O.D.D - Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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- O.D.D - Oppositional Defiant Disorder
25/4/08 16:01
25/4/08 15:59
Mine are : 15, 10,9, practically 3 and practically 2. And unfortunately no more planned (would love to have 7 boys) because I swear the house is shrinking. We only have 4 bedrooms and the loft is a way off being converted yet.
At least without girls theres no monthly problems, i wont have to pay for any weddings, an no borrowing of make-up/perfume etc. And it is nice being the special 'only girl' in the house.
I have no basis for this next comment either: boys tend to be more simple, not bearing a grudge or being manipulative/devious, just having a massive row and getting over it... perhaps??? so that makes things easier??? perhaps im completely wrong - let me know!
I was made to feel that i was being useless too at my first appointments with DS1, they claimed he couldnt possibly be ADHD because he could be trusted to stay in a room with a playstation and not wander off. Wandering off is NOT acceptable.. and wandering AWAY from a playstation (10yrs ago)? why would he want to? Then they changed their minds and diagnosed ADHD and offered medication... so from a useless mother, to an offer of medication in less than a month, what was going on? It took a further 4yrs to get a full 3day evaluation. GRRR i really shouldnt get started!!!!
However, the new paediatrition is much more on the ball. On wednesday i went for a check up with DS5 (failure to thrive) and mentioned that im concerned about his lack of developement... he immediately referred me to child development team for a full assessment and to start with speech therapy ASAP. How different!
25/4/08 14:19
omg 5 boys !!!!! in my house the boys are so much more hard work that would scare the hell out of me lol
i have 3 boys and 2 girls . dont get me wrong i love my boys i love all my kids dearly .the boys seem to need alot more attention and patience , the 2 older boys my youngest son is near 2 and so far so good no signs of adhd im hoping it stays that way .
my 2nd oldest son is being assesed in may he has been seen once before i think the peed just thought i couldnt cope and dismissed the whole thing really , im hoping this time they will listen to me !!!!
how old are all your children ???
mine are near 9 7,near 6 1,and 5 months no more for us although i would love more lol xxx
25/4/08 13:00
we actually have 5 sons in total... they all kinda accept him for who he is - quirks and all, and tend to avoid him if hes in meltdown.
ooh i also remember a time in the 'dark times' when he would argue for the sake of it - everything was challenged, couldnt make even the slightest bit of chit chat without him arguing. That was painful. and if it hadnt have been so relentless at the time - it might have been comical.
25/4/08 12:00
lol no need to say sorry im the one that keeps asking you the questions !!!
thanks you for taking the time to reply to me vick xxx
25/4/08 09:08
OMG - i did go on a bit there, sorry
25/4/08 09:07
Everything is still 'black and white', and quite often both black and white (he can totally believe in two opposing thoughts at the same time - insisting that it must be grandma on the phone, whilst shes sat in the same room as him!)
At 15, hes a likeable chap, growing sense of humour, always happy to try and help. Hes still very nervous of the cooker, and worries about his future. Although at the moment hes still very dependant, i believe that eventually he will be independant - with a job (hes not frightened of hard work) and hopefully a family of his own, tho i do rather worry that he might struggle with any ADD sons he might have. I think he may need a very level headed wife, or one thats extremely laid back!
Sorry Ive rambled... again
25/4/08 09:06
hi there
my sons behaviour?...
well, as a very small child he had the attention span of a goldfish - wouldnt even look in a toybox to play. He was obsessed with disney films (in particular beauty and the beast). At 4 wks he loved to watch TV (if only id have given that more thought at the time!!!) He has always been incredibly impulsive - hes almost hung himself, thrown water up at a lightbulb in the bathroom, drunk the liquid out of a leaking battery...
