Yea thanks claire im going to go and see them when they are back from there little hols to see what it was like while they was away cause i think they will want to tell me all about it when they get back, i will see what they think about going out and that cause i got nothing else to loose now i got to try somthing.

Thanks everyone i will let u know how it goes when i see them next their back next tuesday wish me luck

i totaly agree with claire

Hey, just gatecrashing.  Don't take it to heart too much hun, at their age I think they all go through a period where they would rather play with mates, its probably nothing to do with you. Don't think for a minute they care any less for you, its just that kids don't know how to word things so it doesn't hurt so much.

My advice would be to phone them regularly and go round to theirs when you are supposed to have them - even if you have to get the bus and all they do is say hi, talk for a minute and then you leave.  The worst thing you can do is to leave the ball in their court and wait for them to come to you.

If all else fails, bribery may work in the meantime.  Ask them if they want to see anything at the cinema or do anything in particular. 

Whatever you do, don't lose contact with them.

*good luck*

hi hunni

you know that if you come on here people will try there best to help you. my friend is a dad to 2 boys and is in the same situation as you. his boys like to play out with there friends i wouldnt worry to much they will go on holiday and realise how much they miss you. i hope you start to feel abit better soon xxxxxxx

i just got a phone call from the boys they told me they dont want to come and see me tomorrow so looks like im not going to see them before they go away i asked them why they dont want to come and they couldnt really say anything cause they was on the phone but i get that she is there they wont say anything just incase they get into trouble so i wouldnt hold that against them or nothing i just hope that when they get back they will come and see me cause i really am missing them and this i really cant take so i will see what happens now after they get back sorry for such a big rant about it but i dont really have many ppl to turn to well my family but there all just like yea bla bla as there my family and stuff.

Thanks everyone.

yea im going to see what happens tomorrow and thats not a bad idea taking there friends out with me i will keep that i mind and ask them if they want to, i dont mind to have there friends here to i just really want to see my boys thats all, i miss them so much and hopfully i can get to see them they are going away thursday so i hope i get chance to before they go.

thanks for all the advice im really greatful for it.

*big cuddles* to u babe x xxxx xxx

hi, my mum and dad split when i was 2 and i used to visit my dad everyweekend. This was great until i got to around your boys age (about 8-9) and then it wasnt that i didnt want to see my dad it was just i wanted to play out with friends like everyone else.

Anyway what i am trying to say is would you be able to have them and a couple of friends round or go to a park or something near them?

This may not be the problem but it might be worth asking your boys if they would like to bring a friend along.

*big hugs*

Just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow hope all goes well & you get to spend time with your sons. Maybe there just confused. their is a parent at my daughters school who sl*gs her daughters dad off to her in front of parents it makes my blood boil cause the little girl  tells her dad everything. the mother  then wonders y at the age of 7 the little girl has decided she wants to live with her DADDY as her mummy is nasty (her words to the court official). Things will come right in the end one way or another  

you sound a decent bloke but i can only go by what u put on bounty.

Im going to talk to them next time i see them and see what they say i will probably take them out or somthing and then ask them about it, im ment to be having them tomorrow so hopfully if they want to see me i will get the chance to ask, i try to be what i can for them so im sure they will talk to me well i hope they will cause i really dont want them to go to the meadiation and be questioned by them to find out what the problem is would rather do it myself, but as i say i got to get them to come around and see me first before i can say anything, i just dont get why they dont want to see me i try to be the best dad i can for them and i cant do no more than that i know she has had somthing to do with it, im just really missing them and hate whats happening between us as i have been wondering and thinking about it alot and hoping it has been somthing she has done or said to them and not what they want themselfs i can only do what i think is best for them so if it has come from them i must be doing somthing wrong.

Thanks for all the advice i am really greatfull im sorry i been going on about it so much but i just love my boys and miss them, i just really needed some one to talk to about the matter cause is is really starting to get me down when i think about it i cant help but feel upset and sad, thanks again everyone.  

