can lightening strike 2x
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- can lightening strike 2x
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12/10/08 21:13
hi all... lets see if the postie brings me my app this week.... i'm fed up with playing the waiting game it's driving me round the twist being in limbo again.... in my heart i knew what they were going to tell me last time, but i don't know what my onc will say this time..... don't they realise the worry there causing me keeping me in limbo....... aaaarrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
sorry all just me having a little grumble.......
oh well just sit here and wait....... and wait............ and wait................................ and wait..................................................!!!!
alex and little bear 14+2........... xxxxxxxxxx
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10/10/08 11:12
I really hope they bring the date forward for you. I was so sorry to hear that you had bad news but am praying that everything will work out well for you.
Melissa 15+2
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10/10/08 10:57
still waiting to see if there bringing my onc app forward.... haven't heard anything yet....
just sit and plat the waiting game again...... i should be use to it by now...
alex and little bear 14 wks.... xxxxxxxxxxxx
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7/10/08 13:31
thankyou claire..... i know some people won't/don't agree with our choice, but i am trying to do the best for both me and little bear.... what seems strange is that a few days after i found out i was pg, i said to hubby that i felt that there wasn't neccessarily something wrong but something just wasn't right, and that i had a horrid feeling that this baby isn't meant to be... i hope that it was just worry and not intuition.... i'll kiss my onc if he agrees with our decision......
alex and little bear........ xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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6/10/08 20:27
Hi Alex, I'm sooooooo glad to see you back on here. You do sound more positive now that you and your hubby have made your minds up. I really hope that the onc agrees with you and can save both of you. Your a very strong and brave lady who obviously loves her little 'bear' so much. Wishing you all the luck in the world and sending you lots of love and ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) from Claire xxxxxxxx
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6/10/08 16:52
hi ladies... just thought i'd pop up and say hi, and let all you lovely people know that i have made up my mind what i want to do.... we plan to keep our little bear but that decision all rests on what dr onc has to say.... i have an app for the 7th nov, by which time i'll be 18 wks... it's the regular check up app i already had i'm just waiting to see if they are making a sooner 1 i haven't heard from oxford yet.... so just have to wait and see...
deep down i know i couldn't terminate i couldn't cope with the effect it would have on me mentally, and my onc will have to consider my physical health as well as my mental health.... we just hope that if they decide to do tests and treatment etc then they will find a way around little bear and keep baby and me safe....
i made the mistake of looking it up terminations when they asked me to consider terminating evie... i wish i had never looked, how a doctor who performs terminations can sleep peacefully is beyond me... when i fell pg with my eldest i was only 14 1/2 got pressured into it and i was so naieve about sex and stuff that i didn't even twig i was pg until i was 12 wks..... my x's parnets tried to force me into terminating and i couldn't do it..... and i have never regretted it.... i would never judge any 1 for having a termination every1 is different and does it for their own reasons but personally i just couldn't do it.... when evie was born it hurt so much to lokk at her and think that i almost agreed, how could i have even considered terminating something so perfect, precious and beautiful...
but i know if i terminated this lo it would destroy me mentally, hubby kept saying to me you come 1st if you have to we will deal with it.... so on fri i asked him if he knew how they done it and he had no idea, he asked me to tell him so i did..... he has now changed his mind he is scared that this will eventually get the better of me but we plan to go ahead with the pg.... we hope the dr onc will keep our baby safe and find away round baby to do what ever they need to do... i hope if they decide on test and treatment whilst i'm pg then i won't loose our little bear in the process, but atleast in my heart i will know that i tried to give us both a fighting chance....
i have text sam to let her know i'm ok and that i'm putting my trust in dr onc, her message below made me cry... i have never openly discussed it with her as she gets upset... i am worried what my dad will say he is already convinced that he will end up burying his youngest before he dies.... he's 72 and still going strong hardly any grey hair what so ever....
now i have to play the waiting game again to see my onc, i am worried that he will not agree with our decision, but i am a stubborn moo (as hubby and my family say) and i won't let them bully me into making their job's easier....
thankyou to all who have shown such kindness and support..
alex & little bear 13+3....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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4/10/08 21:24
bump
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4/10/08 21:20
Aaww bless you Sam, your mum will be glad to read your message I'm sure. I do hope she is ok as I've not seen her on here for a couple of days. My heart goes out to all your family and I hope you get strength from each other to get through it all. Lots of love Claire xxxxxxx
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3/10/08 23:32
hello its me agen ur big sis has just asked me to post you to say u know she will never judge u on watever u decide to do... whilst u are facing 1 of ur fears she is facing one of hers 2 and u know were her shoulder is if u need it and she says she loves ya loads from mush.... X X X X X
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3/10/08 22:50
hello mum.... i know u dont wanna tlk and i dont want u to think i have been spying on you or invading ur privacy but i needed to know wat happened so i have read this thread..... sorry....! we all love you lots and im not gonna judge you on watever u do i'd love another baby brother or sister but i want/need a mum aswell same as the other 5 do....! but watever you decide you know i'll help u as much as i can......! i never knew u felt as bad as u have sed in this thread, u have put on a bloody good face.....! i dont want this to come across the wrong way but please just make sure you know wat ur doin..... ( easier sed than done i know )........ i know im hard to tlk to because i always end up crying but its just hard to think about wat could happen... but u know were i am...... n e way im gonna go hope to spkto u soon love u always...... sam x x x x x
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3/10/08 17:17
I am really sorry for what you are going through i really hope they let you go to 24wks to give your baby a chance. you are in all our thoughts
ann marie xx
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2/10/08 22:15
Alex, the biggest of hugs to you hun (((HUGS)))and sometimes women are amazing and our bodies in someways can be amazing and also devastating when they are not going to plan!