Hes currently 15 and still very young for his age - he has the mental playing age of a 10y/o. He gets extremely frustrated by even the smallest of things. But even from a young age he understood that violence (kicking and punching simply isnt acceptable) he tends to do a lot of teeth grinding and fist making, and shouting - but I always try to listen to him (even if its totally rediculous, when hes the one causing the problem - but thinks its everyone elses fault! no amount of arguing will make him see another point of view) try not to argue back (that just gets him more riled up) but just like with a toddler, distraction is better in minor disturbances, and 'be the better man' sometimes works too.
A lot of the upset is caused by his adhereance to 'rules', rules which nobody knows anything about, because they are in his head. Plans which he also has in his head, which dont pan out the way he wants (but again no-one knows anything of these plans) also cause great upset. But even if hes asked about the way he thinks things should be - he cant put his thoughts into words, and gets frustrated and upset.
Age 8/9/10 was probably the very worst seeming to deliberately cause upset, acts of spitefulness, endless talking about nothing, bouncing off the walls, tantrums, nagging, bullying, eugh - it was horrid! I really had reached the end of any tether available!
The behaviour didnt get any worse for a couple of years and probably reached a plateau at the point of around 11/12, which meant that his behaviour was more predictable, and we (as a family) could try and avoid doing the things that upset him most (going places, saying things, doing activities).
He has always needed to know the 'plan' for the day, practically a minute-by-minute account of what he can expect. However, deviate even very slightly from the plan and hes into meltdown mode. Equally as bad if he doesnt get the plan for the day. Meltdown also if hes told the plan, but doesnt like it! cos then he stresses all day about the thing that he doesnt like the sound of! Or if the plan doesnt match his unknown plan, so an activity may be OK one day... and send him into meltdown the next! cant win!!!
Probably around age12/13 saw a slight improvement of behaviour, very slighty calmer. He still needed the 'plan' but coped slightly better with last minute modifications to it. SLightly less spiteful actions, and more helpful ones instead (if he wanted to help). He was ignoring people more - but i think it was a possibility that he was in a bit of a daze.
It was at this time too that the seizures started occuring. Tests were done at the hospital, but no cause was ever found. Neurologists couldnt find an answer either. Incidentally i couldnt keep up with his growth rate at this time - he now has stretch marks all down his back and hips as a result.
From age 13/14 his behaviour is a marked improvement. He still gets frustrated, still needs plans, but is altogther easier to live with. He is still very impulsive - cant really see a whoops waiting to happen. But he likes having small responsibilites within the family. I think secretly he enjoys being the eldest and having all his brothers 'look up' him and having to play games by his 'rules'. Everything is still 'black and white', and quite often both black and white (he can totally believe in two opposing thoughts at the same time - insisting that it must be grandma on the phone, w
24/4/08 10:46
wow ...... i never really thought of it that way .
thats why its nice to hear other peoples views on it espec mums who live with adhd day in day out .
how has your son behaviour changed as he has got older , im am hoping at some point we can stop medicating and jay can learn to controll his own behavour .
how does it affect your other 2 boys ??? sorry for all the questions but like i said it nice to get other views on it espech as your sons a few years older xxx
23/4/08 13:28
Something else to ponder on...
I remember me and DH discussing child development. How come that when they are tiny its OK for children to reach milestones at any point between X and Y?
Yet when it comes to academic stuff, ALL children are expected to perform at certain levels at specific ages? Maybe some children arent actually ready to read or form friendships until older than the stated 'norm' and this makes life very difficult for those who expect it, and very frustrating for those who dont 'perform' IYSWIM.
To a year old baby, 6 mths is half its life time, whilst 6mths to a 10y/o is only 'last summer'. And yet it doesnt matter if the baby starts a few words at the beginning of that 6mths, or at the end. When it comes to a 10y/o he is expected to perform in that term of school - but to apply the same logic, surely the 10y/o should be able to perform anywhere from 7yrs to 12yrs and still be 'normal' but its considered late or special needs if its as late as 12yrs....
Put simply, you cant force a baby to walk until its ready. And you cant force an older child to perform certain tasks until its ready. It would be pointless to try if that child simply isnt ready.
hmm
sorry got on a bit of a roll there...
