~~~~~~The desperate Diary~~~~~~
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- ~~~~~~The desperate Diary~~~~~~
23/11/08 14:12
23/11/08 09:24
Hi guuurl, i didnt think i'd be back here again, never mind so soon. hope you're ok. thank you. i think Liam has eased the pain a little for evry1. he is beautiful. i have some pics of him in my photo album. I cant stop showing him off....lol
20/11/08 21:06
Hiya Siren, nice to see you back x
Congratulations on your new nephew, I'm sorry to read about your sisters prem baby, poor her and poor you too, I can only imagine how awful an experience that must have been for you both
Glad your hubby has found work again and you're back ttc, sending you lots of love and luck xXx
20/11/08 11:55
cd 36
Still no sign of the witch
trying really hard to not let it bother me but its hard.It def looks like i only ovulate every other month and my cycle is 63 days long. OMG. Had coil taken out 13th aug and had af for 1 day on 15th then nothing in sept, af arrived 16th oct and hasnt shown up this month (so far) and i dont have any of the usual symptoms that indicate that its going to appear.
If it looks like ive worked it out wrong please let me know.
Im sure the bleed i had in aug was af now as af in oct matched.
Now i dont know what to do though. Do i go to the dr or do i wait and see what happens? I know that cycles that long aren't normal but we've just started ttc again and even if i go from the date my coil was taken out, its only been 3 months. Drs dont do anything til you've been ttc for a year, do they?
Anyway, have been looking at baby stuff again. I love the internet!!!! I now have wish lists on Mothercare and BabysRUs. And ive been looking at prams again. I cant help myself. I want the silvercross sport. Its lush!!!!
18/11/08 13:50
Thanks hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
18/11/08 12:20
welcome back xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
18/11/08 10:27
Cd 34
Witch where are you??????????
No sign of the witch so far. She should have arrived on 15th but ive been so stressed with everything thats gone on, that im not worried she hasnt shown up.
Have decided to relax and not get obsessed with ovulation tests and cervical mucus and everything else. I still have 24 ov tests and pg tests but i havent used them.
I dont think i ovulated last month, had milky white discharge (sorry) all month and have had none for couple of days now. I usually get the egg white stuff for a week and then back to milky white but hasnt happened. And i said Im not going to obsess. lmao. well im not really obsessing........just keeping an eye on things.
OMG, my nephew is so beautiful, i cant stop looking at him or kissing him or cuddling him. He's perfect. Im so proud of my baby sister, she did so well. She had a little boy last year. He was 2 months prem and past away when he was 5 days old. It was the worst moment of my life. She had a water infection that started things off. I slept on the floor beside her bed for the whole week before he was born and was with her when she had to have an emergancy c-section. The sound of his cry as he was born is something i'll never forget. He was in special care the whole time. He was so tiny. We were all scared to hold him. He was gorgeous. He went down hill so suddenly that we didnt know what was happening and then he was gone. I didnt think i'd ever stop crying. It was a weird feeling to have been there when he was born and then to be there when he died. I wont and would never compare how i felt or feel to how my sister felt and feels. It just wouldnt be the same. He was her son.
We were terrified when she started labour early again this time and when the nurse told us she had an infection, it was like everything was happening again. But she stayed calm and asked for a section, as she was gettin alot of pain in her scar. When Liam was born we were both crying and when they brought him straight to her and he stayed.....I cant describe how i felt. I was so relieved for her and happy. I just about managed to keep myself together but when i went outside to phone evryone i could hardly speak i was crying so much. Everyone thought something was wrong but i managaed to tell them that he was here and with his mum and that everything was ok......I still get tearful now just thinking about it...........She is an excellent mum. I'm so proud of her.
14/11/08 14:45
IM BACK!!!!!!!!
Alot has been happened in the last few weeks.
Hubby was made redundant and we had to stop ttc, but we're ok now because he's gone self employed with a couple of blokes he use to work with. Its been a struggle but we're ok now and ready to start ttc again. thank god i'm so broody its stupid.
My sister had her baby on sunday. he's 3 weeks early and so gorgeous. I was her birth partner and it was a huge relief when he arrived safe and sound. He's doing really well and they are both at my mums for a couple of weeks.
Ive been really emotional since he was born and (i hate to admit it) jealous.
Hopefully it wont be too long before im telling people that ive got 1 on the way
25/10/08 16:48
This will be my last entry in the desperate diary as we're not ttc anymore. hubby was made redundant and has said that he doesnt want to have anymore at the moment. I have to try and find a job so it makes sense to stop ttc. I hope that things change soon and that we can start ttc again but with the way things are it doesnt look good.
