Thanks,   I feel better already and Eldodie cam home and placked herslef right on my lap for a big cuddle before bed (bless her).  daddy did Phoebe's bath and I read Elodie's bedtime stories tonight which helps the balance a little.

DH is great in general and I knwo it'sonly a matter of months now until Phoebe can have expressed milk in a cup - she is learning day by day on this one.

We do have fmaily days out, it's jsut fitting in teh borning house hold jobs that si hard as seem silly to take both kids so it always seesm to be me doing them as Phoebe is more portbale at the moment, although I guess DH could do the jobs and I could take both girls somewhere nice.

Online shopping is what i normally use, but my house is on a path that is accessbale by foot only and the nearest access parking has been blocked as my neighbour has been building a house in his garden so we where told they coudl not deliver until the skips and fork lifts trcuks have gone as it's not accesable in the delivery vans as too far to walk  - I will shop online once they can get to my house again - which should be quite soon (and may mean I don't have to haul the kids, buggy and shopping quite as far myslef)

Wow!!!! Aaaaaaand breathe!

You sound to me like your on the brink of exhaustion and as others have said, you seem to be trying to do absolutely everything. You're still a new Mem to Elodie, never mind Phoebe!

I think you need to relax a bit and try not to get so upset. It would be a lot harder if you were having to deal with her being horrible to her sister etc. Have you tried sitting down with hubby and explaining how trapped you're feeling by not being able to leave the baby? Also, is it unrealistic to go on the picnic to the waterfall with both of them - feeding Phoebe while you're there? Your hubby sounds like he's got his heart in the right placem and you sound like a fab  (but absolutely knackared!) Mwmmy! I hopre you start to feel better xx

Sounds like you're trying too hard to be the perfect mummy.  That's not a criticism by any means!  I just mean that you sound very much like me, always trying to have everything just right for your family and needing to feel in control, but sometimes some things need to give - and hopefully not your sanity!

Let your dh pack dd's bag if they're going out.  If he forgets her wellies, then he'll have to deal with it and he won't forget again! 

Leave your dh with both of your dds every so often for as long as is possible between feeds and let him find out what it's like to look after two at once (even if only for short periods).  My dh has recently found out how hard it can be as I've gone back to work 2 days a week (ds is nearly three and dd is nearly 8 months) and it's done him the world of good in helping him to realise just what I do all day long!  DD also had problems with formula but fortunately takes a bottle of expressed milk.

As for shopping, have you tried internet shopping?  Ok so you don't always get exactly what you want, but mostly it's fine and I can do it in the evening when the children are in bed.  Also your dh could sit and do it.  How about getting him to plan and shop for a week's meals to help lighten your load.  I'm always the one who does that in our house, but I get so fed up doing it all, that I gave dh the challenge of planning, buying and cooking for a week a few months back.  If he was working, he had to plan a meal that was prepared in advance or a shove in the oven job, so I had a week off having to think about it, which was great.

As for feeling jealous of your dh and dd's time together, it is hard.  Try to appreciate the strong bond they have, but also swap the roles around every so often, even if only for  a short time so that you get that quality time with your dd too. 

Lower your expectations of yourself, look after yourself, not just the others in your family and I hope you start to feel better soon. x

hi, i know what its like to have a baby you have to take with you everywhere.when dd was born ds was 21/2 and i breast fed dd and she would not take a bottle at her. if we ever went out anywhere like an eveing meal we had to take dd and ds would stay with whoever was babysitting. i use to have to have dd with me as she would cry if i put her down so ds use to miss out a bit on having all of my attention. but unfourtunetly that whats its like when you have more than one child. could you not go out as a family for a picnic and dh look after the baby whilst you and dd go for a short walk together or go to the park and get dh to look after lo whilst you take dd on the toys.

