At 6 weeks after having your lo
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- At 6 weeks after having your lo
7/10/08 20:32
Completely normal to have the anxiety thing with MIL or other family. Funny because I get the same thing and another girl I go to a PND group with says she feels the same with her MIL. I think sometimes we feel that perhaps MIL is trying to take over or may even want to take our babies away from us! Sounds silly but sometimes I actually feel that! Also we feel very attached to our babies having gone through the whole 9 months pregnancy and then the birth, and suddenly this woman comes along wanting to see your baby all the time, doing things to it you perhaps wouldnt do yourself (i.e holding it in a certain way e.t.c) and loves your baby to bits. But perhaps we feel that we dont want anyone to love our babies as much as we do because we are the mums. Also, I had difficulty bonding with my baby in the first couple of weeks and I didnt want anyone else to bond with him if I couldnt! I think sometimes it feels like in-laws or perhaps other family members are looking at you thinking youre not doing a good job and they can do it better, but at the end of the day, NO ONE can do this job better that US. We are the mums and our babies need us. As for the PND questionnaire, I found that when I did the questionnaire, I felt completely different to the next week, so its not very accurate. Talking about your problems or worries if definitely the best therapy. xx7/10/08 20:14
my hv came and said 'so are you feeling ok then?' That was it, no questionnaire, nothing!!! It might have been for dd2 but even still I could still have had PND!!!! Not good!!!
7/10/08 20:14
my hv came and said 'so are you feeling ok then?' That was it, no questionnaire, nothing!!! It might have been for dd2 but even still I could still have had PND!!!! Not good!!!
7/10/08 20:03
i had pnd after my son 10 yrs ago-but considering he needed an op at 2 weeks and i cdnt feed him for 2 days while we were waiting-no wonder.he had a drip,thingy down his nose.....it was awful.my pnd left me feeling terrified of losing him-he slept on my bed till he was 2! but i still have huge fears of losing my children.we have finally put Lotte upstairs by herself before we go to bed-it feels soooooo odd not to have her close by.it doesnt help that i had 3 mcs before her.i sometimes feel i dont deserave my 3 children and will lose them any day................
7/10/08 18:53
lorna, i take it you've been through the same experiences?
i think it's perfectly natural to feel so protective when you've suffered loss & almost lost again. you think that your child is the only thing that can't be taken from you, but things happen & situations pop up where you feel really out of control & that fear of loss comes back.
you see people pawing at him & passing him round like something at a ruddy tupperware party & you just want to s*** him up & scream 'he's mine, leave him alone!! he's not here for your amusement!'
but you worry that people are going to think you're neurotic if you say anything.i know with me it's insecurity. we losy my nan suddenly 3wks before ds was due, so i'm also a little paranoid during the night & check on him regularly to make sure he's still breathing, but i know things will get better.
in time i'm sure that when his family visit, i won't feel like they're 'invading'! doesn't help that his niece & nephew are horribly naughty & his family let them get away with it, but i know that we will bring up ds to be good in the first place & hopefully he won't be influenced by them (if he is, there'll be big trouble!).7/10/08 18:37
I know some people have found it useful finding out how depressed they were by their scores but I found the pnd test (which I had at 6 weeks) pretty useless. It was just way too obvious and if I was depressed but didn't want people to know it was obvious which answers to choose.
For example, one question was:
In the past week I have looked forward with enjoyment to things:
- As much as I ever did
- Rather less than I used to
- Definitely less than I used to
- Hardly at all
Didn't seem very psychological to me
7/10/08 17:41
Ladyrider.......that was like reading all about me.......Its spooked me out, wow. Thats exactly how I am and feel.
xx
7/10/08 17:30
its YOUR baby, if you dont want people to hold her tell them no
try a sling, more cozy and then baby is even closer
7/10/08 17:30
i find it amazing that i can talk to people on here about things i cant say to my hubby! think it coz its easier to put it down on paper rather than say it! it is so helpfull bounty is amazing x
7/10/08 17:27
if you have a decent gp you can speak to them too hun - if you are feeling down it is best you get help sooner rather than later. my hv sussed me out at my 3 week check - i have since been seeing a councellor and it has been a great help. Things will get better it just taes time xxx
7/10/08 17:26
I feel very protective of my LO too lorna. I had a miscarriage last year, a difficult pregnancy with a nightmare labour & birth which ended in an emergency c-section. We nearly lost DS because I was allowed to labour too long & he came out of me barely alive.
I'm now having probs BF & feel like this is the only thing that I can give him, being as my body failed him during labour, now that looks like it's going to be taken away from me hence why I hate any of my OH's family holding him or pushing his pram. I bite my tongue but I have full-on anxiety attacks when his family visit. I'm fine with my family though!!I did ask OH if he'd stay in the area & bring up our son here (my home area) but he said it's natural to want to be near your family & I'm terrified that if that ever happened to me, he'll take him away from my family.
I've seriously considered seeking legal advice to see if there's any way of stopping OH from doing that (it sounds awful doesn't it but I just can't help it!).7/10/08 17:26
Thanks very much Lolly and AttachedMama (for the message too) means alot. Its funny, this seems to be the only place that I feel comfortable at the moment - I like the caring, sharing nature - thanks ladies.
7/10/08 17:16
I sent you a message Lorna
7/10/08 17:13
u dont need to be sorry hun x how old is ur lo? i really hope things start to get better soon and if u ever need to talk pm me x
7/10/08 17:02
Sorry - its not like me to react like that. One of those hard days - have just returned from my PND group and I just dont see how I feel changing I guess. Sorry for the reaction. Thanks for the hugs xx
AttachedMama - how do others react / cope with you not letting them touch your lo. I wish I was in that position - instead I am made to feel like I am the enemy?
7/10/08 17:01
I havent had ~PND that I know of yet but I know people who have even my mum with me and so its definately something they should do to help people whether first time mum or 60th time mum (not that thats possible) it is much more well known about now rather than it used to be and in a good way means that if you get it you are not alone and there is alot of help there for you, some areas are probably better than others but thats life I guess, if anyone is coping well people can tell and if anyone is struggling and to scared to ask for help they hopefully will be able to do something for those mums! xxx I hope none of you get it as from experience just being depressed is hard let alone with a little baby to look after at the same time xxx big respect to those who have dealt with it and those that help them through it xxx
7/10/08 16:58
sending u some hugs lorna x
7/10/08 16:57
I was trying to help cause you said it was a problem re your MIL and I don't think it is, sorry if that upsets you
7/10/08 16:55
AttachedMama - As I said its a long story - there is alot more to it - please dont tell me if I do or dont have pnd. I was simply answering your question. I will leave it at that but I found your post quite hurtful.
7/10/08 16:51
when I was very sick after the birth the doc refused to do a home visit, even though they were next door. Funny how different it is, HV does 1 visit here too.
maybe cause I'm a 2nd time mum
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