can lightening strike 2x
- Forums
- Due in April
- can lightening strike 2x
-
26/11/08 13:12
hello all.....
had such a busy week, had hospital monday with the anesthetist who said that cause of my lung probs and liver then if i was to have a section, planned or otherwise their only option would be for me to have a spinal block..... aarrrrggggghhhhh......... i think not....!!!!! i have never had an epi nor do i want 1 or a spinal....... i had an lumbar puncture a few years ago and it was absolute agony and i swore then i would never let any 1 near my spine with a needle again....
then today i had an app with my baby doc, who after much ranting finlly got some correspondence from oxford, and he explained that all is ok for now, they are not planning on treating me with preventative chemo whilst pg and that i now have to make it as close to term as poss without any complications on the C front..... i am p1ssed off that my onc couldn't let me know sooner but i am so relieved now knowing that there will be no intervention what so ever as long as the ugly C doesn't rear it's ugly head.......
i feel like i have been robbed of my pg, i can't say that at any point i have been excited about it, i'm 21 weeks tomorrow and i still don't seem to have a bond with my fidgety bump..... for some reason i just don't feel like i am acctually going to have a baby, it doesn't seem real.... hopefully that will change on tues when i have my scan....!!!!!!!!!! i feel guilty for ever contemplating a termination,i feel quite upset and emotional
about it to be honest, just knowing i came so close to it is upsetting me, if i feel this bad about it now how guilty am i going to feel when lo is born...?????????? i am just so glad i never listened to that doc who told me to terminate at 12 weeks or lil bear wouldn't be here now.... i feel so relieved even though i can't seem to get use to the idea that i am going to have our baby in the spring... i know that i will never be completely rid of this damn C, i am always going to be living in fear of it, knowing that it is waiting around the corner... i tried to explaine to my oh that i feel paranoid about it... always checking for lumps and bumps and checking my lymph nodes etc... it's almost become an absession, but then i worry that if i don't keep checking then what would happen if i missed something, it could end up being the death sentence that i am so dreading.... i just hope that i start to feel excited and start to look forward to holding lil bear in the spring.....
anyway enough rambling, i really hope that my scan on tuesday helps me start to bond with my bump....
love and hug's to all....
alex and lil bear 20+6
-
21/11/08 22:46
awwwwww hunni sorry but not advice to the pain................but im so sorry but cant help laughing at what youve said tie mtself upside down on the door frame........... feel like youve been kicked by and elephant!! brilliant first time ive laughed all day
right im off to bed nighty night xxxxx
-
21/11/08 22:26
evening mummies to be... well just a quick update...
went hospital on wednesday and baby doc is still concerned that they have had no correspondence from oxford what so ever.... so they still can't set up a plan of care, he is concerned wether they are going to treat me at some stage during this pg, and if so when so that they can make plans to deliver lo early they said that they would be happy to deliver at 28 wks by section, but hopefully there will be no need to deliver lo any earlier.... he is concerned as to how long will be safe enough to delay treatment.... so he said he is fed up of waiting for them to reply he is going top ring and speak to my onc asap....
oh well they can faff about all they like i'm 20wks now... i've got to go back next mon to see the anethetist and again wed to see baby doc, then i've got my scan on the 2nd dec and got plastics doc at the beginning of dec but got to check the date.... mw said she wanted to see me at 20 wks instead of 24, but as i am seeing the consultant so bloody often i'll make an app at 24 wks.....
i did chat to him about another lil problem through my last few pg's i had a vein that swelled down below and each pg it got a bit bigger, but it never was a problem until the last 2-3 mths, this time it came up about 5 wks ago and now it is from front to back and all down my left leg... behind my knee goes black and it is really painfull.... doc's advice was don't sit upright, don't stand for long periods, don't left or carry heavy things, don't cross my legs, don't crouch or kneel, don't lay on my back, don't lay on the right side... what am i supposed to do tie my ankles to the top of the door frame and stay upside down..... last night i tried sleeping with a pillow under my toosh so that lil bear would move up off the veins and release some of the pressure... it worked in the sense that when i got up behind my knee wasn't black and i didn't have horrid painfull stabbing pains in my leg all night, but it wasn't very comfy... my poor ctotch feels like i've been kicked by an elephant it is so tender.... doc did say they can treat them but not whilst pg, this lil 1 is going to get bigger and heavier... has anyone got any solutions to help ease the pressure and pain...??????????
alex and lil bear 20wks
-
17/11/08 09:54
What wonderful news for you and your family. I too have been more of a reader than a poster on this thread but am over the moon for you! Love and hugs xxx -
17/11/08 09:35
Great news
Hope everything goes well for you and baby xxxxx -
16/11/08 23:04
Oh hun that is fantastic news.
I'm really pleased to read this, everytime i've read your posts its left me in tears, but this time they are tears of joy for you hunni.
