We are in the slow progess of getting ds dx with high funtioning autism/ aspergers in fact cahms phoned this week and says they have all the results now and we have an appt in 3 weeks time to find out. Its going to be a very long 3 weeks!

The only person that seems to accept that ds may be on the spectrum is my mum as she sees him quite alot, everyone else thinks in in our head, but these are also peolpe that dont see him very much including in laws who live in  France!

it also drives me mad that peolpe (esp fil) try to correct his speech. We have speech therapy and have been on a few intensive course during school holidays. We have a program of work to do at home with ds, that is when he will sit down an do it of course! Peolpe really should not interfer with his speech as i find it not only upsets him it also puts us backwards with the work we try to do with him.

It just makes me mad and I hope that one day I will just be able to ignore these peolpe, but its hard when its family.

x

SOmetimes I think part of the problem is a 'generation gap' thing. After all, nowadays we are used to seeing people with varying disabilities out and about in the community and, for most of us, it's no big deal. For our parents generation it is a huge deal-when they were young disabled people were kept hidden out of sight as though they had something catching. I think it can also be a case of grieving a little bit-it's something we go through too, as parents, we just don't always realise it because we are so busy dealing with the day to day reality of having a special needs child and also if we have waited a long time for a diagnosis sometimes it is a relief to know what the difficulty is! I've been really lucky in that both my mum and dad and my in laws have been fantastically supportive with my youngest, who has cerebral palsy, but my father in law still thinks that one day Owen will wake up and be like any other child and so does my other half to be honest!!

Peestick what I don't get is that we as parents have just accepted our children and we've adapted. Why can't our parents do the same? We're their children just as our lo's are our children. If I can love ds1 uncondtionally and love everything about him, why can't my parents do the same for me and value my opinion and accept what I- their child -am telling them. It's supposed to be them offering me support, Dh and I are the ones suffering the most if you see what I mean (not that it's some competition). Instead they've just added to the stress by behaving like children and giving me something else to worry about. I feel like if his own family can't accept him, what chance does he have in the big bad world?

Your MIL sounds awful, I'm picturing Blanche from Corrie for some reason lol. I think shows like Something Special is really good. If children see people who look a little different on a daily basis, it stops them becoming ignorant adults like MIL.

It took ds1 ages to get a final diagnosis so it's good you've spotted it in your lo early, the earlier you spot the signs, the earlier you'll get the proper support.

I know exactly how you feel.  My son has  speech problems and attends speech therapy and my dad is continuely saying 'are you going to learn to talk' and 'stop being lazy and talk properly'.  It is if he thinks he deliberatly doesnt speak properly.  I sometimes feel like slapping my dad and telling him that he doesnt do it on purpose.

make this my last post

while im on a roll about MIL, I cant believe what she said the other day - and im REALLY, REALLY SORRY, because it may offend a lot of people - it REALLY offended me...

She said :

"I was in meadowhall (shopping outlet) the other day, and I was in the Oasis (eating area) eating my dinner and there was all these Autistics, sitting there, you know, dribbling and making funny noises - and I just wanted to eat my dinner. Its not fair. And anyway, how does Meadowhall feel about them all being there? i dont think they ought to be there..."

OMG! im fuming just thinking about what she said! I dont swear, its just not me... but I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO close to it - that and punching her in the face!!! What an ignorant, rude, insensitive, uneducated, biggoted, twisted old woman!!! GRRRRRRR I didnt think that anybody even thought that way any more - well what a slap in the face for me! I tried explaining that perhaps they were enjoying the day out just like anyone else does, that these people are someones children, and that NO-ONE chose to have these difficulties, BUT she just kept going!!! I could stand it no longer and left.

Like i said, im so sorry if Ive offended anyone - i really feel like naming and shaming, but shes that ignorant she'd twist that too, and still wouldnt be any more understanding, or less ignorant... GRRRRRR im so annoyed with her!

sorry for ranting on your thread, i just wanted you to know that you are not on your own (unfortunately - it would be great if more parents could be more understanding and supportive), but everyone on here is great - many have been through lots of stuff and are willing to share their (sometimes very personal) stories, to try and help.