23/4/08 13:13
We never even really considered a statement for him - i think we were told that it took forever and practically useless anyway.. so we never really went down that avenue.
If we had have had a statement then we wouldnt have been able to take him out of school (or so Im told) so, its a good job we didnt.
One of his teachers did not 'believe in dyslexia' which didnt help matters. Another teacher let him sharpen pencils for living. Week by week he came home more and more frustrated and angry, he took out his anger on his younger brothers...
And as for patience - i can thoroughly understand why some animals eat their young!!!
XXX
23/4/08 12:37
hiya , its nice to talk to someone who has a good insight on adhd and different views on it .
i take my hat off to you ,you must have the patience of a saint or just doing what you need to do being mum .
i have also considerd removing my son from school on a few occasions , not sure how he would cope with out the social interaction , as he also has aspergers syndrome and finds it hard to make or keep friends any way .
sorry i presumed you medicated your son it was the way i read it , i do understand not everyone will medicate .
as you have probally gatherd my son is medicated he takes quite a high dose of ritalin and also takes risperidol wich im in the process of taking him off ....
did you get your son statemented ?
22/4/08 16:29
Sorry to have taken a while in getting back...
my son was never on Ritalin - it was hard... very hard. At the time the next 2 children were only toddlers. But we were really against ritalin - we were extremely nervous of long term effects of such a strong drug, we really believed that it wasnt the route for him. He was taken out of school in year 5 and I home educated, and have been since. It was really hard, patience and energy was at an all time low. He was extremely resistant to doing the work itself (he hadnt really done any in the previous 2 terms). I felt that the younger 2 were not getting the attention they deserved.
I spent a time not particularly liking my son during that time - but I always loved him.
But we really felt that our son would have to - and could - learn to live with and cope with the condition he has for life. I understand that there are many children for who ritalin is a must, and family life would break without it.
I noticed a definate difference in his frustration levels within a month (certainly not cured! but very much calmer - i think due to the lack of need to compete with anyone). We are pleased with the way he has grown and believe that NOT going to school and learning everyone elses bad habits (after all he WOULD have gone into the bottom sets because of his behaviour - despite his IQ being 120) has been more productive than anything he may have missed out on through not going to school. Socially, he does fine - and adults are more accepting of unusual behaviour than children
And now? I rather like him - hes a chatty chap with a growing sense of humour and although hes not always that good at understanding how others feel and why, he DOES understand that they do. And i think thats a good start - after all some people who dont have any diagnosed condition dont seem to realise that others have feelings.
Hang in there... your little man will be someone you can relate to and feel close to again, soon.
HTH XXX
22/4/08 13:57
hi is your son still taking ritalin ??
i have been told by my gp that once my son turns 16 it;s then his choice to take the medication wich is quite a scary thought , i have 2 bil that are 15 and 16 one has adhd and the other odd and adhd both have stopped there medication and spoke pot instead , i dont want that for my son
22/4/08 13:13
i know - i was very worried too. Its by no means all ADHD kids, but im not sure how 'some' it is, Probably cos no-one talks about it!!! So basically i dont know how likely it is.
My son had about 5 episodes, in a 3year period. There didnt seem to be any trigger - but by episode 3/4 he knew it was going to happen and had maybe a few seconds to sit/lay down to avoid injury. They lasted no longer than 2/3 minutes. They didnt seem to cause any long lasting problems other than fear just before and sleepiness after.
They had the typical eye-rolling, muscle flexing/spasm, rigidity, strange vocal noises, "seizure" look to them...
They occured during the phase of most growth too... not sure if that had anything to do with it.
