Due in October
- Due in October
- jokes please,we need cheering up
18/7/08 16:24
18/7/08 15:17
You can't keep us in suspense all weekend Vaz!
A footballer is in the changing rooms and he is holding a thermos flask. His team mates ask him what it is. He replies "it's a fantastic invention that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold". All the footballers ooh and ahh. One of the players asks "what have you got in yours?" He replies "coffee and ice cream!"
18/7/08 13:04
we're missing the end of that joke
18/7/08 12:57
Sorry long joke,
Have a great weekend ladies A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches
I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks,'What happened?'
His wife replies,'Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to
Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ,
I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.'
'It worked! The headaches are all gone.'
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of
fire In the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts
her On the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and
jumps Into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I'll be right back.'
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even
Better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is
spinning.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
With that, he18/7/08 12:51
PMSL.... just read this thread... loving the positive vibes .... great friday thread to read .... happy happy ...
Not too good at remembering jokes, will see if i can get some to add ...
Vari xxx
18/7/08 12:49
Just a quicky but I thought it was funny & I don't often get jokes!
Irish husband rushes his wife to the maternity unit...the midwife says is your wife dilated? he says.....is she dilated?! shes ecstatic !! ha ha love it
17/7/08 16:13
My 8 year old brother told me this one and I really liked it.
Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
17/7/08 15:56
Why cant you play cards in the jungle?
Cos there are too many cheaters....(cheetahs)
17/7/08 15:35
Whats E.T. short for?
Because he has little legs.
LOL
17/7/08 15:24
hope this doesn't offend..
An english guy, an irish guy and a guy with a speech prob working on a building site.. english guy turns to the irish guy and says watch this, i bet i can make everyone scatter..he throws a brick over the edge of the building and shouts falling brick....everyone scatters
irish guy does the same, shouts falling brick and everyone scatters.
the last guy does it..throws the brick and shouts fff..ffff. f**king h**l i hit him
alex
16/7/08 19:18
I'm never sure if i can write some of my jokes without causing offence. I don;t mean to, it's just a bit of fun at the end of the day, but some people won't see it like that x
16/7/08 19:07
lol lol lol lol lol
i do love the paddy and murthy ones!!! just makes me think of me and my mate,sometimes im really that stupid!!!!
not ment to cause any affience ....... [see i cant even spell!!!!! tried to write that 9times!!]
16/7/08 18:15
Forgot one...
Paddy and Murphy are hammering floorboards down in their house. Paddy picks up a nail and when he realises it's upside down he throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says "why are you throwing them away?" Paddy says "beacuse they're upside down", "you idiot!" said Murphy, "save them for the ceiling!"
16/7/08 18:08
he he Jane, that was one of mine, i wasn't sure if i was allowed to tell those ones but i will anyway
Paddys in jail, a screw looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. screw says what are u doing? Killing myself says Paddy. The screw replies it should be round your neck. Paddy says i tried that but i couldn't breathe!
I went to the cemetary to put some flowers down the other day. As i was standing there i notice 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours go by and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, these f**kers have loist the plot.
Man lying in bed after sex with his new Thai wife. She keeps stroking his c*ck. He says "do you like my c*ck that much?" She says "No, i just miss mine"
Keep smiling ladies xxx
16/7/08 17:08
i love love love this one!!!!!!!!!
paddy and murthy workin on buildin site,paddy says 2 murthy ''i fancy a day off,im gonna prentend im mad''with that he climbs up the rafters,hangs upside down and shouts ''im a lightbulb!!'' while murthy watches in amazement. forman sees this and shouts ''paddy get down , pack your tools and go home,your mad!''he does so and leaves the site,murthy starts packing up 2, ''where you going?'' asks the foreman ''well''says murthy '' i cant work in the f***ing dark can i?''
13/7/08 18:40
What do digital cameras and condoms have in common?
They both capture the moment!
This one is so simple i find it really funny!!
What to you call a woman with 1 leg?
I-lean (Eileen)!!
13/7/08 12:38
what is the closest thing to a womans period?!
your salary - it comes once a month, lasts four to five days and if it doesn't come you've been screwed!!!!
13/7/08 12:27
Am i allowed to tell Paddy and Murphy jokes?
8/7/08 00:18
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.
8/7/08 00:15
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
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These are brill....the 'family of prostitutes' one has just made three of us at work cackle out loud!! Keep them coming...