Thank you to everyone, so supportive and kind, Sarah I have emailed you, nice to hear someone who is in the same situation and how you have come through it xx

big hugs to u hunni, I cant say I know how u feel coz I wud be lying but I just want u to know that I am thinking of u and hopefully u will find a way to see ur lil girl more often xx

Hi, i just wanted to write to say that i am in exactly the same situation with my ds who is now 7.  His dad also works shifts and we have joint custody, so i never know from one week to the next when i will be having him and when he will be with his dad.  His dad lives 15 miles away from me and that is also where Jacob goes to school.  It is hard but i have learnt to live with it, and i know you won't believe me right now but so will you.  Jacob is old enough to talk to and the arrangement that we have makes him happy, and that is the most important thing out of all the this, that the child is happy.  He loves his dad and if i was to turn round and say that i only wanted him to see his dad every weekend it would break his heart.  It is hard emotionally, plus i also seem to get him during the week so i am doing 60 miles a day doing the school run.  It sounds mad i know, but he has firm friends at this school and it is a very good school so i put up with the travelling, again for his sake.  Also, to take my mind off of things when he is with his dad i make sure i do all the housework, ironing etc. when his is away so when he gets back i can devote all my time with him.  Please also do not worry about the new baby and the relationship it will have with your dd.  I have a 1 year old dd and she absolutely adores her brother, and vice versa.  She has just got used to the fact that sometimes her brother is here and other times he isn't.  It does take time to adjust, but we as parents do have to put our childrens feelings and happiness first, no matter how much it hurts us.  I really hope this has helped and if you ever feel the need to talk please pm and i will get straight back to you.  Take care hun (((((hugs))))) x

I will see if I can find her to talk to...you have been very kind with your words, my new partner I think finds it hard to deal with when I am like this as he feels helpless.  I promised a nice dinner etc tonight haven't even started as I am too busy thinking about Ellie x

i would have thought most courts would give him wkends maybe you could say its unsettling for her to be back and forward every few days and that she needs a home more permenent there was a women on the single mums forum that was a family law solicitor and was offering advice i know this sounds selfish of me but if dds dad came back and wanted to have custody i would say no no no i wouldn't want to share her what so ever xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I spoke with a solicitor and she said that the problem is that sometimes the courts decide on days etc and she has seen it many times that what the courts decide doesn't suit anyone.  So feel stuck really. I feel that hs eis not getting enough time with her mummy but he could say the same. x

Thank you, I hope so, I miss her, put up this big front and underneath its just so heartbreaking.  Thank you for your support, think sometimes its only women that really understand the maternal bond. Just wish the tears would stop. x

awww kaw hun thats because he gets to spend more time with her he sounds like hes being unreasonable and just thinking about himself and not you and dds bond that you need xxxxxxxxxxxx

Is this a court ordered arrangement or just what your ex has decided on? If it`s just a private `agreement` between the 2 of you then maybe it`ll be worth getting a solicitor involved if your ex won`t budge.

Best of luck getting this sorted, I can only imagine how hard this is for you xx

big hugs hun i can't imagine not being with my dd every day also  called ellie your heart must be breaking is there no way he can have her weekends instead of 4days when ellies dad and i split whilst i was pregnant i wanted him to be part of her life so much but he wasn't interested and i finally gave up trying with both him and his family now i'm with someone new who she calls daddy and sees as her daddy i'm glad but whens shes older she will be upset and feel rejected i guess what i'm saying is atleast your dd has 2 very loving parents in a few years she'll probably tell her daddy she wants to stay with mummy my dps parents had joint custody of him and his brothers and as he got older he got fed up of tooing and froing every couple of days and his brothers stayed with his mum and he lived with his dad so the day will come when she wants to stay with you xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you, no he won't have her living here and its around his shift pattern which changes each week.  When she has been with him for a couple of days and I go to get her from nursery, she says outloud "I want my Daddy" yet she hasn't seen me all week.  I am heartbroken, he doesn't understand the bond a mother has with her baby, it starts from the moment they are growing inside you, to looking at them in the hospital with sheer love and now it feels like she is loosing her bond with her mother because of him.  I am lost without her.

its making me cry just reading this i am putting my self in your situation and to not have my girls with me all the time would break my heart as it is yours, my dh would also want shared custody if we ever split i know this because he wants to be an equal in our childrens lives but that wouldnt stop me from hurting and i dont know if that would be best for our daughters as they wouldnt have a definate set routine to follow and may be a little confusing? does your ex also live far away?? if not would he reason with you and maybe let you have your daughter living at home and going with daddy during the day?? maybe you could try posting this on the dads forum to get a male prospective? wen i was due with my 2nd i remember feeling that i didnt want my daughter to feel pushed out has this also brought strong feelings for you ? ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) and love i hope you can reslove this with your ex xx

My ex and I split up a year and a half ago.  I am now with someone new and am expecting a new baby, 10 weeks tomorrow.  My ex and I had a baby girl, she is now 3 we have joint custody which means some weeks I only get to see her 3 days.  I am not coping with this and just sit in her room and cry because I miss her dreadfully.  He won't change anything and I can't see her anymore.  I gave birth to Ellie,  she will always be my baby, I miss her so much I am just typing crying how do I deal with this x