How long will your girls be in hospital for? Thats getting me down aswell, when im not there i feeel guily and when i am there i hate going home and leaving her there, your girls sound like there doing really well with feeding. My little girls 35 weeks on friday, i justarnt wait to get her home! x

I had the "good weight, therefore will be home soon" conversations with people too. I don't think people realise that just because a baby is a good weight it means they're ready to come into the world.

My girls are just now beginning to breastfeed properly (managed two feeds each with them again today, two days in a row!). They'll be 35 weeks tomorrow, and are 5 weeks old today (that does my head in too, lol)

Hope your LO is ok

Hi i think im losing it too!!! My lilltle girl was due on 13th june, and made a surprise arrival one week today, at 33 weeks 3 days. At the moment im not even dressed my 2 and half year old is running riot, theres washing everywhere and i need to get to the hospital ! Im sick of people telling me to enjoy the break while lillys in hospital  i would rather be up all bloody night!! Im sick of people saying because she was a good weight (51b 20z ) that she will be haome soon, so im constantly explaining she doesnt have her reflexes yet for sucking a bottle, oh i could rant on all day!!! xx

Hello again

Just wanted to say thank you all for your heatfelt messages - I hope others who feel like me (as I can tell I can't be the only one from your messages!) have also taken note!! I am much better now, and do not feel so guilty for leaving them, though I think about them both all the time and wish I could tear myself in two sometimes! But I know I need to get things ready for them, both emotionally and physcially at home!!

Amazingly we've been told our girls could be coming home in two weeks, when they are gestationally 37weeks. They've come on amazingly over the last week and are now breastfeeding twice a day.

Thanks again, you've all been a great help.

Em

hi hun

i work on a nnu and just want to say no one will think babdley of you if you dont stay all day or if you need a break and say to the nurses i wont be in tomorrow its all a bit much at the moment but i'll call to c how they are...

we understand that moms and dads find it hard and know that you want to be wiv your little ones as much as possible but you need to look after you to and if that means visiting for a couple of hopurs in the morning and a hour a night then no one would hold tht against you x

if you are going to breast feed then latter on you will have to spend all day there when they are established but now have some time out and get yourself ready for them comin home x

remember the staff are not there to judge you but to care for you and your family and shud be supportive of you and definatly wont judge you xx

Hey chuck,

I know exactly what you are going through..  My little girl was born at 31 plus 3 and due to a lack of cots in our local hospital, we were transferred 40 miles away.  I had a c-section too so ended up rooming in in SCBU for 6 weeks as I couldn't drive and we were so far from home.  At the time, I came close to cracking up and the only thing that kept me going were the very occasional nights that I stayed at home.  I felt like an awful parent for leaving her and have to admit that I cried most of the first night but that time away gave me the energy that I needed to go back and give her my all.  From the day she was born, I promised myself that I wouldn't leave her in hospital, but luckily my husband saw sense and dragged me home one evening after a particularly bad day. Looking back, I can't have been doing Millie much good sat there crying.  

Don't put too much pressure on yourself.  In hindsight, I did exactly that and probably didn't leave myself enough energy to deal with bringing a prem baby home. If I'd known then what I know know, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. Make the most of the time, give yourself a break and recharge.  I came to realise that I wasn't being judged and that the nurses don't expect wonder mums!  All my fears about not bonding etc were unfounded.  The important time is when you get home... My little girl is 4 and a half months now and all the pressures and pains of being in SCBU seem a million miles away.

Things do get better and easier, I promise...

Chin up hun x

Its so hard isnt it.My twins were born at 26 weeks.My dd was in scbu for a massive 20 weeks.I was there from 10am till midnight every single day.It really does you in.

Thanks ladies, you all talk a lot of sense!

As you can see from the time of this post, I have taken a break today as my doc gave me the go-ahead to drive from today, thank goodness! It's hard sitting here making myself relax!! Am going to head back soon though, but I did leave at midday so I've managed 4 hours which I never thought I would be able to do!!

