smacking (bit of a shock)
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- smacking (bit of a shock)
5/10/08 10:33
5/10/08 09:17
I think I've smacked DS who is 3yrs 4 months maybe once, possibly twice and it was more of a shock angry reaction to something he did that was naughty, looking back I don't think it really did made him realise what he had done was wrong - I try to refrain from doing it and it doesn't automatically occur to me to smack him when he is naughty as we use Time Out in his bedroom instead which works much better with Harry - he just gets up from the naughty step or mat so we put him to his room.
I was however smacked as a child - not every time I was naughty and in fact I can probably count the amount of times I was smacked on the bag of the legs or bum - OK some may say the fact that I remember it means it's scarred me, but it really didn't and at the time, thinking back I bl00dy deserved it as was being a complete cow.
5/10/08 09:07
My dd turned quite violent towards me and l came up with the rule that what she done to me l done back. No other disipline worked and it was only me she was attacking and felt that l had to find a way of nipping it in the bud before she started on others. I didn't do it as hard but it certainly got the message through. Now she doesn't do it as often and a warning would normally stop her now before i retaliant. I do feel that they do not always understanb how much something hurts until they are shown themselves. Part of the rule was that l was not to smack her any other time as l found myself smacking her more and more when it was maybe my loss of control. Although we are all human and l have smacked her when she is really naughty but she reminds me of the rule and then l feel bad. At one point l was smacking her every day at it's worst and l realised this is not teaching her correctly now it's maybe once or twice a month when she attacks me. I'm making her sound like the devil but at one point the thought did cross my mind.....
4/10/08 22:33
Hvaent read al of this but I have smacked ds and will continue to if its necessary, I dont batter him. Usually the threats enough, if not he gets a 'tanned hide' lol.He's soon sorry afterwards or before if i threaten. His dada hates it BUT he gets away with everything with him so im glad i do. Im sorry and i know its a cliche but, it never hurt me. I knew what I could and couldnt do.
4/10/08 21:45
I have never felt the need to smack my children - they are 2, 11 and 12, and are all pretty good kids, and I have never felt that a smack would be necessary or helpful. If people feels it works for them, then thats fine. I have no problem with how people decide to discipline their own children, but one thing that does get to me at toddler groups is when a child smacks, and then gets smacked by their parent , and told smaking is wrong. Seems a bit insane to me to tell them something is wrong, but feel it is ok to do it to them. The only time I have felt like smaking them, has been out of anger, and imo if you hit a child out of anger, you are not doing it to teach them anything, or for discipline - a smake out of anger is more a loss of control.
4/10/08 14:28
I have smacked my dd1 but only when she has repeatedly tried to touch something that would do her far more harm, example's being - trying to grab my hot tea or trying to put her hands under the hot tap.
My mum smacked me and my bother and it did us no harm.
Obviously there is a line between smacking and beating your child but it down to the individual parents as to how they disipline their children.
I think it would make me a hypocrite if I smacked my kids for hitting someone or each other. I would never dream of smacking a baby!!!!
4/10/08 14:22
We dont smack in our family, if you smack your kids it just teaches them its ok to smack you back.... and it show total lack of control.
4/10/08 11:13
I would never smack my kids purely because of a memory that I have of something that happened to me when I was younger. I was about 8ish and was crying because I didn't want to go to school the next day ( can't remeber why ) , I wasn't screaming or even being loud just sobbing in the corner, dad was having a bad day something about work cus he came home in a really bad mood , he heared me crying and came over and smacked me so hard that I couldn't catch my breath and I remember sliding down the radiator like choking back the tears it hurt so much that I couldn't cry for ages. I went into the bathroom to see if there was a mark cus it was stinging and burning, and there was a big purple handprint and it stayed there for ages, then I remeber my mum coming in from the garden and having a go at him for hitting me too hard. He only ever smacked me when I was being naughty other than that time, but he didn't say sorry or anything. So Im not going to give my children unnesesary pain that might give them bad memories, I put my eldest in the hall way for time out 2 mins and tell him what he has done wrong, then when he comes out he always gives me a kiss and says sorry, so I think this has worked far better than if I was to hit him ..
4/10/08 10:44
reading this has made me realise most of the time when i smack i do it out of anger rather then punishment it horrid really isnt it , i did see a thing on supernanny the other day that i thought was good , stop, think ,change it was quite simple but it does make a difference ! i will admit that when i see parents smacking its not nice i dont really know why i do it ??
3/10/08 23:43
i smack my children i dont do it out of spite i do it for disapline, if half the children on my street had some real disapline then my street would be the perfect street but the children here are so mouthy and unrulely its unbelieverable. it never hurt me or my brothers when we were young so why should it stop with our children,
i dont smack them everytime they are naughty or misbehave but when everything else is failing and they wont listen then they get a smacked leg. they then know that i am being serious and behave alot better
at the end of the day we are all different and different things work for different people.
3/10/08 22:09
Smacking (inflicting pain) horrifies me!
