I think its like giving up anything bad, theres always a withdrawal period, like quitting smoking.  You know the fag is bad for you but you still crave it because it has been a big part of your life for a long time then you realise it isn't any good for you, so when you give it up you get the withdrawal symptoms for it.  But eventually the withdrawals get weaker and weaker until one day you realise you can't believe you had that evil drug (evil parents) in your life for that long ruining your life and now you feel free and can get on with a healthy happy life.

Im feeling stronger and stronger every day now.  Thank you sooo much everyone for replying to me, you've really helped me over the last couple of days.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, It is very hard to cut contact with family its not natural.  The pluses are amazing compared to the grief felt. I don't think its ever possible to let go as family is inbuilt on some level.  Someone told me 'you just learn to manage the situation'.

My extended family also didn't get involved in issues and my mum tells them i'm ok when they ask so they all think all is fine (in their denial) i suppose they don't question why they haven't seen me for 10 years hey.

Someone has to stop the cycle.

Hi

Thanks for you reply on my thread, it really helped, us three dont deserve it but i think we are all being good mums and putting our kidz first, we dont need to be stressed our babies will pick it up and its not good for anyone, I know im doing the right thing, its gona be hard but I will all be a lot happier.

Thanks again

xxxxxx

hi to both of you i know too what its like having alcoholics for parents both my mum and dad are or were my dad still is and my mum died through it when i was 22 (am 31 now) she missed out on so much my oldest was about 18 mths when she died and have since gone on to have 3 more and i dont bother visiting my dad as whats the bloody point he always drunk and not horrible with but not a situation i want to be in ((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))) to both of you and  thinking of you and let the parents get on with destroying themselves i say x x

Ah ellen I didn't relaise you had experienced this too.  I also don't speak to the rest of my family, so now my family is me and my sister and our family's.  My extended family just let it happen and saw how it was effecting me and my sister and they did nothing about it.  All they did was stop contact with my mum and dad cause they couldn't be bothered to deal with them but they never thought about us.

Anyway enough of feeling sorry for myself lol.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life and im going to enjoy every second of it.

Thanks again hun for your replies xxxxxxxxxxxxx

oh dear didn't mean for you to cry but its true.  Thank god you don't blame yourself anymore thats a big move onwards.

I don't have any contact with my parents or the rest of the extended family so it doesn't get more drastic than that. I started to make changes when i was 27 ish, and decided it would be at whatever cost. As a result my kids are well balanced, my youngest son is so positive, expressive, motivated and gets all highest marks in his school reports. Every time this happens i know i did the right thing by cutting contact.  I do try again now and then but its always a flop. Now i have Tiana my lo 8 weeks old and its even more of a challenge cos she is a girl......same gender as me and i have had two boys up until now.

I found a good counsellor and let it all out with her till i kept  moving through it. You are lucky that you ahve a sister who understands...i have a brother who doesn't support me.

It was my dad you drank my mum enabled him.  Both their dads were alcoholics and so on and so on. Except i have stopped it with me, my kids have been protected............cos no child deserves to have that for a start in life and if i can change that then i will just as you are doing. well done xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that was meant to say 28 lol xxx

The thing with my dad is when the going gets tough he just ups and leaves. He done ti about 5 yrs ago and dissapeared for about 3 mths.  Me and my sister went searching everywhere for him, had to put our lives on stop (again), but when he finally rolled through the door there was no sorry and explanations, he just looked at us as if to say why arn't you throwing your arms around me.

I don't think I can ever remember my mum and dad apologising for what they have done, because in their eyes they arn't doing anything wrong so thats why me and my sister have always blamed ourselves. Well no more!!!

Thank you so much ellen for your kind words, you made me cry.  I really want to give my kids the best start in life and every day when I see their smiles, they're the ones that make me stronger and more determined that this stops now and to look forward to the future and to devote all my time to being a parent to them and not my mum and dad, because my whole life has been looking after my own parents.

I don't want my kids growing up and quicker then they have too, and even when they're my age (2 or even 50 yrs old (if im still around) they're still going to be my babies and I will always keep them safe and happy.

