im a mum not a dad but can i shine a li'l light on the subject?

my oh has had a very naughty past which i find hard to accept as it did break my heart coz we were together at the time....i forgave him....and glad i did....but very now and again i bring it up and although it was 6 years ago i cant stop thinking about it sometimes. i can see him get p***ed off but i think its coz he's embarrassed more than anything!

anyway- there have been things i have done that he hates like the other month he found out i had a 4sum during a period of us being apart and although he has done worse i think he found it hard to accept! after all i am going to be a mum and im his wife and in his eyes im a little dizzy sumtimes and im pretty loving and accepting that the one you love did something you cant even imagine doing is hard. i cant even imagine my hubby touching another woman, it makes me feel ill and shaky to be honest. so him imagining something as graphic as a 4sum must be pretty gut wrenching. there is a lot to accept and i think your doing great but please let her know you forgive her past and forget it- you cant move forward whilst looking backward!! i just learnt to leave the bad feelings behind because..... after all we all have pasts! and ours aren't so angelic!

all the best! i really hope things work out!

Hi

Why don't you try and adjust your mind set a little? Try seeing it as HER journey which made her the person you love TODAY. We all have pasts and we all make mistakes and bad judgements along the road. And that's what it is.

I've made some shockers in my time but I wouldn't change a thing, not even the bad bits as all these experiences have led me to who I am and who I'm with. Life would be very sad if people judged us on what we did before we even met them! Tres and unecessarily judgemental IMO. Don't let it spoil a good thing. Waste of energy!

M

Oh please, please don't let this break u up. That would be sooo sad. 

My other half is is quieter n more reserved person than i am. So when I told him about something i had done before i met him. He was shocked. He went very quiet. I could see it bothered him. How it bothered him, i don't know. He's not a talker like me. He must have rashionalised it in his own mind. He accepted it n got over it (it was a long while ago). We didn't fall out over it, he wasn't mad at me. I think he realised that it was my past & he is my future. He loves me very much and 6 years on we're still together, we recently got engaged n we're now planning a baby. We are sooo happy.

I can't remember alot of my early relationships. They're more of a blur as each day goes. That's probably how we all feel. You're gonna be with this lady for a very long time. Long after all your and her past relationships become a blur. Enjoy each other n don't let this mess things up for u both

I hope this makes sense. Wish you the best.

let your partner know your going to councelling i bet she will be really proud of you. i also think shes a very lucky lady despite this phase your going though. Maybe you could introduce her to bounty. there are lots of supportive people for you both in the due in forums. dont beat yourself up about feeling the way you do. you have noticed it and are doing something about it so dont feel bad. i am sure you will get it sorted and be very happy with your partner and baby x

I would say her past was naughty, she’s not really into that stuff. she just made some stupid decisions like we all do, and yeah I understand what your saying about my love deepening for her and I have felt it harder to accept the 2 things I dont agree with that she has done. I jst hope I can get this sorted out because we’re barley on speaking terms just now and its not helping either of us.

@dadaddy

Yeah I would say Im quite a nervous person and I know this doesnt help. My plan is to speak to the counsiller on Mondday, see what he has to say about it then hopefully get my ex round here for a chat and see if things can get put on some sort of a track that will help both of us..

thanks everyone

I would say her past was naughty, she's not really into that stuff. she just made some stupid decisions like we all do, and yeah I understand what your saying about my love deepening for her and I have felt it harder to accept the 2 things I dont agree with that she has done. I jst hope I can get this sorted out because we're barley on speaking terms just now and its not helping either of us.

@dadaddy

Yeah I would say Im quite a nervous person and I know this doesnt help. My plan is to speak to the counsiller on Mondday, see what he has to say about it then hopefully get my ex round here for a chat and see if things can get put on some sort of a track that will help both of us..

thanks everyone

Hi, I think it's obvious you love her very much.

Maybe it didn't bother you so much before because things were simple.

You might be feeling this way because you had a girlfriend with a bit of a naughty past, never mind all have a past etc. You could handle it. but now you have something so pressious to you and she's carrying your child. Maybe the way you feel has deepened and it's made it harder to except her past. I hope you understand what i mean and that it makes sense.

Easier said than done but please try not to let the way you feel about her past ruin what you and she have now and what's to come in the future. She didn't know what was to come.

We all have a past. Mine aint all roses. I wished i'd met my other half when i was younger, it would've saved me so much stress. We had the chance to meet, we even went to the same school.

Hopefully you and your girlfriend will get through this and all will be well. all the best to you both.

first of all i just want to tell you that you arent alone, as i have a strange sleep patern i spend most of my nights sitting around pondering. I have been depressed a number of times (not about having the baby...at the thought that things are going toalready have changed so much...i am still exstatic about our little bundle of joy due in september). My first bit of advice is dont deal with it by drinking...it REALLY doesnt help.

Are you nervous?? i am/was/willalways be! its a big step...what i would say is keep doing as you are doing...and try to work through it with the help of the counselling...explain to her that you just have alot on ur mind etc. but tell her that you want to be with her and you want her help to work through it. before you know it the three of you will be happy and together!

Hello, Im going to be a dad in July which i am very happy about. Anyway my problem all started last december a month after we found out my ex was pregnant. I just woke up one morning and I didnt feel myself, I felt really down, my ex knew this straight away just by the way I was talking to her, I was really distant. I wasnt thinking of the baby or anything I was thinking about my partners past, there was only one or two things I didnt like about it and really I had done alot worse and I mean alot so who was I to go judging people and it hadnt bothered me before so why now. Anyway for about 3 months I was a little up and down about things digging into my partner about stuff and just not being myself. Recently this has caused major problems with our relationship and it has now broken down, she now lives at her mothers. I have tried to support her in every way, I went to the antinatal, I made a nursery and bought lots of stuff for our new addition but when it comes to emotional support I have really came up far too short.

I have been to the doctor and have been referred to counsiling, I really just want to get back to the happy go lucky person I was last december, just now I feel so lost and depressed about how I could treat the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with in such a way. There is no worries about money, we both have good jobs and own 2 properties, I have a nice house and she has a flat she rents out, so I know that cant be the problem also I dont think Im scared of being a dad, its something I wanted just as much as she did and very seldom do I think Im not going to be able to cope so really I dont know why Im acting like this. Im tying it down to the baby only because it started a month after we knew about the pregnancy.

Has anyone on here went through the same or similar, and any advice would be great thanks...

The things about her past I didnt like are- She had unprotected sex one time while drunk with a boyfriend of 2 months while she worked on the cruise ships 4 years ago, she found out he had cheated with her and had an HIV test when she returned home. Also she had sex with her second cousin. If she knew about my time in Thailand then she would certainly have something to say to me thats for sure.

I really dont know why I keep bringing these things up. I really feel have lost the plot big time.

Sorry for the huge post...