Hi josie, i can sympathise with the way your son is behaving, my lo is 3 1/2 and is exactly the same! It is normal behaviour, just look at how many peole have said their lo's are the same, it's a nasty phase and i still cant see the light at the end of the tunnel but take each day as it comes and just pray that one day he will wake up and be my happy helpful lovely little boy again!

As for your husband, if my partner sad anything like that about y son i would probably put a frying pan round his head tbh, as someone else has said your ds is 3, whats your husbands excuse! Kids aren't easy, but it was his choice to have a child and your right he cant just opt out because it's getting a bit tough!

I hope things get sorted out for you soon! Take care x

That is a very wrong attitude to take from your husband and imo hes the one who needs to grow up, what a thing to say!! If that were me id tell him to sort his self  and accept he has responsilbilites for life!!! Its only going to make the situation worse if your both disagreeing with things and not supporting one another, if hes willing to give things ago as a family and for the sake of your marriage then you need to both sit down and discuss your sons behaviour and work out some kind of pattern for your son, what time of the day is he most naughty ( is there a pattern in his behaviour mornings noon etc)  what were you doing at that time, what makes him feel so angry or any certain food he had ate. Kids have so much energy and get fed up very easily, well my 4 do anyway, i suppose it can be a little frustrating for them at times, so each child will react in different ways if things arent going there way. My 2 yr old has plenty of tantrums when he doesnt get his own way but i just ignore them, if he has been to naughty i.e hurt someone then hes sent to his room to calm down, once hes stopped crying or shouting i will speak to him and explain to him hes not to do those things and to say sorry, then its all forgotten about. If im spending the day in the house i make sure hes plenty of things to do as just one acitivity will bore him after so long. If i take him shopping he helps me picking things up off the shelf and helping to put shopping in a bag. These were the times he would play up for me, 1, when we are at home and im busy doing something on the phone or cooking and hes bored and 2, when im out shopping.
You will get there in the end, the good thing at the moment you have friends to talk too about it and thats what you need someone to let off some steam with and support you, i hope your husband will soon understand this and that he will be the one supporting you and listening and most important helping you. I hope you both stay strong together for your little boy x

You just reminded me of a time when my DP told me that our DS was "off his head" and that there was "something seriously wrong with him" and that I'D!! better sort out SOON. I remember the venom with which it was said, and how upsetting it was as i was at the end of my tether with my son too (and was the one dealing with it 24/7 and I was just crying our for support that clearly wasn't going to come from him.

It seems you are in a house of high tension at the moment and maybe you could all do with a break? Could you and your little one get away for a day/night/weekend?

I'm having all sorts of problems with my son, who is behaving just likes yours and I've been feeling quite resentful and feeling very guilty and disatisfied with my life. Then last week (even though it was the last thing I wanted to do) I drove my son to Whitstable and spent a few hours on the beach picking shells and then had a pub lunch etc. Both me and DS felt so happy and he was so well behaved!! and it reminded me that these stages do pass (crosses fingers) and I know it's not a long term solution (my DS was back to his charming self the next day) but it does wonders for your sanity? XXX

Well a new day and things are continuing as they have been. William up at 5 m nd refusing to settle back. He is normally up at 7 ish. He spent 1.5 hrs screaming t bedtime last night so was late to sleep and had me up at midnight as well because he took a dislike to a picture thats been on his wall forever. So I am knackered. OH has just decided to grace us with his prescence and asked why William wa sbeing made to sit in the corner and why he was screaming now. William has just punched and spat at me because I asked him to wait for something. OH then proceeds to sit and watch him while he screams and keeps going this isn't normal behaviour. Today I cannot be bothered to try and talk and keep my cool. Luckily my best mate has been giving me lots of support and words of encouragement. She reassures me it is a phase. A bloody awful one!!! You guys are all amazing and thankyou so much for your replies. xxx

Aww hun (((hugs)))

My 4 year old went through that stage, didnt help that my long term partner wasnt his dad either.

Instead of the naughty step, star chart approach have you tried having a jar of pennies?  Each time he is naughty or doesnt do as he's told you take a penny away but when he is good you give him a penny to put in the jar himself?

