Feel like such a crap mum
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- 19-24 Month Toddler
- Feel like such a crap mum
21/9/08 20:19
19/9/08 14:33
This really rings true. I've gone home after so many playgroups feeling really angry about children taking toys from my dd and her just standing there looking all sad. But you can't do anything, they just have to learn.
It's horrible when they get pushed or shoved but teaching them to push back as one poster suggested will just make your child angry and aggresive and bully other children.
Last week my dd started sticking up for herself and sometimes going too far by pushing other children, then I step in. But it just goes to show after months of being very calm and passive she has changed overnight. Your lo will get there x
19/9/08 12:57
Firstly you are not a crap Mum! You are brilliant Mum for noticing, and for caring about the situtaion.
At this age, its a wonder if they do play together, as they have just learnt really to realise that there are other little people in the world. Interacting on a one to one basis is probably the best you can hope or. Social skills do not come natuarlly for most children, and they have to leanr them, just like everything else.
Unless your child has started at nursery from a very young age, or has loads of cousins/siblings, you will probably find this to be the case. Don't worry, as she grows, she will learn how to make herself known to others, and will happily play with them, and be included in their games too.
19/9/08 10:40
My dd is exactly the same as your dd and it breaks my heart. i have been in tears about it a few times. I have started to get her interacting with children more. We now go out to playgroup a lot more and ive started teaching her to take back. My friends little boy who is 2 takes my dd's dummy from her and usually she just lets him and looks sad about it, so now i tell her to take it back, its yours and thank god she has started to. Also when he pushes or hits her ive started telling her to hit him back and she sometimes does this too. Sounds nasty getting her to hit back but what other way will she learn to stick up for herself?
19/9/08 00:08
Hi don't worry she is still young and her full personality has not come through yet. You are not a crap mum. Don't be so hard on yourself. Some kids are more domineering than others and you should be glad your dd is not one of them but a considerate little lady. She will not always be like this for example my brother was the shyest most quiet little boy you could ever meet but then he started school and become one of the popular boys. I think once they find themsleves it will all change. Their attitude and personality will def change gradually over time. Maybe turn her low esteem into a positive thing like when you notice her being pushed around by other kids just explain to her what they are doing is not nice but they don't understand what they are doing and encourage her to go and find another play mate instead. This way you are teaching her that there are other friends around and she don't need those kids who don't want to play with her. Therefore teaching her to move on and not to dwell on things and be upset over it. I hope i've helped in some ways and remember it always hurts us more than it does them so don't be so sad. xxx19/9/08 00:00
Hi, couldn't read and run. Ds sounds like your dd. Its perfectly normal though, I think its around the age of 2 1/2 - 3 that they start to actually 'play' with other kids. Its then they start underatanding about sharing etc. Your cetainly not a crap mum x
18/9/08 23:27
My 21 month old dd doesnt understand other children and doesnt really get how to play with them, she often gets pushed around by other children when at toddler groups as she doesnt stick up for herself. It makes me so sad to see her like that it makes me cry. She has friends she plays with one on one and is usally fine with them but not really that interseted in them. Anyway i keep thinking its my fault as i have very low self esteem and maybe shes the same. With me and family shes fine though. Will she always be like this?? I dont want her being bullied by other children.
my ds is exactly the same! he's nearly 2, he talks & signs loads at home & around people he's comfortable with but very quiet in busy social situations. At mum & toddler group etc. he often lets other children take his toys, once he even told the other child to say "ta" ! he's just started to stick up for himself a little by refusing & turning away when another child tries to take his toy. I'm sure when his confidence develops more & he becomes more sure of himself he'll get a bit louder & forthright! he's always been a very careful, considerate boy, but I do worry about bullies at nursery too, there are so many bolshy kids around!!