can lightening strike 2x
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- can lightening strike 2x
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25/9/08 12:41
hi hun.... i wish i did know the waiting is absolutlely killing me.....
i did go to the dressings clinic on fri 19th, and the nurse was reading my notes and i noticed that there was something written the day before, so i asked if that was the results... she shrugged her shoulders and said that she thinks that i was the lady the surgeons were discussing that morning, i said it can't be good news then can it... she went and spoke to the surgeon and came back... i asked again if the results were back she shrugged again and said i have to speak with my surgeon on the 1st.... at this point i just fell apart and got quite upset, i explained that i neede to know as soon as poss cause of the baby... so she went away again and spoke to the doc who was in surgery at the time, she came back and said that she was told to tell me that i must keep rthe app on the 1st and the doc will talk with me then....
it leaves me to think now that it defo isn't good news, deep down i hope that the results are good, but why would they surgical team have had a meeting about me if there was nothing wrong...???
i am absolutely dreading the 1st i have an app for the results at 9.10... then an app with my baby doc at 10 so i can tell them the results, as they want to know in order to make decisions on the pg... and i have my scan at 11am.... it's going to be a busy stressfull morning.... a roller coaster of emotions.... in a way i can't wait for the 1st as then if it is bad news i know what i'm dealing with, but at the mo i'm in limbo.... it upsets me that every1 seems to have condemed this pg.... i have hit melt down 2x in the last wk and fell apart, i just can't take anymore, i don't feel strong enough to cope with it... if they have kept me in this emotional turmoil and the results are ok i'm going to hit the roof... don't get me wrong i'll be over the moon that all is ok for now anyway... but i'll be furious if they have kept me waiting knowing how much i';m struggling to cope at the mo...
if the results are bad as i am expecting them to be, then i can't make any decisions until i have discussed it at length with my onc in oxford, he is the only 1 who can give me the stats etc; but i really don't think that i could go through with a termination it would absolutely kill me.....
less than a week to wait now, god it is going slow....
thankyou...
alex... 11+6 ...... xxxxxxxxxx
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25/9/08 09:20
hi hunni just wondering how you are? and if youve heard anything yet
xxxxxxxxx
kayla
11weeks today!!
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20/9/08 23:17
i'm just so confused and stressed at the mo, each day the baby grows and developes more nad the thought of having to terminate is killing me, but then if i do have to have further treatment it's unlikely to survive.... it sounds evil and horrid, and please ladies don't judge me for this... but i sometimes find myself thinking that if the results are bad and then i have to go for my scan that they'll say sorry but baby has died so that the decision is taken from me, that sounds so nasty...!!! deep down i wish that all will be ok and there is nothing left to worry about for now antway and we can go on to have a happy healthy pg and in april hold our baby but i'm trying not to think like that for now... as it will amke it so much harder. every1 says i have to terminate but deep down i don't know if i could....
if i wasn't pg then i would just carry on and go with the flow, and do whatever the docs suggest... but it's not just my life i have to consider....
the waiting is killing me 11 days....
alex... 11+1.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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20/9/08 14:49
I can't begin to understand how terrible this is for you. I'm not sure what I can say but i just wanted to know that we are all here for you and whatever you decide to do, i'm sure you'll make the right choice for you and your family.
Big Hugs xxxx
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20/9/08 11:28
my sister inlaw had breast cancer and when i was 1st diagnosed she said you've now joined a club that you would never have contemplated joining and you'll be treated like a completely different person.... and she wasn't wrong... i don't want to be treated different or feel that when i ring the gp for an app even for unrelated things they fit me in with no hesitation, when others might be more desperate to be seen.. i know it is good that they keep a close eye on me... but i sometimes feel like a teenager wanting to rebel...
i think if the results were good then they wouldn't have stressed the importance of keeping my app.... and if they have kept me in suspense and there is nothing wrong then i'll be happy but furious they didn't put my mind at rest sooner...
