jokes please,we need cheering up
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- Due in October
- jokes please,we need cheering up
6/7/08 15:57
6/7/08 13:23
not really a joke but made me chuckle.
For all those men who say " why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"
Here's an update for you Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because most women realise its not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage........
5/7/08 23:20
family of prostitutes having dinner. daughter says "i just got 50 guid for giving a blow job!" mum says"it was only a fiver in my day." gran says "in my day we were just glad of the warm drink."
5/7/08 23:18
paddy is telling his mates in the pub about life in the army. on a plane, first man jumps, second, third. paddy says "no way". the man with the 12 inch c**k says "paddy if u dont jump ill ram this up ya ar*e". "so, did u jump?" is pals asked. "i did at first but i soon got used to it."
5/7/08 23:15
it finally makes sense, never looked at it this way before...MENtal illness, MENstrual cycle, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist, HISterectamy! ever noticed how all out problems start with men.
5/7/08 23:13
jim and edna r mental patients. one day jim jumps in the pool and stays on the bottom. edna dives in and saves him. the manager calls edna into his office and says "ive got some gd news and sum bad news. the good news is we're realeasing u, as ur obviously sane with u saving anothers life. the bad news is jim hanged himself in the bathroom." "no" edna said "thats where i put him to dry!"
5/7/08 23:11
3 couples go camping, mean in 1 tent and women in another. 1 bloke wakes up in middle of the night and nudges his mate lying next to him, im going next door to f@ck my missus, ive got the biggest hard on ive ever had. id better come with you then, his mate replies, coz its my c0ck uve got hold of.
5/7/08 20:26
If mother celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day and lovers celebrate valentines day. Do w*nkers celebrate Palm Sunday?
5/7/08 19:48
ha ha hilarious!
5/7/08 19:33
I am bad at jokes but thanks for making me chuckle tonight!!
5/7/08 19:28
looooooool, i just choked on my drink!
5/7/08 19:08
LMAO - Fantastic thread.
I've got a couple, hope you don't find then offensive!
A prostitute goes to the Dr. She's pregnant. The Dr asks "Do you know who the father is?" Prostitute replies "If i gave you a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
A parrot swallows a viagra tablet. His owner is disgusted with him and put him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer he finds the parrott sweating! "How come your sweating?" he asks. The Parrot replies "do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
Q: Why do women wear knickers?
A: Because work place health and safety states all manholes must be covered when notin use!
Hope you like them and cheer you up on this miserable Saturday afternoon. xxx
5/7/08 18:39
ive run out of jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh i tought it would be fun!!!!!!!!
lol
men are better at jokes!shame im ignoring mine or id ask him!!! lol
4/7/08 20:27
am i the only one whos posting jokes..lol...some of you must know some jokes....come on, cheer us up, some of us are feeling down and need a good giggle..
4/7/08 19:45
bumping with positive vibes!
4/7/08 19:44
bumping with positive vibes!
4/7/08 17:17
Harold is 82 and having some prostate problems. After examining him, the doctor gives hima specimen jar and says " Take this home with you,and try to produce a seamen specimen. Stop by tomorrow and drop it off so i can then run a few tests.
Harold takes the jar and heads home. The next day, Harold comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. When he is taken into the office, the doctor asks " how he got on, not good doc, says Harold,. I went home and tried to do what you said. I tried with my right hand, unil it was cramped from the arthritis..no luck. I tried with my left hand, until i had blisters..no luck. I asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her right hand and her left hand..no luck. She even tried with her mouth. She tried with her teeth in and with her teeth out...no luck. Then we called Edna, next door to see if she could help...."
Good grief man,! said the doctor, "you asked your neighbour to help you"?
Yes, said Harold, none of us could get the lid off that jar!....
4/7/08 17:04
lmao hahaha wicked
4/7/08 16:57
OH HOW SO VERY TRUE...
ID LOVE TO BE 8 AGAIN
A man asked his wife what she like for her birthday. "Id love to be 8 again she replied,"
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of coco pops and jammy toasties!
He took her to Alton Towers, and put her on every ride in the park!
*The death slide
*The wall of fear
*The screaming monster rollercoaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her lovely husband ordered her happy meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest 3 hour epic cartoon, a hotdog, popcorn, all the coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and a large bag of M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted, he leaned over his precious wife with a loving smile and asked "Well dear, what was like being 8 again"? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation... "I meant my dress size you FUC*ING TW*T!!!!!
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..EVEN WHEN A MAN IS LISTENING, HES STILL GONNA GET IT WRONG.....
4/7/08 16:57
OH HOW SO VERY TRUE...
ID LOVE TO BE 8 AGAIN
A man asked his wife what she like for her birthday. "Id love to be 8 again she replied,"
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of coco pops and jammy toasties!
He took her to Alton Towers, and put her on every ride in the park!
*The death slide
*The wall of fear
*The screaming monster rollercoaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her lovely husband ordered her happy meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest 3 hour epic cartoon, a hotdog, popcorn, all the coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and a large bag of M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted, he leaned over his precious wife with a loving smile and asked "Well dear, what was like being 8 again"? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation... "I meant my dress size you FUC*ING TW*T!!!!!
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..EVEN WHEN A MAN IS LISTENING, HES STILL GONNA GET IT WRONG.....
pmsl Alex x