When the wife went in, we thought she ahd lost the baby (around 3 months), she was getting herself into a state, but I jstu didn't feel anything.

She was annoyed, but I explained to her why, that I completely care about her health and her being pregnant, and of course gutted that I won't be meeting our new baby, but at the same time, I was more releived that it was going to happen then, and not later down the line.

Can't help how I feel, but I was honest about it.

Turns out she was okay though, nearly 5 months gone but have had plenty fo scans to keep an eye on it!!!

were all crashing in on this one!!!

there is no stronger bond than that of a baby and its mum! the baby doesnt even have to resemble a human and the bond is there!! a mum can see the foetus as a real baby long before a dad can.

tell her you care but find it hard to relate to the baby as a real baby. its a big shock being pregnant as you will know explain to her how you felt during her first pregnancy when you related to the baby as your son etc.

try make her understand and be supportive. women find it hard to accept men care in a different disconnected way!

Crashing but had to answer this.

You obviously care otherwise you wouldn't have written on here.

Me and dp were TTC for 12 months, in the April, I went to work and I was doubled over in pain and lost quite a lot of dark blood. I didn't know I was actually pregnant at that point but knew immediately what had happened. For the fact that we'd been trying for 9 months by then I was distraught. Dp didn't know what to say as like every guy, there is no bond.

For me, there was no real bond, it's true - not like there would have been for your wife, but as soon as I knew what had happened, I knew I'd lost a baby, something I'd wanted for such a long time, it just seemed that any effort we'd put in was a waste of time and that my dreams weren't ever going to come true.

3 months later, I fell pregnant again and our dd is now 1 and simply amazing. As much as I love her, if I was to have another mc, I would be distraught again.

A few things go through our minds when we mc, failure, that we aren't good enough to have a baby. Guilt, at wondering why the baby has gone, did we do something wrong? Sadness and grief - it may only be a cluster of cells but that was created by 2 people who love eachother - it's a lot more than nothing. Then we feel that if we can't even have a baby, then why do you love us, you'll want to go with another woman who can give you another baby. Hormones have a lot to say in this and whilst I know I'm pretty level headed, I did feel these feelings and it nearly destroyed us. Dp isn't really a talker so I can't thrash my feelings out on him which makes our relationship very hard work. But if you are willing, talk to her, listen to her and let her just drain all the bad feelings away.

Give her solutions, make her know that you are actively interested in another baby, take supplements yourself, cut back on drinking / smoking if you do either, encourage her to take supplements (although I'm sure she is) Just generally be involved in her plans if that makes sense. She'll feel much more content and happy and if the worst does happen again then at least she knows that she's got your 100% support.

And don't forget that even if you don't think you really feel anything, you must feel upset that your wife is upset, talk to her abotu your feelings too - it can't be a one sided thing. If you want another baby as bad as she does, don't rub it in, but make suggestions. Us women need lots and lots of reassurance.

Hope this helps and I hope that you manage to talk to her x

I think although you cannot relate to the baby in the tummy early on, she needs to hear that you still care that the baby has died and that you are upset but you deal with it differently to her obvioulsy it's always gong to be harder for her, she just needs to know that you care and are upset, otherwise she will feel like shes going through it all on her own and your not bothered by it hopethis helps keep talking to her lots of hugs with no strings!!!!!!!!

ronnie

Im a forum crashing mummy and i too lost my baby in December. I was meant to be 12 weeks and baby hadnt grown since 6. My world fell apart. And like you said my other half didnt seem to be feeling anything at all. I hated him for going to work when i was at home losing our baby and looking after my two gorgeous babies aswell. He kept telling me that atleast we lost it now rather than later or to a stillbirth...which once the shock and emotional pain subsides a little, is true. 

Eventually we sat down and talked it all over. He said he was sad that we had lost the baby but he cannot grieve in the same way as me because he hadnt physically or mentally felt the baby yet...whereas being inside mummies tummy we feel a lot with an immediate bond...im guessing the dads bond grows from the kicks he feels and the bump that gets in the way of sex!!! and as it hadnt reached that stage he wasnt as deeply effected as me. 

All i can say is sit down with her tell her you love her and that you understand how shes feeling but there is no way you can grieve in the same way as the bond for a man doesnt develop as early as a mums. 

It wont ease for her quickly and she will always remember her angel baby, but you do get to a point when you concentrate on the now and feel your angel by your side and at peace x

Hope that kind of helped from a womans point of view! Ill bugger off to the woman forums now

Tricia-Marie(21), Mummy to Freddy (4),Gracie(2) and Angel baby Ralphy xx

Chaps - in a bit of a pickle!

My  missus has now had two miscariage over the past 3 months and i'm the spawn of the devil. I'm sorry but I can't relate to a baby in mummys tummy at 3/4 weeks old but im now the devils spawn. I can't talk to her as i find it hard to relate and now our relationship is it worlds end. We have a cracking 2/.5 year old but all it seems to be is i don't understand. i don't do this, i'm not a normal bloke, i'm not like anyone else

is it me?????

HELP????