I couldn't even bare to imagine the turmoil you have been going through, but you have been so strong, and your lo has obviously been given your strength as its a little fighter too. Goodluck with the rest of your pregnancy, and try to enjoy it as much as you can. x
-
16/11/08 22:47
Oh Alex thats fantastic news, I'm filling up here reading it. I'm so pleased for you. I hope you can start to relax now and enjoy being pregnant. You are such a brave lady and you have never put yourself first, always thinking of your little bear and your other children so now you should spoil yourself abit and treat yourself. Your such a fighter and a brilliant mum, your little bear is a very lucky baby to have you. Take care and enjoy your pregnancy. Lots of love claire xxxxxx -
14/11/08 23:30
Wahoooooooooo! I'm so happy for you, your family and bubs x x x
-
14/11/08 23:26
that is such wonderful, wonderful news i am so happy for you! x
-
14/11/08 20:03
thankyou so much everyone....
i still can't believe it, after months of worry lil bear has been given a chance.... i know i am still not safe the ugly C is still lingering and i still don't know if or when they will treat me to stop it progressing or relapsing again, our baby will be safe in there for the near future, i now have to make it as far as poss witout showing any more signs/symptoms....
when my cancer nurse told me the message my onc wanted passing on i burst into tears, i had just dropped my kiddies off at school and i stood there sobbing in the playground.... i pulled myself together just enough to ring my oh who had gone to college, he had just pulled up in the car park answered the phone and i just about managed to tell him my C nurse had called through my snivels, his voice dropped and he sounded really worried and he was expecting me to tell him bad news.... i started crying again and just managed to explaine what my nurse had just told me, he was exstatic, and told me to get buying baby stuff....
it i such a relief to know that lo will arrive at a much safer time all being well, i just can't believe it.... yesterday i had just about hit an all time low all the ups and downs and the emotions and uncertainity and today i feel on cloud 9, relieved but there is still a certain amount of uncertainity hanging over me but it is in regards to my own health now i know lil bear will be ok.... i now know that i will have the strength and courage to keep fighting this ugly C aslong as lil bear is safe....
such an emotional turn around, i just don't know what to feel, cause i had switched off, hopefully in the next few days i will start to feel at ease and look forward to preparing for lo....
thankyou....... thankyou...... thankyou...... thankyou....... your support has meant so much..... i can now look forward to sharing my pg with you instead of envying you all.....
love to all...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-
14/11/08 18:52
I'm so pleased for you. it's about time you got some good news
Melissa
-
14/11/08 16:03
Omg that is amazing and fantastic news hunny. wow you must be on cloud 9.
I know i havent posted much but i have been following your posts. And this is just fab
God your eyes must be so swolloen and puffy but at least its with joy this time.
All the best for the weeks ahead and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xxx
Shan xx
-
14/11/08 15:46
Fab news! I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xxx
-
14/11/08 15:02
awesome =)
so happy for ya!
-
14/11/08 14:48
OMG alex thats amazin, im soooooooo happy 4u, uve been a tower of strength 2 us all even amougst ur darkest hrs.
im tryin so hard not 2 cry wiv happiness 4 u, just the thought of ur reaction 'tell alex 2 bring the baby in wenever its born' is makin me smile n cry!!! oh dang these hormones! lol!
but wiv after a pretty poo day uve just lifted my spirits
yay n woo n hoopla 4 u n lil bear
xxxxxxx jess + oompa 18+3 xxxxxxxxxxx
-
14/11/08 14:31
well done you i am so pleased to here a positive outcome and that the medical staff have finially got themselve into gear and sorted thingsout and not left you lingering any longer. Heres to a happy and positive 20 weeks you have left.
Happy bonding
Jo
-
14/11/08 13:11
Alex i have got tears in my eyes i am so happy for you and little bear at long last you can enjoy your pregnancy and you deserve to.
lots of love to you and little bear
Ann Marie and bump 19+2
-
14/11/08 12:57
Awwwwww Alex im so happy for you reading your post has made me cry........i really am pleased for you and little bear ........
its your pure strength and bravery that has got you here and now those little kicks and prods you get your will be able to enjoy and start moaning at us when they get annoying coz they hurt coz your little bear will get so strong!! and by the sounds of it be born when he or she wants to be..............
if i was you i would go and buy little bear a new outfit!! just to celebrate the fact it will be here to wear it!!
lots of love and hugs hunni
START ENJOYING YOU PREGNANCY!!!!
kayla
18+5
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-
14/11/08 12:41
OMG such brilliant news hunni. im sittin here cryin reading ur post lol!!!!
i wish u the rest of ur pregnancy a happy one and the best of luck u deserve it and i hope little bear makes it to fuul term
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
mandy 19wks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-
14/11/08 12:22
i am over the moon for you hun, absolutely thrilled, take care, all our best wishes, Hayley, Molly and bump xxxx
hi ladies... i am worried sick, 3 days ago i started spotting first brown then pink then red. i always go by how i feel and i've still got sickness extreme tiredness and all but after 6 mc/mmc's i am worried... my gp has arranged a scan for me tomorrow, i sure hope all is well as we go away on sat..... atleast i'll know if hubby's dream came true......!!!!!
to top it off i had an app with my plastic surgeon this morning, to check my scar from the malignannt melanoma i had removed, and my lymph nodes in my groin an knee.... well all is not good....!!!!! i mentioned to him that a lump had appeared on the scarred area.... he looked at it and felt it and explained that it is exactly the sort of lump that they look for, and that it needs to be whipped of as soon as, they've booked me in for the 5th.... so they can biopsy it....
i feel like lightening has struck 2x... i was between 6-7 wks last pg when the skin clinic doctor took 1 look at my mole and told me it was coming off asap as without a doubt it was cancerous, which the biopsy confirmed...
i am scarred witless.... hubby keeps saying it will be fine... but that's what he said last time..... i know i should try to be positive, but i've been waiting 2yrs for the big C to rear it's ugly head, as they've told me that i am high risk of it spreading......
how can i relax and enjoy my holiday...????