Dads
- Dads
A Really personal question
15/8/08 21:42
14/8/08 17:26
Thanks linkevolution,
Time has improved things already and I'm sure you are right. Just remember lads sometimes a cuddle will do!!!!
30/7/08 18:20
well said tyketom. at the end of the day things arent going to be the same, but you just have to improvise!!
30/7/08 17:31
As a father to 2 children delivered in the normal manner I do not agree that it changes things that much. A little more adventure with positions etc more than makes up for the changes.
11/7/08 11:11
Mals
Times the best healer i'm afraid! I remember my wifes bits hanging out after the birth and only now, 1 year on, do i have the urge to wanna have sex again. it put me off for a long time.
Give the lad time, he'll come round in time.
10/7/08 11:16
If your that bothered tell him to use the other hole. C-sections should be for medical reasons only, not vanity issues. If your husband loves you it wont matter.
4/7/08 17:10
I just wanted to add a serious point to this. I have just had an emergency c section under general and my boyfriend was invited in to theatre to hold the baby shortly after he was delivered. What they failed to warn him about was that owing to the rushed nature of surgery and a general they hadnt put a screen up. Having seen my internal organs being stitched up on an operating table hasnt made him overly keen to resume our sex life either and I'm genuinely worried about it. He doesnt seem to want to go near me......any advice dads?
1/7/08 12:18
Asking if having a baby naturally wouldeffect your sex life isn't vain, its a completely valid worry if you have an already healthy sex life.
My wife was worried about that, not only that, but it was one of her concerns and its an awkward question to ask face to face, so opinions of whether anyone thinks its vain or not, are just not particularly friendly, and can be taking in a very condescending way.
As for my wife, she concentrated on her pelvic floor excersices, and she does have control, so I didn't notice any change what so ever. Although I have noticed a change now (she is almost 8 months pregnant. So we have just opted not to have sex now, its awkward, makes her feel uncomfortable and unnattractive, which is fine by me, as roly poly sex isn't something that gets me going either...
20/6/08 17:14
lol mikey calm down mate! Your doing your blood pressure no good getting so worked up. Its an open forum so the women should feel free to come here and join in.
20/6/08 16:15
It's a complete urban myth. I've had few partners, either with or without kids - there is no difference. This is a bad way to choose between natural and c-section!!
19/6/08 13:42
Mikey, loose the attitude mate, it's an open forum, last time I checked... Oh and learn to read - my husband doesn't lie (and he doesn't get on Bounty either as far as I know)... I don't see the need for insults - she asked a question, I answered and gave my opinion, she doesn't have to listen.
18/6/08 19:22
"" It's just I'd rather have a section then ......""
and its an open forum anyone can post
no1 had a go at her or anything . we answerd her question. keep ur boxers on
16/6/08 19:02
pmsl here here Mikey
16/6/08 16:52
FOR GODS SAKE SHE WAS ONLY ASKING. I COULD TELL SLIGHTLY AFTER MY WIFE HAD OUR DS BUT I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE. SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT IT AS WELL, BUT I DID SAY THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER - IT DOESN'T.
FROGGY - WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR SAGGY TITS AND LOOSE FANNY AND GET LOST. MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T STALK YOUR HUSBAND ON THIS BOARD HE WOULDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO LIE TO YOU.
MAYBE I'M BLIND BUT AT WHAT POINT DOES SHE SAY 'IF IT MAKES YOU LOOSE I WILL AVOID A NORMAL BIRTH? SHE JUST ASKS A QUESTION.
ANYWAY, THIS FORUM IS FOR DADS SO WHAT YOU EVEN DOING ON IT?
15/6/08 13:35
exactly what froggy said.. i dont really have anything to add to that.
no1 critisised your first c-section .. only your plan to maybe have another one for vanity. if you need one, then u need one and there was no need to post lol. if u dont need one but will have one because of ur sex life then thats what i dont agree with .. i do agree with having one again if ur at risk and no1 said otherwise .
take care13/6/08 15:31
Alicia, that was a serious answer - your first C-section was medical, that's what they're intended for and no one criticised that. But your first post is not about if you medically need one again, you'll have one (which will be the doctors decision, and perfectly right), but about how it will change your sex life - that's vain.
