hey

its nice that u had the option to be with her , but at least she went in her sleep so wouldnt have had to suffer to badly , i can see why you chose not to wake her i would have done the same i wasnt allowed to see my nan , my mum had a call from nurse at hospice to ask how quick she could get to wales as didnt think nan had long and kinda knew then i wouldnt see her again , felt so crap tho that despite her still being alive i wouldnt get to say goodbye , from what my mum said tho it was pretty distressing seeing her how she was , when my mum walked into room she said my nan had tears in her eyes , whether these were tears of joy from my mum being there or tears of sadness and being scared ill never know as she couldnt speak , hope u and lo are doin ok , least we have the memories , altho sometimes feel the memories make the pain feel stronger xx

arrr haliejade its so hard isent it when they do there baby first and we cant phone our special nans, i still cry nearly eveyday mosty in the afternoons when its just me and lo and its all quiet in the house..

I just wish my kids had a specail nan like i did, my mum is more worried about her nails than her grandchildren.

I miss her terribly, when she was dying the nurse phoned and said do i want to sit with her, she said she wasent awake and was very comfortable and i told her to let her go peacefully but if she wakes to phone me straight away and ill go, i regret that now so much i wish i had sat with her, the reason i did that is i dident want her to wake up if she saw me there in the middle of the night she would know she was dying as she never really exepted it, i dident want to scare her xxxx so she dies alone i feel bad for that i hope i did the right thing

Thanks hun pm me 2 if u wanna chat.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hey hun

so sorry to hear bout ur nan , i know how ur feeling my nan passed at the end of march from cancer aged 65 while i was preg wit lo , she was like a 2nd mum to me as my mum an dad seperated when i was a baby so she helped bring us up and was always there when my mum struggled , when she died it was easier 2 not accept it as was preg and had toddler 2 look after and as she moved out 2 tenerife when she was first diagnosed i pretended she was still there rather than grieving , is only now im really coming to terms with it , and is really hard trying to get my head round not being able to see her again , and am spending many a night in tears thinking of her , is heart breaking seeing lo's first smile , laught etc and not having her to share it with , she desperatly wanted to see my son grow in2 a lil boy and would have loved 2 see my lil girl , i think she knew she didnt have long as the last thing she said to me before she moved bk 2 wales after living with my mum while she had the chemo was ' you will remember me , when im gone and u will have gd memories of when u used 2 stay with me for holidays and u will tell the kids about me , wont u ' , i soooo wish i wasnt so naive and accepted she didnt have long instead of pretending she had ages left and had kept in touch more , as she died 3 months after this and in that time i only spoke to her once briefly ...if u want 2 talk ur more than welcome 2 msg me xxx

No need to thk me babe

In a way its prob best u waited to grieve properly cos the stress cld av hurt ur pregnancy where as now ur lo can keep ur spirits up! But yeah without a doubt shes still taking care of u!! She'll be soooo proud of u babe, just remember that! xx

thanks charley, im still crying i think i need to have a nice cuppa and some chocolate lol.

My lo keeps smiling at me tho thats cheering me up! even tho she has her first cold.

its eating me up a bit i really need to sort myself out im not normally like this,

I like to think she is somewhere taking care of us still thanks for that, and thanks for reading such a long post!

the more i miss my nan the more i hate my mum, i cant even talk to her on the phone, but im going to get the crying out of the way and then look forward i dont think i grieved fore her properly it was so slow i expected it for a long time then suddenly it has hit me.

thanks for caring xxxxxxxx

Oh babe, I really feel for u! I had tears in my eyes while i was reading it!

I know what u mean abt not understanding how a mother cld treat her children like that, my father was the same, n still now we dont have a relationship! Luckily my mum is wonderful, but in a way i do understand how u feel!

Ur bound to feel down babe, I dread to think how id feel in the same situation, but look at it this way... ur nan might not have met ur most recent lo, but id bet any money that shes watching over u all and enjoying all the firsts with ur lo like u r!!

She musta bn soooo proud of u and she still will be. And like u said, at least shes not in pain anymore! xxxxx

Sorry ladies im having a bad day and wanted to get this off my chest.

I thought for a while i was getting depressed but ive never been depressed i think im just a bit down.

MY nan looked after me since i was little my mother was useless, my father absent, ive two sisters that got dragged up cuz they were older.

My nan died when i was pregnant with my third lo this one, after a long illness i was sort of glad she was not suffering anymore but she was the only member of my family that truly loved my children, not only have i lost a mum fugure my children have lost there wonderfall nannie who replaced so many people in thier lives that dont care.

my mum breezes in and out and is false about being a nan, i cant stand her, i look at my kids and baby and think how could she have treated us like that! I have a great husband who is a fantastic dad to our kids, his parents see the kids on birthdays and xmas (they live in the same village)!!! i know im lucky to have him, but i just crave for my kids to have someone special in there lives apart from us like my nan but she is gone and i really need to accept it

Im crying again now lol, its just she would have loved to see lo and my mum cant be botherd to see her once a week why do all the best people go she was 83 i know but i wanted her to live forever.

My sisters get on with thier own lives im starting to resent them all i dont want to see any of them, i dont really talk to mum anyway i have given up trying to get attention from her.

My best friend is all my family rolled into one she means more to me than any of them and she is so lovely with the kids they adore her, i wish i could choose my family.

Soz to anyone that reads this ive gone on and on. xxxxx