hi there, i just read the original thread and it was like something that has been written by me! 

my son is 4 in june and is exactly the same as you said, were waiting for a diagnosis at the mo,

we have figured out a few ways of dealing with days out but they are not all ideal.

i have 3 children age 17mths, almost 4 and almost 8. i tend to find that when they are all in the back of the car together he goes crazy if he is sat next to big sister, so now we put the baby car seat in the middle and he is less distracted and can rock in his own world as he does in the car.

i take the eldest out on my own on asaturday morning be it swimming or shopping, just me and her quiet time. i put dylan in nursery a few days a week so i can spend timw with the baby.

on a weekend we tend to go out early ish, about 9-10 am so places are less crouded and he isnt tired. quiet places so he can walk and not be in crowds are best. parks are awful, if he is over stimulated he goes mad, turns like so fast, spits, bites,swears ect ect.

we tend to only stay in the same place for a short while then go somewhere to calm down give him a treat on a quiet bench to calm him down.

he is scared of rides so seasides are out of the days out, he wont go in shops ect so it sreally finding a place you can all go, dalby fores is nice, any forest, big fields with a picnik, take a kite, even for jusy 1/2 an hour before he runs off!

i hope this helps a little, your not on your own hun x x x x

Hi there. I know how you feel I get fed up of other people's negative reactions to my ds even those that know he has special needs can say inappropriate things and get too personal for my liking. It's as if because your child has special needs you and them are no longer given the same respect as others. Really pees me off.

Ive only recently encountered this problem.

DS5 (almost 2yrs) was playing in the sensory garden across at surestart. Along with autism he also has pica, he was eating: bark, earth, leaves, anything small enough to get in his mouth! A woman started saying "do you ever feed this child?" and I smiled and said "oh its a habit he eats everything" and smiled and tried to walk away. She said "have you tried feeding him food instead?" I tried to laugh it off, but she continued 2 or 3 times...

She might have said it with a smile at first - but she obviously meant it, practically accused me of starving him! Unfortunately he has failure to thrive too, so he is a skinny little thing, even tho actually he eats very well considering and will eat just about anything put on his plate (except meat - but hes a toddler!)  And from her perspective maybe it looked more worrying than it was. I was feeling very awkward and it wasnt at all pleasant.

But should i have to explain all to a complete stranger? and how many times a week would I have to do it???

I've never given two hoots about what strangers think of me but it can be quite hurtful when negative comments are directed at ds1. He'll randomly hug strangers and tell them he loves them. Sometimes he'll do the total opposite and tell someone he doesn't like the look of to go away. I remember one time some nice old chap walked past us in the park and ruffled ds1's hair (he is after all a very handsome young pup lol) and ds1 went NUTS. The guy looked at him like he was an alien or something lol. I try to remember that ds1's disability is invisible and to the untrained eye, he does look like a bit of a brat at times. I try not to take notice of other people and focus purely on ds's while I'm out.

Ds1 made quite an achievement today. He's been terrified of hand dryers in public toilets for ages. Anyway today at our local shopping centre, ds1 had a little accident. I wasn't prepared to let him walk home in wet trousers and didn't have enough cash on me to buy new ones to go home in. He hates the feel of wet clothes (he'll change clothes if he gets one drop of juice on him) so I told him the nice dryer was going to make the wetness disappear and make his trousers dry again. He stood peering out of the cubicle while I dried his trousers, talking to the dryer as I did it. It ended with ds1 "making friends" with the dryer and saying thank you.... he has finally lost his fear. Anyway, the point I'm making is that I must have looked a right nutter today! I was standing talking to a dryer while holding pee soaked trousers underneath it! Then ds1 and I both stood stroking the dryer saying "thank you very much." I helped ds rather than think about how we must've looked. The opinions of strangers don't matter to me. You'll develop a thicker skin in time. It's quite liberating when you get to that stage. Once you stop worrying, you'll grow to enjoy your time out with lo xx

They can offer childcare? most of the time?

I definitly agree about the security guards!!

I hope my son settles in school, I know he needs to go really as he needs more mental stimulation and gets bit bored at preschool. I was also told he will benefit from the routine as oposed to preschool.

x

When Harry started school, lots of preparation was done beforehand. His 1:1 support took lots of photos of the school, all the different places Harry would go and the teachers etc. This helped Harry familiarise himself with different surroundings before attending school.

It's important that your ds knows where he will be sitting, where his coat should be hung etc etc. Ask if you can put photos of his face in these places if it will help him learn, they did this for Harry at nursery.

The Earlybird support should be able to assist you with any of these ideas, and suggest things to help the transition run more smoothly.

Sorry don't know why my last post had the thumbs down smiley.

My son is also starting september and we are starting the earlybird support i also get support from protage and Thomas outreach project, If any of you have heard of them? He has also just been statmented (if thats the rigth word) a 1 to 1 helper.

Im not looking forward to matthew starting school though tbh just a bit worried about the changes that will take place..

Yes he covers his ears for loud noises all the time and goes all tense x

If your ds starts full time (reception?), then I would imagine you would be invited to the Earlybird Plus which I mentioned. I went on the 10 week course which was started this time last year while Harry was still at nursery, and due to start reception in the September.