Hope Ive helped XXXX

Incidentally, my mum didnt take the news well about DS5 - she was definately in denial, she kept saying "well he hugs - he cant be autistic"... it took about 2wks to accept. However she is still looking for a miracle 'cure', like taking wheat out of his diet!?! so maybe shes not quite fully come to terms yet (its been just over a month since realisation of his condition). but i think she will get there. And theres no point at all in telling my father - his wife will just sneer at both me and DS5 like we are some kind of lower than low scum. but thats her problem. {{{HUGS}}}

XXX

I know exactly how you feel, and must just on the soapbox with you.

Firstly there was DS1 - hes ADHD. Hes now reached the ripe old age of 15y/o and its still quite obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that hes not quite the same as other 15y/o lads... he likes lego, pokemon, and pretending to be a spaceman with a rocket pack and laser guns (COMPLETE with sound effects). we knew something wasnt quite right at the age of 3 when he had the attention span of a goldfish and was forever fidgeting and pacing (not forgetting the never ending "setting things up" - which drove me insane). MIL refused to believe there was anything wrong with him as he wasnt violent and agressive (what would she have said if he was????) And then got extremely annoyed if he couldnt manage anything more than a 1item verbal list - and even then it was patchy at best. She would get so frustrated by him and shout and lot and growl threats at him (OOOH she made me so mad), it took till he was about 10/11 before she accepted that there might be something in what i said. Unfortunately she now talks to him as though hes a complete imbecile. Hes ADHD not a moron, i feel like shouting at her. FIL is good, and accepts him the way he is, as does my mum - my father doesnt really get involved with my children and we dont discuss it.

And now... it looks likely that DS5 is Autistic (not sure on severity) and hes not quite 2. Again she dismissed the idea and came up with any reason she could to defend his lack of developement in the past year (he doesnt need to talk yet, he doesnt need to show us anything, hes only little {hes failure to thrive}, hes still young, he has older brothers) the list of excuses is endless.

I personally (along with DH) would rather face the problems and get treatment sorted out early. SO in answer to your question: my MIL took approx 8yrs to accept DS1's difficulties and she still doesnt understand (and WONT be educated too!). So god knows how long it will take her for this child.

i haven't had to go thu this my self but know my mom must have with me i have nf..

i think that (not meaning this in the wrong way) they are grieving for the grandchild they thought they would have  they and you didnt expect anything to be 'wrong'

they are proberbly in denial  or angery and looking for someone to blame it might be awhile till they get to the point where they accept it but i hope that it comes sooner rather than later because it is unfair for u and you oh to go thru this alone

How did your family react when they found out your child had special needs? Ds1 has AS and most of our family just can't/won't accept it. It's been a while now and tbh we always kinda knew even before he was diagnosed and we shared those fears with our families so it wasn't a sudden thing.

My dad thinks it's a "made up condition to keep these bástards in a job," and MIL has blamed me entirely. She said it's because I'm a SAHM and really believes I sit on my bum all day...even though she lives 400 miles away and has NEVER visited..we always have to go to her. Ds1 did go to private nursery when I worked, I take him to soft play, the park and he's now been in pre-school nursery since August last year. He goes for 2 hours every day and yet she said it's my fault for not socialising him!!???! My question is, did your family come round in the end? Is it just a time thing? Is it denial? I've offered to send them information, I've tried explaining his condition but they just don't want to be educated. MIL thinks asperger's is where you don't lie and can't stop telling the truth...she won't have it any other way, it's like talking to a brick wall. I feel so let down. When dh and I told our parents, we were wanting to be comforted like little babies, for mummy and daddy to make it better...instead we just get abuse from them whenever it's mentioned. I thought parents were supposed to be there for their children no matter the age. This has turned into a rant but it just feels so lonely not having a family to back us up. How long did it take your family to accept it? Or did they never accept it?