I wish you all lots of luck in ttc and hope you all get your bfp soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
23/10/08 16:34
its offical hubby's been made redundant. dont know what to do. dont know if we can get help paying the mortgage til he finds a new job or where to go to find out. have alternated between crying my eyes out and just feeling numb. been looking for jobs for both of us but im not trained to do anything and apparently not young enough or good looking enough to work in the shops in town. a***s. and there are no electrician jobs for hubby. he keeps saying that he'll do something else but what he doesnt realise is we were just making ends meet with the money he was on and that other jobs only pay half of what he was getting for the same hours. we'd both have to work full time to bring home the money his job paid and we dont have anyone to have the kids while we do. ds wouldnt be a problem as theres an after school club at his school but dd goes to a special school and they dont have anything like that. i just dont know what to do.............22/10/08 21:48
siren im in the same boat. dh's boss said when he gave dh his cheque on sunday that might not be able to pay his next one due in two weeks. i was furious. dh is an employee too so unless made redundent shouldnt be any worries about being paid iykwim? i made him talk to his boss on monday and get clarification and his boss said can do next cheque and prob the one after that but not sure about any further. i want to know as soon as so i can sort out claiming benefits in the mean time until we get back on our feet. thankfully as we rent (i hate mortgages, too scary) we can claim full housing and council tax benefit if he loses his job and we're considering him moving out until he's sorted with another job so i can get a job and claim as a lone parent so can still afford similar lifestyle (which isnt extragent (sp?) as it is) otherwise we would be completely screwed. i wont let the kids suffer because of his stupid boss. i was a lone parent with my eldest so fortunately know how it all works otherwise id really be stressing. im also thinking of giving up ttc if no bfp this month as couldnt cope with it all if pg as i wouldnt be able to get a job.
im cd37 (i think) and 10dpo? thats from 3rd ov anyway. still bfn but no sign of af either. sorry you and your dd been poorly big (((((((((((hug))))))))))).
22/10/08 12:42
Not a good day today..hubby rang me earlier to say that he's been told to go to the office to talk to the boss after work. we think he's going to lose his job
there have been a few rumours about the company not having a lot of work but there are always rumours so we didnt think much about it. now it doesnt look good. dont know what we'll do if he does lose his job. we definately wont be ttc anymore but im not really worried about that. its everything else like the mortgage and food and the rest of the bills that im worried about. he was made redundant a few years ago round about the same time of year but he found a job near enough straight away. i dont think it'll be as easy this time with the way things are at the moment.
i hate that we have to wait til tonight to find out whats going on. its killing me. i could cry right now. why do things like this always happen at this time of year??? i havent even started christmas shopping for the kids yet and they're birthdays are the month before and the week after christmas.
havent bothered testing today because all of this is going on. theres really no point because if the worst does happen then we wont be ttc anymore. tbh im kind of glad i didnt catch last month. couldnt imagine having to go through this while pg..
21/10/08 11:43
just done first ov test from ebay tests and no lh spike. didnt think there would be but im covering my bases by testing early.
the tests came on wed last week. hubby was home and i hadnt told him i'd ordered them. he was dying to know what the package was, but he was in the bad books cuse he didnt go to work, so told him to mind his own business......
........ i still havent told him what it was and its killing him....
i forgot to enter how many ov tests i wanted and have ended up with 25 ov tests and 25 pg tests.....25 pg tests!!!!!! its gonna be torture not to use them, seeing as im addicted to testing...lol21/10/08 09:17
Cd6 today and i feel like crap. Af has all but finished but ive caught the stomache bug dd got sent home with. was sick yesterday and feel sick today
dd still looks pale but she hasnt been sick since yesterday and has been eating toast. she's lying on the floor with her pillow and wrapped up in a cover, pretending she's really ill. keeps saying "mummy me sick" and pretend coughing and then smiling. the little moo hubby is still annoying me but have decided to ignore it and be nice to him anyway. im not going to get pg if we're snapping at each other all the time ( we dont dtd when we're not talking ). so im taking the high road and making sure he knows it....lol
thought i would have gotten some sympathy when he came home from work yesterday but no. went to bed to get some rest after the kids were asleep and he followed. apparently being ill means im vunerable and that gets him in the mood. dtd even though i felt terrible as i should be ovulating sometime this weekend and want it to work this month. no matter what we'll be dtd and if he catches whatever ive got tough, he'll still be going to work.......20/10/08 12:30
Cd5 and think im coming to the end of af. moods are starting to level out (the whole family is breathing a sigh of relief
) and not as heavy today. will start testing this week as ov calculator said should be fertile round 25th, though not taking that as gospel, it still gives me a round about time to start testing. because i dont know how long my cycle is i worked out ov for a few cycle lengths and im gonna be dtd for the next couple of weeks. hubby should be happy......and hopefully will get my bfp before christmas and the 6month break we said we'd take.My poor dd got sent home from school earlier because she was sick. she's lying on the sofa and looks all pale and sorry for herself. The poor little thing.