Hi Donna

Just want to send you a big hug. I'm sure being tired and having a relatively new baby is making things seem a bigger problem than it is, although I'm sure you have every right to feel as you do. It might be that as you say you are bf Phoebe and obviously need to do that, it isn't something anyone else can do for her so Elodie is now closer to Daddy at the moment just because he is the one free to give her the attention you HAVE to give to the baby iyswim. I bet in time when you are breast feeding or bubs is a little older and slightly less needy on me that things will start to change again. Children are very clever little things and Elodie will have worked out that if you have baby then she is going to get by the very nature of things more attention from Daddy who isn't dealing with a baby. I know you feel jealous but don't because it won't be like this forever and it certainly doesn't mean she loves you any less. Infact she might be jealous of Phoebe to a degree and be glad when Daddy can feed her etc and she can cuddle Mummy. (I know she can still cuddle you now!!!!) I do think though that your DH does need to know that when you have them both together you cannot respond immediately to Elodie if you are busy and she needs to nderstand that she may have to wait because you are prioritising your time and obviously babys needs must come first at this age, if she needs feeding then she does and that takes as long as it takes. I would ask for a little more support on that issue and maybe if Elodie asks him something don't jump immediately but say " ok I just have to do xyz and then I will be with you" even if it's only a minute or so just so she understands she can't have everything immediately. That might make things a little easier when you have them both together on your own. Also for days out etc ask if he could get the bags ready, do the snacks etc as you are busy and very tired! Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I need to let off steam and get others perspective on this. 

My dd is 2 years 9 months old, I love her so much and wnat to be so close to her, I spend as much time as pssoble reading to her, playing with her but also a lot of time having to prevent her getting cross and encouraging her to do the daly things that we all need to do (wash face, brish teeth etc).  I also have a 6 month old baby who take up a lot of my time too, I breastfeed her so she is pretty much always with me other than when she is napping etc, but if she is in puchcahir asleep I generally make the time and effort to talk with and too my two year old.

The trouble is dh and my older daughter have grown so close since my youngest was born and I;m strating to find this really hard.  I long to have a day out alone with my older daughter but as Phoebe wont take a bottle and doen't seem to respond well to formula I can;t leave her with dh for more than a few hours.   I always end up doing the borning stuff with Pheobe while my husband and Elodie get to do fun stuff , like he takes her to see waterfalls and for a picnic and I get to take Phoebe to teh supermarket.  It does make ence as Pheoeb being only 6 months is just as happy in Asda as she in at the waterfalls   where as my 2 years old much prefers the picnic - but it is getting to me now as there relatuionship seems so strong and to be honest I am jealous and also finding it hard as it;s making my life harder when Daddy is not around as he is able to resond immediatly to her and give her 100% undivided attention, which si so hard fr me to do when I have the 2 of them to look after.  The trouble is then expects the same level of attantion and response when dh is not around and gets frustartaed when I can't do it.

Dh and I just had a big row as I was drinking a glass of water and dd was telling us something, I admit I did not respond staright away as I was drinking a glass of water and decided to finnish it first - but he got cross at me and said I was ignoring her - wheich was not true - I just belive that she needs to wait for a response sometimes, and that I havethe right to drink a glass of water before I respond.  I tried to turn it back on him and asked why he didn't respond and he said he was busy packing a toy in the bag for pheobe.  I told him that was how it was each day and that I have to multi task all thetime which I why I can't always respond straight away. 

I feel so exhausted as It feels like I do everything for the family. All the planning and preperation of what is needed and even when dh taes dd out for teh day it's me that packs the bag with spare clothes, snacks etc and makes sure she has wellies that fit and clean clothes, wateproofs etc.

I am the one who reads books, tals to others and tries to find soilutions fo rthe sleepless nights issues, baheavior managment etc .  I make the star charts and but all tthe little things that babies need.  I feel I do so much and work so hard for my littel ones and him accusing me of not repsonding to dd quick enough is so hard to deal with.

In many ways I am pleased that my dd is coas e to her Daddy and can see that it helpos her adjust to being a big sister - having time alsone with an adut who loves her, but onteh other hand I just wish dh would do thing the way I aks so that i'm not the one trying to bride the gap between teh level of peranting he can give and what I can give when I have the demands of the two of them combined.

Not sure there is an answer, maybe I shoudl just forget how I feel and consider my daughters happiness - but's it hard for me to be the best mum for her when I feel so cross at her Daddy.  He really does not know what it is like to look after both at once.

Anyone feel the same or can anyone advice me.

It;s probabbly tiredness putting it all out of proportion.

Donna