Can anyone tell me the secret
1/9/08 08:55
31/8/08 18:18
Hi, me and my partner have a 3 week old and i just read this and thought - god i was a nightmare to my man too - made him move out for one night just cos i wasnt feeling happy, we had some huge arguments when i said things like Id be better off without him (whcih i didnt mean!!!), pregnancy does change so much and us women get very insecure n emotional, hope you two can talk it thru and make the right changes to make u both happy, lots of luck x
16/8/08 23:09
Hi. Just a thought. It could well be hormones. but if you are doing so much for her all the time is it possible that with everything else that pregnancy brings that she might just feel smothered. maybe she needs time out but doesn't know how to tell you cos she's all worked up.
13/8/08 14:18
hi just read your post is all ok now as no update for a while
4/8/08 16:53
i agree with everyone
A 1st pg is really hard, its not you, but you need to talk to her. (i think i understood correctly...ur daughter is not hers biologically? might have mis read but thats what i got anyway lol)
I walked out on my hubby twice during pregnancy, for no reason, even im unsure of what triggered it, we are usually very happy and never argue etc...til im pregnant then im a complete cow!
Hope everything sorts out, im sure it will!!
x
3/8/08 19:24
Hi
Sorry, but to me it sounds like she has snapped. I know it hurts, but if she was pushing away her 11 yr old dau then it's more than likely that she isn't looking forward to number two. Again sorry. But she has used a lousy crappy excuse to leave you and has fallen out of love with you. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think i am
I hope things work out for u and ur dau, be strong and look forward.Good Look
Richard
3/8/08 10:54
awe you sound like a really nice guy and im sure there are loads of woman who want to swap you with there oh's lol, i think your wife has post natal depression and has let everything get on top of her and has just exploded, us woman need time to calm down and time to think straight, i cant excuse her behaviour with throwing things at you or damaging your pc cause thats not very nice at all but i think she really needs help and being pregnant with all the extra hormones arent good but a good chat with you and the doctor should help her alot and i wish you and your wife all the luck in the world
33+2
30/7/08 23:37
I agree with the depression thing. I suffered post-natal dep with 1st and now pre-natal with this baby. my OH is so lovely and been doing a lot for me, admittedly he doesnt do a lot in the house as he works full time but makes up for it in other ways, took me to the cinema the other day for example, tells me he loves me and im a good mum even though most of the time im crying cuz im convinced im not!! he gets frustrated when i dont listen, not taking in what other people say is another sign btw. get her to explain her feelings to GP or mw who can do something for her. i wanna hug my oh now but hes on nights
good luck sweetie. shes lucky to have a guy like you29/7/08 12:19
Pregnancy, women and hormones, need I say more!
But perhaps this might help shed a little light on your plight.
I have a wonderful partner who does so much to help. He does the housework, the shopping etc etc despite working full time. I might add that we have always had a sort of 50/50 relationship when it comes to the household chores, but since being pregnant he has done so much more and I fully appreciate all the effort.
He is a really easy going guy and has always has a lot of female friends, via work etc and until I fell pregnant I was totally secure in our relationship and accepted that he had female friends, after all I have male friends.
I now feel a tad insecure. I know he loves me as he tells me all the time, he talks to bump and tells me that I look beauiful being pregnant, BUT I just dont feel it. I often have thoughts about him taking off and being with someone thats nice and slim and not someone looking like a beached whale, which is what I look like in my pregnant state.
I know deep down, I'm being irrational but I cant help feeling as I do. I get grumpy and irritated when he's speaking on MSN to female friends despite the fact he has nothing to hide and I can fully see the conversation if I wish to do so.
There is no secret, us women are just complicated irrational animals. You sound like your doing so much, if not everything right. Try talking to her, but dont pressure her. Hopefully in time she will realise just what she really has to loose.
I really hope things work out for you all. Take care x
24/7/08 11:19
just read your other message
your wife claiming she is a crap mum is a sign of depression. Do you know if she suffered PND from her previous child? If so, did she get any treatment? The reason i ask is my wife says similar, claims to be a crap mum, keeps putting herself down etc, and like you i try and go out my way to help, cook, clean, massages, do the shopping, pay all the bills etc. I suspect we may be doing too much, being too helpful, which may, indirectly, make the women feel inadequate. Just a thought.
Need any advice mate just send me a pm.
24/7/08 10:52
triedmybest
Sorry to hear about your situation mate. The secret, mate i wish i knew! Women, i just dont understand them either.
In your case though, you say everything was going really well and you guys were getting on well before her sudden outburst/change of heart.