Sorry to keep going on but it feels so good getting this out of my system because its making me realise how wrong this has all been over the years xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi,

I know its awful to have one parent as an alcoholic but two must be a nightmare. You have done your time. Your childhood was taken by this disease (if that is what it is). It doesn't need to continue in your adult life and certainly doesn't need to be passed on to your children. You are very brave and honorouble that you are putting your children first and struggling to make it ok for them which is something your parents didnt do for you.

You have your family now, a loving partner, you are lucky there i'd say. So you have a lot to rejoice about. Also a lot to grieve its like both your parents have died so you have to grieve for that. NO more upsets though.

Not that it matters  but i think your dad must have found it hard not to give your sister away at her wedding.  He may be finding that hard to live with. maybe he will see just what damage his drinking has done. That can't be a bad thing.

Good for you with your decisions, lucky children of yours to have a mother like you hey !

Thank you so much girls for your responses.  Its so nice to hear that me and my sister isn't in the wrong for wanting a normal life.

My mum and dad have always tried blaming these situations on us, by playing mind games with us, so we'd think it was something we had done to cause the drinking and arguing.

Its only now as parents ourselves that has made us realise it is not normal for parents to make their children feel like this. Its a parents role to look after, care and do everything for your childs happiness, health and wellbeing. You should never make them feel guilty for coming into this world, we were the ones that made that decision and for me it is the best decision I have ever made.  And I think by cutting my own mum and dad out of my life is the other best decision I have made.

I cannot wait to bring my children up in such a happy environment and for them to enjoy their childhoods and stay kids as long as they can.  we have such devoting partners and are so lucky to have them to keep us strong but there is only so much I can take and I feel it is starting to effect me, and I know it has to stop now before it gets into my childrens lives.

Thank you so much girls for taking the time to read and respond.  It makes me feel so much stronger xxxxxxxxxx

aah hun (((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))) for you, it must be an awful situation for you and your sister to be in, I think the best thing you can do is cut them out of your lives, no one can blame you, you have your own family to consider and dont need the stress they are causing you, i'm glad that you are getting counselling, I hope it helps. Anytime you need to rant you know where we are.  xxxxxx

I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but you are doing the right thing.  Its reminds me of what that councilor lady from this morning said about parents,  They have broken the contract of being a parent by their behaviour towards you and your sister, so you should not fell bad or guilty for cutting them out of your and your childrens lives xxx

Just concentrate on looking after yourself and your children xx

sending you hugs x

oh hunny, don't know what to say, other than try to keep smiling and think of your kids.  We're here for you if you need to rant.

Love,

Linda and Cara

well where do i start. firstly charlie and georgia are both fine and well and its nothing to do with them.

my mum and dad have both been acholics for as long as i can remember. they were sober for about a year after charlie was born ( 2 yrs ago), so thought everything was starting to sort itself out.  anyway it started getting more and more frequent again until about 4 wks ago they went hell for leather, and to top things off it was my sisters wedding last saturday and they could not care less it was coming up.

my mum gets very very abusive when she's had a drink and starts s***ging me and my sister off something rotten, s***s off the kids, partner, partners parents etc.  she hadn't done it for a long time but started ringing my partner, my sisters partner, my sisters best friend and my sisters partners parents.  she was telling them everything me and my sister had said in the past about them (u know when u just moan generally about someone but she takes everything in and twists it).

it got worse and worse and my dad did nothing to stop her from ringing them, all he did was sat there and get drunk.  anyway my sister said they couldn't come to the wedding cause she was scared they was going to turn up drunk and kick off.  my mum went mad and turned up at our houses abusing us etc.

well the wedding went ahead, without my mum and dad, so my sister had to walk down the aisle all by herself and not have her mum and dad in the pictures.  they were both paraletic (sp) that morning.  since then my dad has dissapeared, god knows where he has gone so reported him as a missing person and am cutting them both out of my life now, but my mum keeps ringing and being sooo nasty it makes me feel sick that my mum could do this to me and my sister.

i've had to change my phone numbers now as i don't want this effecting my kids.  mine and my sisters lives have been ruined by this, every christmas, birthday etc and the final straw was my sisters wedding.

anyway to cut a long story short, i am trying to be so upbeat for my son and daughter so they don't cotton on to what is happening but im shaking, my nerves are so bad.  dr is referring me to a councellor as don't want this effecting me mentally in the long run.

sorry girls for the long rant but don't want to keep it bottled up inside anymore xxx