mini's diary
- Forums
- Trying to conceive
- mini's diary
21/8/08 18:20
21/8/08 09:33
Hey chick, I'm good thanks, just plodding along. Had some good news, I ov'd last month yay. I am back but I'm not, I check to see if you girls have your bfp or to see how you are. There are so many newbies on here and I don't know who they are. Some of them were born in 1988 and in that year I was in my bedroom dancing to kylie & jason. The newbies make me feel so old lmao.
Anyway enough of me. Sending loads of love, hugs & babydust your way xxxxx
21/8/08 00:02
thanks ladies xxxxxxxxx
just keeping trucking along , nothing else for it really - some days are good, some days are bad. On bad days i just surround myself with the people and activities that will keep me on the up - i swear i will be enlisting for yoga at this rate...........
My personality always veers towards the pessimistic - just the way i am made i guess. Am keeping going with the healthy eating and living (despite my fall off the wagon on hols...lol xx) and i just need to remind myself that somewhere in this ttc madness there is a life that needs to be lived and i have tread water and been unhappy for so long that its hard to get myself into a different mindset and be more positive. Its so hard to explain as i have not had the highs and lows of iui, icsi or ivf but mentally it my head i feel i have if that makes sense................. dont know where i am right now other than rambling in my diary but it helps me get it off my chest.
to allK x
19/8/08 20:36
Hi hunni,
I just thought i'd pop in to see how you are and after reading through your diary, you really have been through some hard times, but i'm very glad to see that you're being very positive, you always show such strength and i always think that when i'm going through the hardest times of my life, i just to convince myself that it all just has to get better, i really hope that it all does get better for you and here's a big
((((((((((((((((((((happy hug))))))))))))))))))))
19/8/08 18:47
Ooooooh, I hope lady luck stays a wee bit longer. Maybe things are going to change in all departments and not just the job front. You deserve good news and I have my fingers crossed that lots more good news follows.
Love Katxxx
16/8/08 07:57
Aw...
Congrats on DH's new job Woop Woop!! I bet that's a relief for you 
Dropping off a load of celebratory 
for you hun...and sending some ***stay away tummy bug*** vibes too xx16/8/08 00:11
thanks girls xx
well it would seem lady luck is on our side as dh got paid off officially today but thankfully has a new job to start on monday
so we are spared from the workhouse for now lol..........xxNot doing much this wkend just going to relax and take it easy. I've been feeling a bit ropey today - stomach bug and feeling sick just when i am due to ov - typical lol xx
and to allK xx
15/8/08 22:07
((((HUGS))))) I'm too tired to think of words of wisdom but I'm sorry you've been delt another blow. I hope your dh sorts out another job soon.
Don't put too much energy in deciding what to do next about ttc. I think when your appt comes through you'll just know whether its the right thing for you both or not. Over analysing your thoughts and feelings is just going to stress you out, as does putting on the brave face all the time. You'd be so upset if you found out one of your friends was hurting in secret like you are. Let them help you as you would help them, even just their hugs will make you feel stronger.
Katxx
14/8/08 09:46
Kerry - thanks for your post in my diary hun...
Want to leave you some ((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))) You really have been through the mill lately, I am amazed at how upbeat you have been despite everything...and now life throws another stress your way...so sorry to hear about DPs job... I know it doesn't make it any easier for you but he is not alone. In this economic climate, a lot of people are in the same situation. Everyone will be tightening their belts and it would be sods law that you would get your BFP now. If you do, you will manage, it will be tight but you will cope. If it is meant to be it will be. I really hope things start to look up for you hun, you deserve a spell of
Will be thinking of you hun, hope DP gets some work sorted soon, n (((((HUGS)))))Em xxxx
14/8/08 08:53
kerry - (((hugs)))
so sorry to hear about your dh and his work. i wish i could find some words to make you feel a bit better but i am not sure there are any so i will just send lots of hugs your way.
whatever you decide, if you ever need support or just a rant, we are always here. XX
13/8/08 21:42
thanks kat for your kind words and support. I got myself in such a state on monday night, i couldnt sleep and everything was going through my mind and as you know everything just seems 100 times worse when you feel like you are the only person awake in the world, i just felt really lonely and confused. Thankfully i do feel a bit better now , just got to get on with it i guess and keep talking and asking for support instead of painting on a smile and being the joker, the party person. I think being back at work after a lovely 2 week break had a lot to do with it aswell...........and the stress we have had these last few months with dh's mum, sister and of course the death of our niece and nephew's darling baby girl. I realise that after a couple of better nights sleep that i am allowed to change my mind about giving up ttc or keeping going - its not a decision anyone can definitively make and stick to so i am not going to beat myself up about it.
And just as i was beginning to feel better, DH came home from work tonight and announced he has been laid off work - there is not much call for painters (or any trade it would seem..) in this current economic climate. So i will be so busy being thrifty and making meals that cost 5p a head that i wont have time to worry about a baby that i couldnt afford to support
and of course in the ironic world we live in now would be the time that i would get a BFP - lord im such a sarky cow xxxxxxxxxxK xxx
12/8/08 08:36
Oh Kerry. I just don't know what to say. (((((HUGS)))) I'm just so sad reading of your sadness.