Only flicked through your post and the replies but it sounds as if your ex has "worded up" your kids! Thts not what they want, it sounds more like what your ex has brainwashed them to want. Stay strong and ask your kids to be honest about what they want. If you treat your kids like people rather than children you'll get an honest answer out of them.  Just make sure they know that if they tell there daddy thh truth they wil be doing the right thing and they will tell you how they feel. To me it sounds like your ex has brainwashed them... not that hard to do on kids but make sure they know that what mummy says is not the be all and end all! If you reassure them there doing the right thing they will tell you the truth!! Good luck friend!!

i am waiting for the next mediation date to come up so i can go see them and inform them about it and see what they say about the matter, if i ask a family member to talk to her she just plays stupid as tho she has nothing to do with it and the boys wont say if she has or hasnt so cause they think they will be in trouble for saying but then there just being kids after all, i'm ment to have them next tuesday so im going to have to wait and see what they say about coming then as i wont force them into coming to see me its totally there choice and wouldnt make them do somthing they dont want to do, i just hope i can get to the bottom of it and find out why they dont want to see me cause when ever i think about it i get upset cause there isnt anything i wouldnt do for my kids and its just really making me feel so down, but only they can tell me whats going on but for me to get them to tell me i need to get them alone but thats easier said than done i just hope its sorted soon and i get to see them more than i do now, u just feel so alone about things and this is one of those things and with out my gf support i wouldnt know what to do.

if yr ex is bragging to u about yr sons not wanting to see u then u can bet she has something to do with it. to be honest it sounds as if she is using them to get to you & its working. u could try speaking to citizens advice/solicitor about court mediation. they can speak to your sons to find out why they dont wanna see u anymore. just keep doing what your doing and if all else fails at least youve tried.  which is a damn sight more than some men.

is there not a family member u can get to talk to her/them?

No i dont really get on with her, i dunno she prolly does have something to do with it in some way or another but im not 100% sure i have spoken to her on the phone and she told me what they said and she wasnt nice about it tbh she kinda rubbed it in a little that they want to spend time with her and not me so i just dunno what to about the situation just wait and see untill the next time i see them again or im ment to and see what they say to me, im hoping they will get used to the idea of seeing me and then want to come around but i dunno there was somthing in the way they said it to me, but i really dont know it just really hurting the fact they dont want to come around here and see me, its really getting me down but all i can do is wait untill the next time and see what they say and hope they want to.

Thanks for the advice

Do you still have good relationship with your ex???? i obviously don't know anything about your bachground mate and i have no experience in the kind of problem you have.

Can you arrange a few days out as a family together, with there mother there they can't say they missing anything and you can spend some quality time together and build things from there

all i say mate is i hope your boy's come round i'm sure they will

Oh dear. That's really sad. Maybe they really are homesick.

is it possible that your x could have something to do with your sons not wanting to visit. I don't mean any offence but it does happen.

If your sons really don't want to visit there's not much you can do. Maybe you could ask your x to have a word with them, maybe she could find out what's wrong.

Sorry but apart from that i don't know what else to say. good luck.

Just need a little bit of a rant if u dont mind, i have twin boys and i get to see them about 3 times a week but since i have been able to see them they decided not to want to see me on the days i have them but me being me i dont mind that they might not always want to come see me as there out with there friends or somthing which is fair enough i dont mind that so i dont force them in to coming here,

But then lastnight i was ment to have them over night as they wanted to stay which made me really happy as i havnt had them overnight yet, i dont get to have them to much overnight but then lastnight there mum come around with there stuff as they asked her to bring pillows quilts etc etc this was about 8 o'clock lastnight u know the bed time stuff then about 30 mins later they decided they wanted to go home cause they was missing there mum which really upset me as i had them all day was looking forward to watching movies and that with them but then they came out with that and wanted to go home so i let them cause i wouldnt stop them anyway im not that sort of dad, so then while on there way home in a taxi they decide to drop a bomb shell on me saying "dad we dunno if we want to see u anymore!" and this coming from ur kids is the hardest thing that can be said to u there nearly 9 in september and this broke me hearing them say that broke my heart tbh i didnt know what to do! i was ment to see them today aswell but i heard nothing from them atall but its hard for me to go get them as i dont drive so i need others to get them for me or i have to ask there mum to bring them around here for me and i dont like her on the best of days so i would rather her stay away lol sorry, but i am greatful she does bring them to see me, what it is im just wondering if anyone could help me a little and please tell me what to do cause im really at wits end about what to do and it is really getting me down :'(  i just feel so fed up for 2 young boys at that age not wanting to see there dad.

thanks