can lightening strike 2x
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- Due in April
- can lightening strike 2x
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2/10/08 13:35
cont....
it would be bad news, but i had so hoped that all would be ok.... i played the waiting game for 3 1/2 weeks and now i've got to do it again until i see my onc...
what i am finding hard is the thought of having to terminate our baby.... i have had 6mc's/mmc's and each 1 i questioned if it was my fault, if it was something i did wrong etc... each 1 broke my heart but there was nothing i could have done to change the outcome, but this time it would be me, my deciosion and i really don't think that i could ever forgive myself if i killed our baby.... by the time i see my onc i will be about 16weeks, i am so hoping that my onc will say they will hold of on any tests and treatment etc till 24 weeks and give our poor baby a chance, i know the babys odds will increase the longer they leave me but atleast it will have a chance.....
i am sure him upstairs has got a vendetta against me for something... i cant believe that i am having to go through this again, the last pg was stressfull enough, but i just can't cope with this anymore i really can't, but i don't want to see my doc and admit that i can't.... i met the cancer nurse yesterday who said i can call her anytime....
life is a b***, life is cruel, there are so many people who don't deserve the kids they have, or get rid of them because they don't meet their criteria.... i would give the earth to hold my baby in april and know that all will be ok, but i will have to see if that will happen...
i am so sorry that this is so long, but i've been struggling to see through my tears...
thankyou again so much for your support..
alex and little bear (12+6)
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2/10/08 13:16
hi ladies... thankyou for all your kind messages...........
the plastics clinic was running late so i had to go from there to my scan then to see my baby doc...
it's bitter sweet news......
the sweet news is that baby is just fine spot on for dates due 9th april and oh so so so fidgety, my scan took forever as the little bear wouldn't stay still for 2 sec's to measure the skin at the back of neck (for the nuchal scan), i
through the whole scan the poor sonographer thought i was crying with happiness, well part of me was... the bitter news is the biopsy told me what deep down i already knew, the lump was malignant again.... they said they are happy that they have done what they can in terms of removing the lump.... but as it came back in 2yrs the odds of it spreading have increased as again it penetrated the epidermis.... ideally they need to ct scan me from head to toe, but because of baby that isn't an option.... he explained that there are no guaranteed treatments and although during pg the options are limited there are ways round things, and there is no 100% cure for melanomas as they are metastatic, and have the ability to spread to any part of your body...
they said they would get intouch with my onc and get him to see me asap to discuss my options.... hubby came away from this with the positive mind, that all changed after my app with baby doc...
i went for my app with baby doc, and the nurse said he had been called away and that his registrar would see me.... he asked why i was there and i told him baby doc wanted to know the results of my biopsy..... i told him and he said that my consultant would want to deal with it personally so he went away and paged him, he came to see me a while later and then reality hit hubby like a brick... he explained that the treatment for melanoma would seriously harm our baby and that at almost 13 weeks i was running out of time for an easy and safe termination, and that if i was going to terminate then it needed to be done soon..... i told him i can't make any decision until i have discussed all the options and risks with my onc, he said that they want to see me in a month, if not sooner.... it is the truth i know but it broke my heart, and hubby admitted that hearing what he said has made reality hit home hard, he was almost crying too...... i am just so glad that i didn't convince myself all would be ok..... in my heart i knew it was back, gut feeling or what ever you call it i just knew.... but what a b*** life is to have to go through this again whilst pg, only now my options are more limited as it has reared it's ugly head again...
last pg was when i was 1st diognosed and they were positive they had removed all the affected tissue during the wider excision, and at that point it was the case of watch and see if it progresses.... cont with the pg, and get as far past 24wks as you can, then if we have to intervine baby will stand a chance... i suppose this time the options won't be the same as it obviously isn't going to go away and stay gone.... they are more concerned now as the risk of it spreading is slightly higher due to it penetrating again.... but at this point they can only check my lymph nodes by palpating them....
i am gutted and heart broke i knew it would be
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2/10/08 09:25
hope u ok hun thinking of you xxxxx
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2/10/08 08:35
hoping and praying no news is good news
hope u ok hunni thinking of u
(((((((hugs))))))) xxx
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2/10/08 08:27
You havent been back on hun so im not sure how to take that.
I hope ur ok
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2/10/08 08:26
Morning Alex, I have been thinking of you, so hope you are OK hun!
Sending you massive hugs(((HUGS)))
Sadie xxx
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1/10/08 15:24
hi hunni i no we havnt spoken b4 but i have been following ur story and just hope all is well today and wish you all the luck love and hugs in the world
and no matter wot the outcome we are all here for you
take care hunni mandy xxx
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1/10/08 10:56
Alex, I am so sorry I meant t reply to you sooner and wish you so much luck for today hun!