my baby consultant upset *** src="http://my.bounty.com/smiley/msn/cry_smile.gif" alt="" /> me the other day, we talked about the cancer etc; i told him i get the results on the 1st (app 9.10) the same day as my scan (app 11.00) he told me he wants to see me in between (app 10.00) so that they can decide what to do about the pg, as our baby would be unlikely to survive the chemo etc; this really upset me i know it's the truth but at the end of the day it is my choice not theirs.... and i won't make any decision until i've discussed things with my onc as he is the only 1 who can give me the full facts...
i'll be almost 13 weeks when i see the plastics doc for the results, and time is slowly ticking by.... should i risk it again like last time...????????
alex 11+1
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20/9/08 08:11
I don't really know what to say to you but I didn't want to say nothing. I can't believe they are making you wait for your appointment if they already know your results. I really hope and pray that you get good results.
Melissa
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19/9/08 22:06
i went to have my stitches removed today and asked again if the biopsy results were back, the nurse was reading my notes and said that the surgeons had had a meeting about me yesterday (18th) she said looking at my notes i was the lady he had reffered to that morning, i said it can't be good news then, the nurse just shrugged her shoulders and said i have to see my plastics doc on the 1st to discuss the results.
at this point i just broke down and cried.....i said i can't stand the not knowing anymore, the uncertainty of mine and our babys future... she called the surgeon again but he was in theatre, and was told to tell me that i must keep my app on th 1st......
i just can't cope anymore, i hate to admitt it, but i feel so weak and down... the nurse said she was going to contact my gp cause i'm obviously not coping with this anymore.... i tried to talk to hubby about it but he admitted he doesn't want to discuss it till we have to... he doesn't want to consider the worst...
i read somewhere that malignant melanomas are considered the tyranosaurus of cancers, as 1ce it has penetrated the epidermis and the lyphatic system it has the ability to take hold anywhere.... a friend of mine has been fighting it for 10yrs and they are constantly removing lumps from different parts of her body.... it scares the hell out of me..
i've waited for the big ugly C to rear it's ugly head again for 2 yrs.... i so hope that the results are good but i fear they're not....
alex.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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18/9/08 21:43
i'm fed up of being in limbo, the not knowing is driving me mad and the longer i wait the harder it will be....
i've got an app tomorrow to get the stitches taken out.... that is if it has healed and the infection has gone..... and i'll check again to see if by any chance the biopsy results are back..... i'm not expecting them to be and i'm not expecting good news when they finally do come back....
i'm already fed up of hospitals and doc's, i feel like i'm finally beginning to crack....
sorry ladies just venting a little frustration...
alex... xxx
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9/9/08 13:02
thankyou kayla...... what will be will be...... i really hope your little bean makes it 2 d children....
alex.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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9/9/08 12:56
hi alex, ive just come across your thread so i read your story, and my heart really goes out to you. i really hope that things work out well for you......stay positive and i know its easier said than done but try not to think about it and enjoy your pregnancy for the here and now......i know what it feels like not to know the future of the baby your carrying im on my fifth pregnancy and i only have one child my dd Ella-Louise,
anyway i'm always here if you need to talk and know how hard it is to talk so openly to the ones your closest to
Kayla 8+4
xxxxxx
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9/9/08 12:41
*** class="comment">i had my biopsy done fri.... and my leg is so bloody sore..... i won't get the results till the 1st oct the same day as my dating scan..... i am dreading both....!!!! the scan because i fear they are going to ask me to consider terminating again if it is malignant...? and the results cause my luck isn't that good and i am expecting it to be bad news again.... the 1 thing he did say that was reasurring was that if it is malignant again then atleast it is staying in a localised area and not spreading through out my leg and/or further..... but that still doesn't determine what is happening with my lymph nodes.... and only radiation test can determine that.... but these will considerably harm my baby or worse....
alex 9+4 xxxxxx
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1/9/08 23:44
thank you for your kind words, unfortunately i won't get the results for about 3 weeks.... it's going to be along wait....