Thankfully my ds is good as gold now, if he's naughty then i take away something he really likes ie his fav book/toy/dvd.  He smacked me once a few months ago & i took his computer away (only an old console) for 2 days & put it up high where he could see it but couldnt get it.  He hasnt done it again since lol & i only have to threaten to take it away now.  may sound cruel but it works cos he's quite easy to control now.

Maybe you just need to find his control point?  The one thing that works for him & makes him realise he'll be alot beter off if he isnt naughty?

Your husband really needs to grow up & start being supportive - sorry if that sounds harsh but maybe if he took on an active roll that might be just the thing to make your little man behave 

waffling...lol.

hope this helps in some way & you get it under control soon

Aww my heart goes out to you.  Maybe you and your other half need to get some time on your own to re-charge your batteries and to sit and talk properly not to mention having "me" time as well.  Is there anyone who can look after your lo for one night so you and your other half can sit and talk things through.  Hope all works out ok for you.

Aww Kirsty I'm sending you lots of love. We have been through several stages like this. I know it is different for us with Ben because he's diagnosed etc etc and not just being a "naughty boy" he's nearly 7 now but we have BOTH said the same. Sometimes it just gets too much and then you say these things because you feel so helpless and that you have failed in some huge way and that if you just walk away and refuse to have anything to do with them then it makes you feel better and lifts the responsibility for a while if that makes sense? That is no help whatsoever for the other partner but sometimes we are only human and when nothing seems to be working we get to the end of out tether, throw our arms up in the air and act like a child and not an adult. This isn't fair on you though hon, you need to sit down without lo and talk this through and be strong together because any divide will be picked up on and just make little mans behaviour worse. I don't mean to be personal but could this be because od something else? Is everything else ok apart from this but is little ones behaviour just an excuse to act like this because something else is wrong? Luckily we have survived the last 4 years, I really don't know how but we have. If you are struggling then speak to your GP or HV and stress how much strain it is putting on the family and you need help. Either referral to make sure his behaviour is normal and not a sign of something else or help with management and support to get through this trying time. You know where I am if you need to vent xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

awww, i'm sorry hun. it really sounds like you're stuck in the middle, and both of them seem to be acting unreasonably but at the end of the day your DS is 3 and your dp how old?????!!!!!!!!

My DS1 is 3.5yrs and really acting up lately. The naughty step, star charts etc it all means nothing to him. he just is completely self obsessed ans self absorbed. if everything doesn't revolve around him and go the way he dictates all hell breaks lose. so i can really sympathise with that type of stuff.

hopefully it is just a phase, that's what i keep telling myself. As for your OH's attitude, it seems totally unreasonable to me. and won't help the situation with your LO. sorry hun xxxx

Don't really have much advice for you hun, but in my opinion your husband is not supporting you in any way at all.

To say that he doesn't want anything to do with his son etc in my eyes is a terrible thing to say, however, was that just said in haste?

Do you have any family that you could confide in and maybe get some time out with your husband to do adult things?

I hope you can sort things out quickly x

Oh my god, you poor thing

You could have been describing my son there 100%. I know how hard it is and how much it can effect the marriage/relationship (especially if the relationship is not as good as it could be?) The relentless stress of a child behaving this way is enough to make anyone think crazy and out of character thoughts, but in my mind your husbands behaviour is inexcusible!! Where is the support??

I sympathise with you; I have a very similar thing going on here. All I can say is your sons naughty behaviour will pass, lets hope your(s) (and mine) partners behaviour shapes up too.

Wish I could be more helpful. Big hugs.xx

How can a single 3  1/2 year old cause so much trouble. He is going through a realy awful stage at the moment with hitting us, punching us, refusing point blank to do as he is sked. Shouting, screaming. Anything that is not decided by him is met with flat refusal. The naughty step ony serves as a place to keep him from being in my sight and never teaches him a lesson. He could not care less about reward cahrts. I smacked his bum and he hit me back. All this I am now dealing with on my own as hubby has stated he regrets ever having him, does not want anything to do with him and is so angry and fed up with how his life has been ruined that he can't even speak to me. It has all gone so very wrong.I don't know what to do anymore. My hubby is very cutting and hurtful and means things he says. I have explained you just can't opt pu when imes are tough and I was met with an I don't care and keep him away from me. I can see no way out of this mess.