even for a 21 year old boy without this condition.

All I can say is what I've seen, and that it does get better. The smoking bit is pretty normal for any boy or girl of that age though! I started smoking myself at 12 (although I've quit now) so I'd be an hypocrit to say anything else! As for the weed, well that's a very personal decision to make. My friend smokes it regularly and has attributed a lot of his calming down to it. But there are others that smoke it a few times, love it and end up doing nothing with the rest of their lives! I think experimenting is normal, he should be aware of the dangers though.

The problem with a lot of people with this condition is that they have no ability to empathize, so they genuinely have no idea of the hurt they are causing.

Still think it is more likely to be ADHD related honey. I experienced my friend and her son going through it and this sounds really like the way it all started with him. Its more likely to be him NOT taking his medication that makes him behave badly than an adverse effect of the medication.

He is normally a good lad, yeah he plays up but dont all kids. Last year though we found out he took a knife to a young girls throat who lives over the road from him so the police were involved and he seemed to have stayed in line until around now really and all this has happened. He does talk to Chris about things and opens up to him so we are hoping that we will get some kinda answers over the weekend.

I've said that he cant really be grounded for however long as he'll just sneak out plus its not going to find out why he has been doing it, I have said to Chris that the lads mum needs to find out why he is doing it before she decides how to deal with the situation.

Hi Dea17,

Didn't want to read and run but im not sure what to say other then talking to him with out judging is probably the best way to deal with problems of this kind. It is normally a reaction to other stuff going on behind the scences and until he deals with the initial problem then this acting out behaviour wont stop.

Shoating and disapproving will just push him away further but having a willing ear and the facts to hand about drug use (rather then preaching) should gain/build his trust to tell you/chris what is going on.

I know its awful but I think i would rather know what my child is up to and that he/she can talk to me about any thing with out feeling ashamed rather then them hiding it and being in possible real danger.

saying that he also needs to understand the consequences of his actions, especially the violence and be punished for it but in a rationale calm way rather then grounding for x amount of time. Sitting down with the teacher or pupil he hit and getting him to apologise and recognise his behaviour is as strong a deterent then any thing.

Good luck honey,x

tbh sounds like a 13yr old hiting puberty and rebelling! but if i found my dd smoking pot i would hit the roof! i've never done drugs and dont think there is any reason for anyone doing them.

maybe there is something troubleling him at home or school? maybe he is getting bullied? sounds very attention-seeking like he's crying out for help. espec as its very out of character. maybe ur friend should make an appointment with his teachers and find out if anything has changed at school. maybe its something tiny like u having a baby. if he really looks up to and respects ur partner he might be getting worried that he's gonna be forgotten about by chris having a child of his own. and espec at a time when he is changing from being a boy but also growing up and becoming a man sorta thing.

sorry i cant be too much help as dont have any experiance of 13yr old boys but hope that helps xx

This sounds awfully like my friends son.

If his behavious has been diagnosed as adhd, then the chances are that his ability to make completely sensible and rational judgements about people and situations is impaired. Not his fault, just part of the condition. He may become quite trusting of people he doesn't really know, and may become quite easily led and "gullible" so to speak. In that respect, peer pressure to smoke, smoke pot etc. can have more of an effect on someone with ADHD than someone without, who is better able to make judgements for themselves.

It could also be that if he is being violent, he may have stopped taking his medication. Unless his mum can actually see him taking his tablets, he could be hiding them, thinking he can control his ADHD himself. He needs to make sure he takes them all the time to prevent this behaviour. If he comes off his meds then the chances are he could end up like my friends son - getting in with a bad crowd, getting into lots of trouble with the police and having a criminal record as long as your arm.

The thing is, this condition can be as frustrating for the sufferer as well. They can be the mildest mannered child inside, but this condiiton is something they know about and can't control it themselves.

He needs to also try to stay off foods that are over-processed and contain loads of e-numbers. Particularly bad ones for my friend's son were Skittles, Coke, Fanta, pick'n'mix jelly sweets and anything garish or highly coloured, as well as processed meats like sausage rolls etc. Keep him off anything with aspartame in it.

It might also be worth seeing if her son can be re-assessed for any other underlying conditions, as my friend's son also had ADD, Tourette's Syndrome and Ticks. These tend to become more noticeable or tend to start to occur at puberty - about now for him.

As far as the smoking goes, maybe if he does respect Chris, it would be a good idea to get him to try to explain the dangers, why everyone is so upset about him doing it, and the same with the weed. Try not to get too overheated about it because you have to realise that at least a certain amount of this will be due to his condiiton, and not just being a hormonal teenage scroat. The violence issue also would have to be tackled, because it is absolutely not acceptable. Maybe you could also point out about your own views on violence, and make it clear to him that there is no way he will be allowed to be near the baby or you until he can prove that he can take his medication properly, he can keep his hands to himself, stop the smoking and can behave properly.

His mum could also ask for help from the local education department or social work department to see if there is any work that can be done with him to help prevent things getting out of hand, like anger management techniques etc? Also advise your friend to see if she can be trained in CALM techniques - poss social work department or local college may be able to help. This is a recognised and certificated method of calming violent people down and a safe, non-injury inducing way of restraining people to stop them hurting themselves or others if they begin to become violent.

Sounds horrendous and I'm not scaremongering, but I am offering advice based on my friend's son's situation, which I was involved in for a while. Its really hard. Don't know if that's any help but the similarities in this were too close for me to just not reply.

xx

Chris and I have a friend in Wales who we see quite often, she has 3 kids (eldest a girl and then 2 boys). The weekend of 8th November Chris, I and his sister went there for the weekend for Chris's birthday, we went to watch fireworks Sat night and when it came to leave her 13 year old lad had gone missing....everyone was looking for him and he eventually came back to where the fireworks were but his mum had been told he'd been seen smoking so when we got in she asked him if he had been smoking and he hesitated then said no so it was left to rest as it were.

A few days a go she got told that he had been caught smoking pot so understandably she has hit the roof as have Chris and his sister (they have known him since he was little so this lad does respect them) but no-one was sure what to do for the best. The lad is excited about my baby being born but I've said to Chris IF he is smoking pot he wont be allowed around the baby....Chris agreed.

Tonight Chris's sister rang him saying that the lad had been sent home from school because he punched one of his female teachers and was fighting.....with a girl!!! Now because I was in a violent relationship I've told Chris if I see him I'll go mad at him and Chris is far from happy with him. The lads mum has understandably been upset all day and as a result Chris has booked Friday off work so he can do some bits that need doing to the car and then the plan is to go to Wales for the weekend so Chris can have a 'word' with him and give his friend some support....

...this friend really doesnt know what to do for the best so does anyone have any ideas???

He got told last year he has ADHD so he is on meds for that and Chris said maybe its his meds making him like it....but this has all happened within the space of a month and surely if it WAS his meds it would have happened before now!?!? I'm inclined to say its because of the pot smoking as that would make him aggressive, paranoid etc.

I'm also half expecting this baby to be early and a few people have commented on how low bump has dropped that last few days and he is head down so the last thing Chris or I need is this happening as its already on mine and Chris's mind and we are both trying to think of ideas to stop the lad being a little sod basically. I'm not overly happy travelling just incase I do go into labour BUT I want to be there to support her and I'd rather be with Chris incase anything did happen (dont mean to sound selfish by the way)

Thank you in advance and I'm really sorry its so off topic but thought I'd ask you ladies for your opinions on it.