going to go cuddle with dd on the sofa for a while xxxxxxx
19/10/08 10:47
cd4.
went shopping with hubby in town yesterday morning. made him get up at 7.30 and dragged him to town at 9 am
he was not happy and whinged the whole time, but my lil sis came along and we kept walking off when he started to moan and left him with the kids.......
... pay back is a b*** went to my mums boyfriends 50th last might, which was why we had to go shopping. dd had a great time, she was on the dance floor all night. have loads of video of her dancing away. she looked so gorgeous. i just wanted to squeeze her cute little face...........
17/10/08 09:29
Hi guuurl, not gatecrashing hun all are more than welcome.
Pains were def af related. WooHoo!!!!!
cd2 Why havent you talked to your hubby hun? Is he behaving like ours? Think they all need a good kick up the behind....Ive decided to make mine suffer. was supposed to go into town today to get a couple of b/day presents but going to go tomorrow instead. he hates going to town on a sat but he'll be going tomorrow with me and the kids and he's going to treat me to some new clothes. He dont know it yet. think i'll suprise him when he comes home
Hahahaha...........17/10/08 08:36
Thanks sizzy,
hubby thinks ive gone mad. was on ivillage using their ovulation calculator working out when to dtd. entered loads of different cycle lengths cuse dont know how long mine is and we're going to be very busy from the 25th of this month til about nov 11th. HAHAHA!!!! told him this and he said "im not performing on demand. this is supposed to be fun. if your going to get obsessed then we'll stop." told him that he'd better get over himself and that i just want to give us the best chance of getting pg before xmas because we're getting closer to when we said we'd have a break. also told him to stop threatening me everytime i want to talk about it as he isnt being fair. this is a big deal as it'll be our last kid together. he said sorry but he doesnt understand. I was obsessed before he agreed to ttc but think im gonna have to try harder to hide the crazy. why do they have to be so selfish? he had a go at me because i didnt wake him up to come to parenting class with me. told him that i'd tried but he just turned over and ignored me, then reminded him that im not his bloody mother and that he could have gotten up and helped me with the kids, when dd got into bed with him and woke him up..........oops got to take kids to school
17/10/08 08:35
Hello you two, just popped in to have a read and say hi, hope you don't mind me gatecrashing?
I noticed a few posts down you said that you had pains down your thighs - I get these when my period's coming and they feel horrible! Do you think that's what yours could have been?
Sorry your men aren't behaving, I've not spoken to mine in a few days, life seems a whole lot easier this way! No fights!
16/10/08 19:52
woo hoo siren!!!!!! af is here for you!!!! take agnus castus right now, then hopefully this next cycle will be a bit more normal for you. my af hasnt arrived but ive no tests to test with arrrrrrr!!!!! going shop to get some tomorrow. ive been having clear/white cm so no sign of af. got loads of spots, bad af pains but very deep and sometimes on one side and sometimes all over. im very tired, had to have an afternoon nap the last few days, my moods are a bit mental and ive been gagging so could go either way really, fingers crossed please!!
glad your feeling better. i had a mardy at my dh today because he's behaving a bit the same. he's working nights so fair enough is in bed until midday but after that he does nothing but play with his fish! drives me mad. we had a big chat about things because i feel like what the hell's the point in having him around?! i dont need him for money, i look after the house and kids so wouldnt miss him there. all he seems to do is get on my nerves. if he wasn't about to give me another baby id think im totally useless and chuck him out!! lol well maybe things arent that bad but he thinks they are was very concerned i didnt want him anymore so maybe he'll behave a bit better.
Cd- who cares.
have been on the verge of crying my eyes out all day.
would have thought that since i'm so ill that the thing im married to would help by puttin at least 1 load of washing on but no, he decided to rip the front room floor up and instead of going food shopping, he's gone to a tool shop to look for a new lock for his toolbox.
I am so angry right now if he was here i would be throwing things at him.
As it is, I ve had to do the washing, load the dishwasher(that he wanted and insisted he would use. HA!) and clean the front room so that everything has got somewhere to go and im doing the shopping tomorrow because i dont need to rest and recover.
But if i say anything about this im unreasonable and ungreatful for the fact that he's looked after his own kids.