I so feel for you right now, I truly do and I am going to pray that there is someway, both you and your baby can get through this and I believe in the thinking positive thoughts hun I really do and prayers too, so I am going to be praying for you, after so many natural losses, I feel for you to have to terminate will break your heart totally, on the other hand we have to think of your daughter and husband who both desperatley need you in their lives hun. I pray there is a way forward and I hope you fight this strongly, as you are an amazing woman and what you mustn't do is give up, your life is precious and valuable and so the fight must be so strong hun and we are all behind you as will your family and friends, please don't close yourself off, talk let others comfort you and also you need to get cross and angry so you can find the strength and determination to carry on and fight this ruddy C.
I wish I could do something for you, I really do, but all I can say, is I am as are so many others, here for you anytime, for you to moan, rant rave and share your journey!
Please know you are wonderful and yes don't deserve this but with your husband by your side you can fight anything, be strong hun!
Sending you my love, prayers and massive hugs too
Sadie xxx
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2/10/08 21:00
thankyou for your kind words.... i have spent most of today in tears... i haven't even told my family how things went, i can't even bring myself to ans my home phone as i don't want everyone condeming this baby.... apart from teary conversations with hubby and sobbing on my friend/neighbours shoulder in the street, i seem to have shut every1 out... apart from 1 very kind lady called lynz in the high risk forum... i opened my heart to you kind people in my earlier post, as were all pg together, i know you can all see it from a mum to be's point, and can understand my heart ache.....
i really just don't know how i am going to get through this, it's breaking my heart, like i said earlier i knew what they were going to say, but i had still wished that all would be ok....
how can i sacrifice a life, our babies life, for a life, my life....????
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2/10/08 14:06
Aw hunni words fail me here!!! Really I have never heard anythin so devastating! I am so sorry for you, I hope your onc will allow you to let the baby get to the 24 weeks at least, to give the poor lo a chance! I know this sounds awful but what matters is that you get through this as you have to think of the little ones you already have! I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better but my thoughts are with you!!!
Sending lots of hugs!!!!
Sarah xx
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2/10/08 14:05
hiya alex,
ive been folling your thread since day one and now its come out as bad news i dont no what to say apart from what everyone else has already put............ there are no words i can think of to make you feel any better
but just to let you know im here for you and as since day one your always in my thoughts a prayers
just hoping for the best for you and your family
all my love hugs and hope
kayla xxxxxxx
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2/10/08 13:58
I'm very sorry for the situation you are in - it's just heartbreaking. Wishing you and your little one all the best. Cx
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2/10/08 13:50
oh alex hunni i really dont no wot to say but i am so sorry things havnt gone too well for u. im crap with findin the rite words, but i think u are a very brave lady who doesnt deserve this. 16wks wd be even harder than now to terminate espec since u saw ur lo on screen yest. if u go ahead with ur pg do u no wot the outcome for u and lo are?
again i really dont no wot to say but wotever happens we are all here for u. please try stay in touch with us and we'l support u wotever
take care hunni ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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2/10/08 13:46
I know this must be very difficult for you and I can only say that you are a very brave and courageous woman!! I don't think anyone knows what you are going through and I will only pray that they will give your baby an opportunity to grow and then to make you better.
I will be thinking of you and praying that everything will be alright
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2/10/08 13:46
Omg hunny iwas so wishing for a better outcome for you.
I know it is hard but you must hold on. as you said at th next appointment you will be 16 wks so i cant see why they cant let you go another 8 wks to reach 24 wks and then again if they have to deliver baby early at least it will have a chance. Unfortunatly you have to wait to see your onc to know for sure what your options are. I hope they do decide to hold off for you until then hun. (((hugs)))
I would give that nurse a call. she sounds lovely and im sure she would listen to your worries.
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2/10/08 13:45
Hi, I'm so sorry I have missed this thread until now. I just wanted to send you lots of love and hugs for you and your baby. Its awful what you are going through, i can;t begin to imagine the turmoil you are feeling constantly. I really hope with all my heart that your onc says you can wait til after 24 weeks for treatment. Loads of love and best wishes, We're all here for you, Claire xxxx
hi ladies... i am worried sick, 3 days ago i started spotting first brown then pink then red. i always go by how i feel and i've still got sickness extreme tiredness and all but after 6 mc/mmc's i am worried... my gp has arranged a scan for me tomorrow, i sure hope all is well as we go away on sat..... atleast i'll know if hubby's dream came true......!!!!!
to top it off i had an app with my plastic surgeon this morning, to check my scar from the malignannt melanoma i had removed, and my lymph nodes in my groin an knee.... well all is not good....!!!!! i mentioned to him that a lump had appeared on the scarred area.... he looked at it and felt it and explained that it is exactly the sort of lump that they look for, and that it needs to be whipped of as soon as, they've booked me in for the 5th.... so they can biopsy it....
i feel like lightening has struck 2x... i was between 6-7 wks last pg when the skin clinic doctor took 1 look at my mole and told me it was coming off asap as without a doubt it was cancerous, which the biopsy confirmed...
i am scarred witless.... hubby keeps saying it will be fine... but that's what he said last time..... i know i should try to be positive, but i've been waiting 2yrs for the big C to rear it's ugly head, as they've told me that i am high risk of it spreading......
how can i relax and enjoy my holiday...????