22/4/08 12:41
OMG !!!! .that is quite scary my son is 8 but he will be 9 next month and i have noticed since just before christmas his behavior has got alot worse . he seems to find it more fun misbehaving than not .
why are we not told about the siezers (sp) ,
i think its about time ADHD became a recognised condition , all they seem to do is diagnose medicate and send you on your way . with no support nothing .
and were the ones who have to deal with it all
22/4/08 09:34
HI,
Im not sure if what im about to say will make you feel better - or worse!
Im hoping for better...
My ADHD son is now 15. he was diagnosed at 7 (with much battling and very little support, all i was offered was ritalin, no groups, therapies or anything else at all). I must say that the very worst of his behaviour (or the hardest to cope with) wasprobably aged around 9ish (possibly 10) but definately since 12 (and the onset of puberty) he has calmed down considerably. He still has outbursts, impulsive behaviour and some truly bizarre behaviour, but hes able to talk about why hes feeling angry more easily without exploding and thats certainly helped.
One last point that NO-ONE mentioned to me, but happened across some info only yesterday...
when he was around 13 or so, he used to have 'seizures'. He never had them before, and hes not had one for a year or so now, and seems to have grown out of it. All the doctors didnt know why it happened and claimed that they could not have been seizures, for one reason or another - but I saw it happen, and i know what i saw. DS always 'came round' woozy and quiet, even slept sometimes!!!! unknown for my ADHD son. It terrified him at times. Apparently, according to research its not unknown for seizures during puberty for ADHD kids - something to do with abundance of hormones and the brains receptors being overloaded. wish someone could have told me that nugget of info at the time, to save my grey hair!!!!!
Hope it helps, even if only very slightly. XXX
21/4/08 11:27
hi claire you just described my life lol.
have you got other children ?? i have 4 others 2 boys and 2 girls also jay .
i would love to take jay off his medication and i have done a couple of times for a month at a time due to his weight and looking ill , its certinally not easy .
we were never given any kind of support for jay luckily his pead is really nice if i have probs inbetween appts i can phone him and he does phone me back . hes just gone on a sebatical for a year so i dont know what im going to do now .
are you finding as your sons getting older his behaviour is getting worse ??
vick xxx
21/4/08 11:08
Hi Vicki, my name is clare and I live in Dorset. I have an 8 year old son with ADHD and he has been on medication since he was 5. We really hate medicating him as the highs and lows are as hard to cope with as the ADHD but he wouldn't be able to cope at school or go out to play if we didn't. It makes you feel so guilty as it also depresses him and makes him a little introvert, but what price do you have to pay to give your son a taste of a normal life? Each time we go for a check up with the Consultant all she ever says (in our 10 minute slot) is "hi, how are things? managing on the medication? if not up it". Not what we want to hear, I get fed up of going. Wish I could move to a desert island with my family and he could be free to just be himself, no matter how disruptive that may be!.
Sorry to go on, it's just that there is absolutely no support for people with children like ours, it makes me so angry. Last year we enroled on the Dore programme, its a series of exercises carried out twice a day, they last about 5 minutes a time and they are supposed to re-connect the cerebelum, a small part of the brain at the back of the head, which in cases like these can be disconnected. It's certainly helped him with his reading and writing, his school work has come on well but sadly, it hasn't helped him ADHD. We're just getting to the angry stage and him shouting at us at night, as he is coming down from his medication. It's so hard isn't it. You love them so much and I just can't bear to see my lovely little lad like this. What can we do??
Would love to hear from you, maybe we can bounce ideas??
Clare.
21/4/08 10:15
hiya , can i just say any drug is dangerous if not taken properly .
as for the ritalin it goes in and out of the body within 4 hours its not as mad as people think .. my son has been taking it for nearly 5 years . i cant say i was happy about it but like dilly says its not just about that child it affects everyone else .
my son saw a psyoligyst (sp) had his ears checked we went to a dietition all sorts before we went down the root of medication . its not something you take likely with your children but you have to think of the child and everyone around the child .
is your 7yr DS the only one with additional needs? how long have you been trying to get something sorted with him? how long have you had concerns? Do your other children accept him OK?