xxx
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1/9/08 22:47
I even begin to imagine what this must be like for you, all i can sai is your in my thoughts, and i just pray youll get a good result on friday,
love jen xx
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1/9/08 21:59
...... i don't want them to know i am struggling to cope with all this, i don't want them to think i am a weak person...
i am sorry for the lenghty posts, but it such a relief to talk openly and freely...
thank you... xxx
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1/9/08 15:15
hi ladies..... i pestered my gp for 1 yr for them to remove the mole on my shin, my gp was never concerned... they put off removing it for 5 mths, and it wasn't until i moved and registered with my new doc in june 06 as i was expecting, that they finally listened to me... my new gp said she would refer me that was on the monday, wednesday the hospital rang with an app for the friday, the consultant took 1 look at it & said it's cancerous and it is coming off here & now... 20 mins later it was gone.... i went for the results 3wks later & they confirmed it was what they describe as a large advanced malignant melanoma and that it had penetrated the epidermis, which means that i am at high risk of lymphatic cancer.... they did a 2nd op to remove more tissue and did a skin graft... i have a hole in my leg the size of a tennis ball and it looks like some1 has bitten a chunk out of my leg...
i had 3 further moles removed in feb 07... 1 of which was showing signs of pigmentation regression....
the lump i have now is on the edge of the hole in my leg... but it leaves me to wonder how they are going to remove it as there is no excess skin to sew the edges back together.... i do hope they are not planning another skin graft as last time the donor site hurt 100x more than the hole they cut in my leg, it felt like i had been blow torched.... but if they have to they have to...!!! i could only take paracetamol last time but i ended up in a&e puffing on gas and air for hrs as the pain was so bad...
my onc last time said that if it relapsed or my lymph nodes were affected then i would have to have further treatment ie; chemo etc.... but appart from palpating my groin and knee they would have to consider lympnode test using radiation which would seriously harm the babys development.... to check not only the nodes in my groin but also my liver etc; it was these tests that we decided against last time which meant that i didn't have to terminate our gorgeous little evie...
i can't take hormone contraceptives and we were being so carefull (cap & condoms) as we knew that the big C was just waiting to come bite my butt, but accidents happen.... and now i find myself in the same state again....
i know i should be positive, but i'm looking at it negatively so that if they confirm it's malignant then it won't be so hard to take in... and my hopes won't be shattered...
i'm dreading friday but the wait for the biopsy results will seem to take for ever, the uncertainity of mine and our babys future is going to kill me...
it is such a comfort having all you lovely ladies to talk to and share my fears and worries... i try to talk to hubby but all he keeps telling me is "don't worry it'll be ok, you come 1st" etc... he doesn't like to discuss how he feels and what he thinks, he's lost 2 very close relatives to cancer in less than a yr.....
i'm not alone in this, but i do feel so alone... my eldest daughter (22yrs old) gets to emotional and upset when we talk about it and my eldest son (17 yrs old) gets so angry about it.... my eldest nephew (22yrs old) who i have always been close to will talk openly about it with me as his mum went through breast cancer and chemo etc; but he to gets very angry about it... i feel down, i have considered going to see my gp as i think i'm depressed but i fee
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1/9/08 09:11
Hi hun, I am just wanting to send you massive hugs (((HUGS)))
have they said to you, that if it is not good news and you have to have chemo etc, that you can still continue with the pregnancy, as when I was due in Dec last year, we had a lovely lady who didn't visit often, but she would pop on now and again an she in the early days was found to have breast cancer, it was a very emotional time and she felt all alone, I looked into cancer sites to try to find others pregnant and with cancer and find her support and there were a few ladies with positive stories, well this lady went on to have a healthy baby girl and she didn't let herself bond so much until she arrived, so just wanting you to know that there is hope out there, but I am praying for you , that it is good news and you don't have to go through another stressful pregnancy, wishing you well and sending big hugs (((HUGS)))
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31/8/08 19:56
hi hun I have only just seen your post. I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time (again) have the docs said there is any link with being preg? It must be so hard for you to listen to relatives and friends saying you will have to terminate if it is, but its easier said than actually doing it, It is up to you at the end of the day and sure they will all stick by you whatever decision you make. Wait and see how appt goes and then have a good think, but I am thinking of you and if you want to chat you know there is plenty of girls on here who will listen and help you though. Chin up xx
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31/8/08 19:03
nonie1980... unfortunately it wasn't just me and hubby we had the troop with us.... i wouldn't say the isle of wight is far far away and the weather wasn't hot hot hot.... but the break was good....