We will all be here for you whenever you need us, massive hugs and you are one courageous and special lady, just don't forget that!
Sadie xxx
I am also known as surprisebump3 in this due in forum
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1/10/08 09:50
Goodluck hun. we are all thinking of you.
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1/10/08 09:35
good luck hun our thought and prayers are with you xx
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1/10/08 08:30
Hope it goes well today, just wanted to let you know Ill be thinking of you x
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30/9/08 20:50
Hope you get good news tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you
Melissa
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30/9/08 13:04
hey hun,
good luck for tomorrow will be thinking about you and fingers crossed its good news!!!
hopefully i will here from you soon and we can be bump buddies!
all my love and luck for tomorrow
kayla 11+5
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30/9/08 11:27
only 1 more sleep then this nightmare will either be over or about to get worse.... tomorrow is gonna be a long day and i'm gonna have to take little evie with me she's going to get so bored, going from app to app....
if it's good news ladies then i'll be back on here telling the world as soon as i get in, if bad news then sorry ladies but it will depend on my state of mind and how i'm feeling as to wether i pop on or not...
i'm finding today hard can't concentrate on anything, i keep day dreaming, and my head feels like it spinning, i'm struggling to hold the tears... these pesky hormones aren't helping in the least....
alex 12+4.... xxxxxxxx
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29/9/08 14:55
Hi hun, i've just read your thread, and honestly don't know what to say. You are going through such a difficult time at the moment, and your doctors are being unfair to put you through more hell by making you wait for your results especially if they already know them. Surely it would be in everyones best interest to tell you sooner rather than later, regardless of the results.
Sending you big hugs and hope that you get the support you need x
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29/9/08 13:37
Hang in there lovely, I cant imagine how stressful this must be for you. Ill be thinking of you xxx
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29/9/08 13:23
Hey Alex,
I have sent you a message hun - feel free to chat anytime - lots of love.
Hayleigh
x x
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29/9/08 13:11
only 2 more sleeps to D day..... thats if i can get some sleep my brain just won't switch off.... i'll just have to wait to see what the 1st brings...
i'm worried sick....
alex ........ 12+3.............
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26/9/08 22:59
thank you... i know i am not alone but i do feel it at times, until i started posting on here i had no 1 who would chat openly about it.... i have thought about going to see my gp to see if they have the results as i can't stand the not knowing, but then at the same time i don't want to know, i'd rather go hide in fantasy land where the ugly C don't exist... but i have to face reality... wed is going to be so hard emotionally and mentally... i've been negative so that if the results are bad it won't be so hard to take in...
i have spent most of today in tears i just can't cope with it all at the mo... being in limbo not knowing if my baby's future and my future is safe (for now anyway)
to be honest i don't think i could terminate this pg, it would devestate me....
alex ..... 12 wks ..... xxxxxxxx
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25/9/08 14:02
I came across your thread and just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and no words can offer the comfort you deserve but I hope somehow things turn out positive for you and your family.
When i was 6 months pregnant with my DD, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour and the whole process of keeping appointments for consultants, chemo, radio therapy was enough, let alone the stress and worry of the whole situation.
There is so much more for you to think about and I send you all the love in the world and I am not religious but I pray that you and your little one keep safe.
Hayleigh
x x
hi ladies... i am worried sick, 3 days ago i started spotting first brown then pink then red. i always go by how i feel and i've still got sickness extreme tiredness and all but after 6 mc/mmc's i am worried... my gp has arranged a scan for me tomorrow, i sure hope all is well as we go away on sat..... atleast i'll know if hubby's dream came true......!!!!!
to top it off i had an app with my plastic surgeon this morning, to check my scar from the malignannt melanoma i had removed, and my lymph nodes in my groin an knee.... well all is not good....!!!!! i mentioned to him that a lump had appeared on the scarred area.... he looked at it and felt it and explained that it is exactly the sort of lump that they look for, and that it needs to be whipped of as soon as, they've booked me in for the 5th.... so they can biopsy it....
i feel like lightening has struck 2x... i was between 6-7 wks last pg when the skin clinic doctor took 1 look at my mole and told me it was coming off asap as without a doubt it was cancerous, which the biopsy confirmed...
i am scarred witless.... hubby keeps saying it will be fine... but that's what he said last time..... i know i should try to be positive, but i've been waiting 2yrs for the big C to rear it's ugly head, as they've told me that i am high risk of it spreading......
how can i relax and enjoy my holiday...????