I wish I had some words of wisdom, or even better a cure for your confusion. A BFN after treatment hurts like nothing else but the pain eases with time. The wondering and the 'what ifs' if you don't try might hurt for even longer ....... I don't know, and I'm sat here trying to think of the answer. Have you ever looked on fertilityzone.co.uk? They have a 'moving on' forum. Its not just ladies that are ready to move on, there are lots people there who were undecided about where to go next. I spent some time there before my treatment. I felt less lonely for it and it helped me realise that I wasn't ready to move on and that treatment was for me, then there are others who are living child free and coming to terms with that. Maybe take a look and see if it helps clear your head a little. Sorry, rubbish advice maybe but I just can't imagine how much this is eating you up inside.
Thank you for the lovely post in my diary but its easy to be positive and make the most of being childfree for a while when you future is mapped out for you. Its a whole different thing when you don't know when your happiness will come ((((HUGS)))))
My heart is aching for you today Kerry, and if ever I wanted that magic wand its today.
Katxxx
12/8/08 00:54
hey girls thanks for posting in my diary xxxxxxxxxxx
well despite me and dh spending weeks, months, and years arriving at our decision to cool it off with ttc (and almost risking our marriage to boot) my heart says otherwise. All the conversations and hugs and apparent justifications just dont really cut the mustard cos when it comes down to it that ache in your heart just dont disappear. I dont feel emotionally strong enough to face fertility treatment yet equally i dont feel emotionally strong enough to not try...........what to do?
It's late , im tired and prob not as rational as i should be but i cant sleep and this, my diary is my wee safe haven. A week ago we had reached a decision that had taken us months, years to reach .......and that decison was that we agreed we would not take this to another level ie fertiltiy treatment. Its taken us years to admit that to each other and for a few days i can honestly admit i was happy and reconciled with that. So why now at 1am is dh fast asleep in bed, yet i need to log on to spill my worries and thoughts out in here, on bounty.
My only justification, right or wrong is that i dont know of the love a child could bring me - i can only imagine how wonderful life would be with said child. The trade off, as always is the emotional carnage (me not dh as he has coped and supported me so well) that comes with it. The only way i can describe it is keeping going with ttc is doing me more damage than calling time on the whole thing............but then i argue with myself that we never know what could happen ........
I'll close , a very confused and frustrated minihaha xxxxxxxxxxx
8/8/08 10:37
hey hunni. had to opo in and see how the hols went. sounds like you had fun! enjoy the euphoria while you can. i hope work are easy on you when you return. thinkn of you babes. X
4/8/08 13:01
I hope today hasn't been too traumatic. I still have post holiday blues and its been a week now lol.
Stop tyring to work out why you are happy, and just enjoy it. You deserve it and I hope it lasts a long time yet
Katxxx
3/8/08 01:18
well thats us back our hols lol and we have had a fab break, weather was good - save a couple of heavy showers but it didnt stop us getting out and about and it was great to be away from the hum drum and we just enjoyed being together.............i had actually forgotten that DH could be such fun
haha xxi did put on about half a stone mind...................
so its an extra few lengths of the pool for me this next week i think..as always its nice to be home and i am looking forward to getting into my own bed - omg i sound like an old woman lol x
not sure what our future holds for us but for now i am happy, call it denial, call it survival, or perhaps thats just life.........?? Or perhaps i need to stop analysing things and enjoy being chilled and relaxed? god knows my bubble will burst when i back to work next week haha x
to all and thanks for your posts in my diaryK xxx
31/7/08 13:26
Not sure if you are still away on your break, if so hope the weather is staying nice for you and that you are having a nice relaxing time
, (((((HUGS))))) and xx29/7/08 10:57
so sorry to ear about baby lily. i am glad the funeral went well (as well as you can expect a baby's funeral to go) and I wish he parents and the rest of the family all the strength to cope with this loss. { i }
I hope you are okay yourself and i understnad the frusttration of the stand still. i think the idea of gorging on junk for a day or two is a good one. I do that every now and then and seem to kickstart myself back into shape. that or munching on ryvita! lol.
wishing you well. love and hugs. XXX
25/7/08 21:20
Hi Kerry!
Just popping by to thank you for your post in my diary. It is weird being off work, but at least now I will have time to catch up on all your diaries!! (well for the next 4/5 weeks anyway!) I can't imagine what Lily's parents and you all must be going through but wanted to send my love and ((((((HUGS)))))).
Em xx
21/7/08 18:08
Hi hun,
I'm so sorry about baby Lily, her parents must be devastated.
How are you coping with it all??
I'm glad to read that you're still losing weight, that's great, you never know it may lead to your bfp, you totally deserve it,
I'm just dropping in with some
, (((((((((HUGS)))))))) and 
xx
sorry for not posting much recently but hope you understand my reasons