i've tried so hard to be strong, i'm not a religous person but hiom upstairs has thrown so much at me and my family over the last 3 1/2 yrs sometimes i just feel like throwing in the towel and giving up....
last pg it was constant rounds of midwife, consultant, plastic surgeon, skin doc, oncologist and gp, i didn't go more than 2/3 wks without seeing a doc of some sort.... good that i was being looked after so well but a slight pain in the butt....
this ikkle 1 was far from planned at first i was in shock and did 5 pg test to be sure, but the idea grew on me and then the news from plastic surgeon.... it didn't just throw a spanner in pond it threw the whole tool bag in... and now my mind is so cerfuzzled.....
i guess i'll have to play the waiting game again.... and just see what him upstairs has in store for me....
xxxxx
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31/8/08 18:28
you must be a strong person cos its only us strongens that get dealt the crap hun. i didnt see your thread on here on the 20th when you wrote before, but just sending you massive hugs to you and bean. think positive i know its difficult.
where did you go on holiday then? some where nice and hot i hope? faraway from this pants weather. mind you yesterday was lush here but it just never lasts. was it just you and hubby? nice and peaceful i hope sounds like you deserved it. keep your chin up x x
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31/8/08 18:16
back from hols now
and so much washing to catch up on, typically it's raining again...!! so tumble dryer is going constantly..... had a wonderfull time....only 2x did i let my mind wander to the big ugly C and the biopsy on fri..... i'm 8+2 now and terrified.... i won't get the results for a couple of weeks by then i'll be about 12wks.... and if it is malignant (fingers crossed it's not) then i don't know what i'll do..... the thought of having to terminate is killing me.... everyone has said to me that i have no choice if is malignant again.... but what if i decie not to and chance it again like last time and pray that it doesn't progress further.... i'm so cerfuzzled.... i'm distancing myself from the baby trying not to let myself get attached....
hubby just keeps saying that it will be fine like he did when the cancer was diagnosed at 9wks last time, he regretted saying that when we had to sit in front of my oncologist and listen to the hard facts, and discuss wether we should terminate or not..?
i know i should wait for the biopsy results but the longer they leave it the harder the choice will be.....
i so wish i didn't have to go through this again...
hi ladies... i am worried sick, 3 days ago i started spotting first brown then pink then red. i always go by how i feel and i've still got sickness extreme tiredness and all but after 6 mc/mmc's i am worried... my gp has arranged a scan for me tomorrow, i sure hope all is well as we go away on sat..... atleast i'll know if hubby's dream came true......!!!!!
to top it off i had an app with my plastic surgeon this morning, to check my scar from the malignannt melanoma i had removed, and my lymph nodes in my groin an knee.... well all is not good....!!!!! i mentioned to him that a lump had appeared on the scarred area.... he looked at it and felt it and explained that it is exactly the sort of lump that they look for, and that it needs to be whipped of as soon as, they've booked me in for the 5th.... so they can biopsy it....
i feel like lightening has struck 2x... i was between 6-7 wks last pg when the skin clinic doctor took 1 look at my mole and told me it was coming off asap as without a doubt it was cancerous, which the biopsy confirmed...
i am scarred witless.... hubby keeps saying it will be fine... but that's what he said last time..... i know i should try to be positive, but i've been waiting 2yrs for the big C to rear it's ugly head, as they've told me that i am high risk of it spreading......
how can i relax and enjoy my holiday...????