Anyway, thanks again

Emily

Hi, my premmie twins were born at 29 weeks and were in hosp for 9 weeks.  I also had a son who turned 3 the week they were born.  Because of him I often could only spend 1-2 hours a day with my girls at the hosp.  My girls are going to 1 in a fortnight and they do not seem to be any the worse for me not spending lots of time with them at the hosp.

Dont feel bad.

.hey ur doing brilliant n im not just saying that,as most mums on here know scbu is a hard place 2 be!

sam was 5 weeks prem n me n dp was there from 10am til 10pm at nite then id get home shower get in 2 bed n ring scbu 2 c how he was ect, take a few hours rest aday and have a nice hot bath those little girls no mummy n daddy b there soon, its very hard hun n u r doing ur best xx

Hi hun- its ok to take a break. I was the same with William (31 weeker) . I look back at the time and realise that I should have takenmore care of myself during those weeks. I too hd a caeseran and decided on the 2 nd week I could walk to the hospital and back which is a mile away. It is so imporant to take care of yourself now becuse those little aabies wil take every moment of your time when they come home. Get yourself strong. The nurse will not think any less of you. xx

Hi Hun, i know exactly how you are feeling, my dd was born at 28 weeks and was in NICU for 9 weeks. To begin with i spent every minute i could staring at her through the glass windows because i couldnt bear to spend a minute away from her.

I would arrive at 10am, stay until 4:30pm, meet up with dh and then go back to do her cares from 7pm - 10pm. i would then even wake during the night to express and call the hospital to check she was ok.

I also has a c-section so couldnt drive but after a few weeks found even taking an hour to have something to eat and some fresh air did me the world of good. I realised Gabrielle was in the safest place and being looked  after by wonderful nurses while i wasn't there. I'm sure you will feel so much happier for having some time to yourself and you'll feel much stronger for your babies, its amazing how strong they are and i'm sure they will be home before you know it. xx

Thank you both for your replies. It's tough isn't it. I think the two of them will be in SCBU till the end of May so we've still got a really long way to go. I like the idea of going in for morning cares and evening cares, that would be 10am and 6pm. I might try that from next week

Thanks again.

aww  i can remember feeling just like you love   i felt like i just had to be there all the time with my little girl so that she knew i loved her, emily was in scbu for 10 weeks b4 i got to bring her home an i just couldnt cope with the amount of time i was there, so i started to be there for  10am-2pm then id go back at 6-30pm-9pm the times that i wasnt there i rang her room up to check she was ok, the nurses were lovely, always had time to talk an reassure me emily was fine, you need time for "you" love otherwise your going to be no good when your babys come home best of luck to you all xxx

your not a bad mother for needing a break hun, scbu drove me mad all the beeping and just the environment in general and the added fact that if you were home with them you wouldn't just be sat in a chair watching them all through the day.

Once you can drive that mid day break will do you the world of good, I felt exactly the same, like if I left ds i would feel like a bad mother and I felt like I should be there all day even if it was a case of just watching him sleeping but it just makes you feel so much worse, we ended up going in for his morning cares then having a break and then going back for his evening cares and if I was feeling a bit anxious I'd give them a call after his afternoon cares to see how he got on.

Don't think of it as needing to be there think of it as taking a break to get yourself in thr right frame of mind to go back with a more relaxed head on your beautiful babies aren't going to want there mummy all stressed out and exhausted!!

feel free to pm me if you even need a chat or vent your girls are beautiful by the way

Carley x

Hi ladies

I don't post here much. I'm a mum to three week old twin girls, who would be 33+3 today if they'd stayed put.

I think I'm beginning to lose the plot as I spend too much time at the SCBU, but I would feel so wretched and a bad mum if I didn't... currently I get there at around 10.30am ( I get picked up by the hospital) and then leave when my dh comes to pick me up after work and after he's seen the girls, getting home usually between 8 and 9pm.

I should be allowed to drive from Monday ( I had c-seciton) but don't know how to convince myself it's ok to see them for a few hours in the morning and again in the evening.... any advice? I know I need to cut down on the time there as I am snapping at dh, I feel stressed out by the beeps and alarms on SCBU and I feel like crying... tried to breastfeed today, having been successful yesterday and the day before, and it just went pear shaped, so I feel useless even more...

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance...

Emily