It was a course for parents of children with ASD who were school age, and also allowed to attend were key workers of the children. Harry's nursery teacher came with me, and with permission, his newly appointed 1:1 support.

I was sent an invitation to attend from my local council, who have an outreach support centre for my area. Harry's nursery were also invited, but they could only attend with my permission.

It's run by the National Autistic Society, so you will probably find some information on their website about the course.

The course was free, and they even supplied childcare if needed.

I found it was a great help, even just meeting with other parents and sharing our experiences was brilliant for me. I soon realised I wasn't alone, others knew how I felt, and could empathise.

I'm so glad I went, as I really didn't want to go. It was only because his nursery teacher approached me that I did. It gave me confidence to deal with things, and take things in my stride.

thank you for replys. my other child is 10 months and my dsd is 9.  i think i am going to avoid situations, and looking back to last monday, he was tired aswel and we did take the risk so we are going to avoid simple things like that to try and help getting out. how do i go about this early bird course? im going to do the timetable thing and try to keep a good rutine aswel, which is easier said than done but it will help him.  kant wait till september hel be full time! il be there outside gates at 8am! 

Does he cover his ears when he hears them?

Ds2 covers his whenever he hears a noise he doesn't like, but we also warn him to cover his ears if we know a noise is coming up.

We have found his dislikes change too. What might bother him for a few weeks, won't necessarily bother him later on. He gets used to certain noises, and we have found that gradual exposure to them works well, he builds up a resistance so to speak.

We have just started the early bird programme

My son hates the hand dryers in the toilets, he will make a fuss and so now we stand away from it, other parents stare and wonder why hes making a fuss but i just carry on with what im doing/talking to my  son and Ignore them!

I agree with using a visual timetable. My ds2, now 5, was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. I went on the Earlybird Plus program and learnt a few techniques which have proved invaluable.

It's important that your ds knows what is happening and when, so the timetable really helps them prepare for what's coming up next.

Be aware also that your ds might have extra sensitive hearing, sight, hearing, taste, touch. All these things can trigger a 'hissy fit'. My ds hates certain noises, hoovers, mowers, motorbikes etc.

The supermarket could have flickering lights which upset him, or he may not like the smell of the bread for example. It helps to know what triggers it off.

As far as the general public go, I don't give a stuff what they do or say. I used to, but like another poster I have grown a thick skin.

i have learned to grow a very thick skin, i have 3 autistic children, when i see someone tut i just smile back at them, people stare it's in their nature, it can help to build up a number of places you visit regulary, only thing is learn to walk around them the same way everytime, when we go to the zoo or a local outdoor museum thing we have locally, we walk the same way round every time no matter what, we even have to build regular toliet breaks into our day out even if no one needs to go otherwise they don't cope with the change, We make a point of taking them out to eat once a week so that a meal out is a routine thing, My oldest has only one place that he will go to eat anywhere else is a nono

My son was diagnosed this time last year at aged 3, and found it incredibly difficult out of the house taking him anywhere, people stare, making you feel ike a bad parent etc. ( I have even had comments made to me about him and have wept when we got back to the car)  We went on the early bird course and found that really useful, we now have a special needs buggy and found by just having that people dont stare as much - then if they do you sling out your 'imaginary lasso' (like the cowboys) and what is going on in that circle is ALL that matters and try to block out everything else.  It IS really hard but I have found this works, along with trying to identify what triggers him off and just avoid  them.  We have a 1 year old too and trying not to evolve the whole day around him and his funny ways is hard but sometimes he has to go along whether he likes it or not.  (creaming and kicking sometimes!)

Be positive - just keep trying, give us a pm if you want to chat.

Hiya My ds is also four in august and he has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. he is very hard work but with a few simple changes thing have been getting easier. We now do a visual routine chart every morning where we draw what he will do that day, and he ticks off as he does it.

Everything you said there reminded me of my son, about days out and the supermarket. How old is your other LO? i have a daughter who is 2 and my son takes control and i feel like the day revolves around him and what he wants to do sometimes, sorry i cant be of any help but im here if you would like to chat Emma

well my ds is 4 in aug and has had his statement and still in nappies and being assessed for autism and they are 98% sure ect. but trouble is going out is getting more and more of a nightmare. today we went out as a family to a safari park and he was ok for an hour then he just threw a fit,just screamin and crying and bit me. and i was trying to just stay calm as people were looking but in the nd i lost my temper and shouted at him and smacked his bum, which diddnt make the situation any better or worse he just ignored me. but in the end we just went home and dsd diddnt end up going on any rides and i felt for her because he just controls our days out, thats on the rare occasion we do go as were scarred hel kick off any were.even the asda we aoid with him as hes obsessed with cars, just  sits and lines them up and rolls them up and down the table,  so when we do go any supermarket, he remembers exactly which aisle the toy cars are in and just screams, until we give him one and he changes into a difffernt boy. but like i was saying i feel like sticking a big sticker on him saying,, please dont tut im autistic. he cant do any hobbies as he wont listen and join in hel just run around, so we had to leave tumble tots because if we had to move to another activity hed go mental., cant take him to footbal as he wont conform and listen, cant even have normal days out, i feel on edge all the time. how do you all cope with activities outside your home and do you recommend any activities that he could try that would be suitable?. i know he is different and ive accepted that, well i thought i had until im faced with going out!. please help before i become a recluse.