And yes, the breastfeeding comment was ironic, but I couldn't actually take seriously your 'if your wife can read this...' comment - most men are NOT liars and all about sex, most are fantastic dads and husbands / partners who will openly talk to their oh, and will not mind a little looseness after getting a wonderful baby. And I trust my dh not to try and spare my feelings, but to tell me the truth so we can sort it out (i.e I exercise) and we have a long and agreable sex life. By the way, as a female, you will feel the difference too, and you will even feel when exercise is working and it improves - so you don't even need him to tell you!
If you can't see what's wrong with you asking if you should avoid vaginal birth 'cause your hubby can tell the difference (it's pretty much a sure bet he will the first few times, unless you abstain for a very long time), then that's really sad.
13/6/08 00:14
Firstly, thanks for the serious answers,
Secondly - Hormonal and Froggy, I had a section under a general anasthetic as it was that or lose my daughter to a placental abruption. I am pretty certain that my Doctor will advise me to do one again but I would like to give birth naturally (but of course if there are any risks I won't be doing so) But it is something most women worry about if they have not had a vaginal birth and most men lie about to save their wives feelings.
I didn't want a section and it was most certainly not for a vain or selfish reason, I nearly bled to death but all I wanted them to do was save my daughter, and Froggy I too breastfed and I think my boobs are perkier then people I know who bottle fed. It hurt like hell and I was exhausted (with a hb count of 7), but it was what was best for my baby.
Thanks again
12/6/08 19:40
i can see why you may be concerned about loss of tightness and sensation but i have to agree with the other posts that it isnt a valid reason to choose a section. i had my baby three weeks ago naturally and am yet to have sex due to bleeding etc but i am doing pelvic floor excercises everyday and have been told by my mw that this should make the tightness return, as it is a muscle that will strenghten and tighten the more you excercise it. the main thing to remember is that you will have a little baby who was born as nature intended, your body wouldnt be designed to give birth if it couldnt cope with what it involves. xx
12/6/08 19:19
glad im not the only one that found abit dodgy .
c-section for cosmetic reasons really annoys me .. dont get me wrong each to their own but i think that money spent on the doctors, anethetics, and equipment is bad if they could reduce it to a couple of midwives pay for the sake of being worried about being stretches is abit daft. That money and time could go towards saving a life. I dont want to start a debate or anything it is just my opinion. why anyone would choose extreamly invasive surgery over something natural is something i dont understand.
ANYWAY i was actually only going to say to do pelvic floor properly make sure ur not clenching your bum and if someone can tell that your doing it . then your doing it wrong lol . you gotta pretend like your tryin to hold something inside you (to much info?) and then let it out again. hold for 5 seconds .. do it 5 times and then stop .. do more an hour or so later HTH12/6/08 15:37
Is that really a serious post? It just sounds so shallow (and silly with the don't tell your wife / partner)
Dh and I did talk about it after ds was born (
talking about your sex life with the man in your life, shocking), and yes, sure, it was a little loose at the start, but pelvic floor exercises are not that hard, and don't take that much time either to tone things up. He wasn't too keen on the 25 stitches (neither was I), but they didn't stay in that long either. Somehow, knowing I had done my best to have a natural birth and not pump any unnecessary drugs in his little body or add any unnecessary trauma for our little boy seemed more important to us than getting my woman bits back to fully functionning order 
C-sections are wonderful when required, but not so good for selfish reasons. Maybe I should have avoided Breastfeeding too, as my boobs are saggy now
, after all it's as good a reason
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On the subject of sex-after. Yes it is difficult after you see something like that. My wife had emergency stitching after our birth, I didn't see it or see how bad it was but I was more bothered by the fact that she was in pain and discomfort. We took a long while before we could do it again. As stated 'time is the healer' Be gentle and patient with her. I'm a first timer on this sight and I think it's good that the forum is open to both.