Was it something you may have done, unknowingly, which has made her react like this? From my own experience, women at that stage in pregnancy can be very emotional due to the hormones and react over the slightest thing. My wife, about 4 months into the pregnancy, one day , dur4ing an argument in car just flung the door open of the car forcing me to slow down and she got out, when we got home, we had a massive row and she was threatening to terminate the pregnancy. she was like this for a few days so i just chose to stay out her way as i knew she wasnt thinking clearly. She has always been a very "hormonal" woman, i.e. suffering mood swings around the time of the month etc.
How is your wife normally during her periods? Is she ok or does she suffer from PMT? I cannot say for certain but i'm pretty confident its a hormone issue which is making her react like this, that combined with something else which has triggered, which may be totally out of your control.
Do you think someone may have said something to her, spread a rumour about you etc??
23/7/08 13:03
Didn;t want to read and run - please don't give up on her - i bet she is sitting somewhere wondering what on earth has happened - even though she is the one who has instigated this and wondering how to make things better.
I am assuming that the pregnancy was a planned one? If not it may be that the reality of the situation has just hit her and she is worrying about how she will cope. Good luck to all of you.
23/7/08 11:50
is there a chance she is suffering from pre-natal depression? have you heard from her since she left? What she said about the termination was an awful thing to say and as it all came out of the blue that is why I am wondering about the depression.
Whatever happens, I hope you and your little girl are looking out for each other. x22/7/08 11:37
Using my girlfriends account.
Hi there,
Sorry to hear whats happened to you. Thought I'd express my sympathy and throw my 2 pence worth into the mix with my interpretation. What I think has probably happened is your other half has kept all these feelings to herself and let them build up and up instead of talking to anyone about it. She's essentially convinced herself that what she thinks is true because you haven't been able to put her fears to rest (how could you when she didn't tell them you).
I hope things work out becuase you sound like a great guy whos been there for your wife and not been appreciated enough. I hope things turn out well with your little one and let her know she's still loved, it must be pretty hard for her.
Good Luck.
18/7/08 10:39
thanks but i’m not holding my breath this time
got to keep positive for my daughter tho and will do just that
17/7/08 19:49
ok to me it sounds like more than hormones. i was quick to assume it was.
all i can say is keep your chin up. maybe she will start thinking about everything and come back. i hope so. for you and your family
good luck
xx15/7/08 22:50
thank you
what a very kind thing to say even if at the moment i must say that i think i might have portrayed things possibly unfairly because there must surely be a reason why she has done wat she's done that i guess i've not understood
i'm just trying to work it out and work out how to tell my daughter why it is mum and the baby bro or sis she's been excited about has now gone
anyway got to keep positive for hollz!
Thanks again,that made me smile
15/7/08 22:18
Bless you, hugs to you. Nothing else to say, but i bet a lot of women wish they had you.
15/7/08 17:47
Thank you so much for replying...it's nice to know there is someone listening to my feeling confused moment.
Maybe it is me,maybe I am rubbish at this and dealing with hormones despite the fact I've tried.
I don't know but I've taken the being shouted at,taken the silent treatment and have even taken a few glasses etc being thrown in my direction and even a bottle of water over my pc and watched the smoke come out.Maybe i should have done more
I've done the school run every day,cooked the dinners,done the washing,cleaned the house,done the massages etc and i thought i'd always been therer with a hug,a cuddle and a kiss whenever i could,i've told her 50 times a day how much i love her,i've disagreed every time she's called herself a crap mum and i've told her just how fantastic i truly think she is.(sorry I'm rambling now but I'm trying to undersatand things)
I don't know what i forgot to do but just in case she ever happens to read it.....trust me i tied my best and i'm sorry it wasnt enough
15/7/08 16:07
my gosh thats awful!
Hormones do play a part but your wife has gone a bit far i feel its like she is trying to hurt you.
I do agree with last post though, ive snapped at my do when all i really wanted was a cuddle.
Hi there, i was reading this and just wanted to say i am so sorry for the situation you have found yourself in, bet you and your little girl are hurting make sure that she talks about her feelings.
Just wanted to say think that this is def down to hormones i have two children already and am 4 months preg with 3rd and deep down i know how lucky i am my partner is supportive, loving and puts himself out all the time to make me and the kids happy, but my hormones are that bad i cant stand him to be in the same room, he doesnt do anything i just am feeling really insecure so i blame him for that sometimes i have had dreams that he is having an affair so i get up and wont talk to him, bet he feels like killing me, think if it ever got that bad where i was thinking of leaving i would def not be thinking straight ( i would want him to come after me) i know that sounds as if woman are selfish but soon as i have the baby i will be all over him supporting him so 9 months does pay off.
woman espec with a first preg and all the present insecurities you say she had about being a good mum could be to blame you always think could you of done better, compare yourself first time round follow textbook rules but she just needs re-assuring that she could never fail at being a mum as she has done a great job with your little girl. know its easier said than done but if she refuses to listen then you and your little girl will move on and will find somebody that truly deserves you both. good luck x