3/10/08 19:46
If I am honest I have smacked ds1 (4yrs) in the past. It definately didn't work as he would just slap me back.
Now we use a time out mat, still taking a while to keep him on it for his time but we getting there!
DH has smacked his son (11yrs) but doesn't seem to work with him either.
I am not for or against smacking. I was smacked and it never did me any harm.
If it works for you carry on but be aware kids know it all nowadays and will turn and tell you that ur not allowed to do it!
3/10/08 19:33
I smacked my eldist childs hand (2 1/2) and tbh It felt wrong, she looked at me with the big eyes that said, why did you do that mummy and I havn't since. If I feel like she needs smacking I leave the room, calm down and then explain to her what she did was wrong.
3/10/08 17:48
I have never smacked and cant think I ever would. It just makes me think - if you were at work and didnt do as your boss asked or pished around looking at the net rather than working and they hit you - you would be (rightly) outraged, there would be court proceedings, compensation etc. I know its not teh same but it is similar. I think, yes the world is faaaaaaar too pc these days but where smacking is concerned i think it IS a basic human right not to be physically punished.
3/10/08 17:13
I like old-fashioned parenting tbh. As someone touched on it earlier, 'back in the day' kids were disciplined, they got a 'clip round the ear' but they did what they were told. Kids these days need some discipline & parents, i think, need to take some tips from what earlier generations did as it obviously worked.
Everything is far too relaxed these days, kids get what they want etc etc
Pushing the subject even further, i would be one of those that would totally for bringing canes back in schools.
And reading that, i sound like my mom lol!!!xx
3/10/08 17:01
i havent and dont think i will smack, i dont even like it when i hear people use it at athreat... dont do that or ill smack you....etc... loads of people i know say that, and i think thats bad enough.
i got smacked when i was younger and its horrid... i remember cowering in a corner screaming 'please dont hit me' to my mum and dad... i just dont think its worth doing, pretty old fashioned way of parenting.
3/10/08 16:13
I was in france recently and was watching some horse trial thing... this little boy was obviously bored and was getting a bit jittery and his dad smacked him right accross the ear, hard.... that made the little boy scream with pain. I was infuriated and went over in english and started on at him, he was french so he didnt understand and didnt want to understand, it was horrible to see. To be honest my dd is now 2 and a half and has had 2 really bad temper tantrums, and once did I (wouldnt call smack) tap her bottom and she took no notice. I dont condone it but it has to be used without the adult being in a fit of rage as can lead to all other types of stuff. hope this helps
3/10/08 14:16
Yes i smack dd on the bum as a last resort. And in my opinion, it works for my dd and she doesnt go round smacking every other kid or anyone for that matter. She knows that as her parent, i will smack her for being really naughty but she also knows if another child is naughty to her she will tell me or someone else or tells them 'dont do that please, its naughty'.
I do think there is a fine line between discipling your child and beating them and thats why i think people look down on it. I have been out & about and seen parents absolutely walloping their kids and ive thought it was horrible.
Without sounding like 'it didnt do me any harm' me and my sisters were all smacked on occasions and we were always talked about for being well behaved children.
Its up to the parent isnt it. If you choose not to smack, then thats right for you but dont look down on me if i choose that way to discipline my child.xx
3/10/08 13:33
im afraid i tend to live by the supernanny methods and have found her way of dealing with childrens behaviour to have the more positve effect-but i do shout and its easy to talk about it-but once placed in a changling siutation you can find yourself pushed to limits you didnt know you had!
3/10/08 13:25
i have on occassion smacked the kids,as a last resort and too be honest its normally been to prevent danger, ie touching the oven, i dont personally like it when i have smacked and always try alternatives before hand but sometimes i do think necessary and whether you think its right or wrong i think we have a generation of teens at the minute (not all of them ofcourse) who have no fear of adults or any respect for them and go around in gangs causing god knows what nuisance and some have even resorted to knife crime etc etc etc, at the mometn children are killing children, now i dont know if there is a link between having no corporal punishment, parents not disciplining children, teachers no longer having rights to discipline children that there are this generation who seem to think they can do what they want when and to whom they want, i grew up to respect my elders and my parents and the police and teachers and yes i had the occassional smack to keep me inline, but looking back was that so bad, i have never broke the law i dont rob or vandal i have never claimed benefit and i have done everything in my life to ensure that my parents are proud of me, maybe if we started giving rights back to the adults and ensuring children are properly disciplined ( ia m not saying being smacked) and putting discipline back into schools and police etc that children may grow up to be a bit fearful again and maybe respect adults and maybe we can rid this country of this nasty society that we are living in
'We dont smack in our family, if you smack your kids it just teaches them its ok to smack you back.... and it show total lack of control.'
I don't agree with this Jonniesmummy. I was smacked as a child (only a few times but the threat was enough to stop any naughtiness) and the thought NEVER occured to me to smack back. I knew it was my punishment and accepted it. The odd smack in my opinion does not do harm.