JFC`s IUI Diary
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16/7/08 17:50
16/7/08 14:53
Hi jfc
how are you, you are so Luckly booking a hols and to crete its meant to be really nice there
You will have a great time it will def relax you, never know it might be a crete baby he he
take care xx
16/7/08 09:57
Wooo Hooooo
Thats the way to go JFC. Holidays are a fab way of thinking positive. Infact I wud say the build up is one of the best parts. Just what u need and deserve right now hunni. So u have 4 wks to prepare. I always write lists of what im going to buy, i plan to get hair and nails done, research the web on the best places to eat and visit while im away (altho i never really visit them) and I often do a crap crash bikini diet or detox of some sort. Yes im a geek but I love it!!!!!
Sorry that somehow turned into a tale about me
Thought I was going away for a minute there. Its ok I have pulled my head back out of the clouds now!!!!Anyway hun, glad to hear ur feeling a little happier
Minxx15/7/08 12:30
Hi JFC
Yippee a holiday. I went to Crete with DH about 6 years and it was lovely. One side is black sand and the other is yellow. You will have a fab time and it WILL be your last holiday with just the two of you.
Don't apologise for being down. Getting a BFN is such a sad time especially after IVF or IUI as so much of you has been invested in it and there is so much hope. I seem to remember you telling me after my last BFN that I was allowed a wobble so the same goes for you too. You are made of very strong stuff you have shown that on here but take some time and soon you will be raring to go again.
I must dash as I have just spent nearly an hour trying to get round everyones diaries. There are so many on here now there is going to be a baby boom soon!
Take care Jo x
15/7/08 10:45
OK, well I am now really excited 'cos DH let me book a holiday last night! We are going to Crete for a week in Sept and I am soooo looking forward to it!! First holiday since our honeymoon over 3 yrs ago, lol! Woooohoooo!
Now, if this doesn't take my mind off the worries of TTC then I don't know what will! I couldn't get to sleep for ages last night just thinking about my holiday, lol!
14/7/08 13:34
Thanks all, Nonie, thanks, I'd like someone to give him a slap too, lol!
I'm doing ok-ish. For some reason this one has hit me hard, prob that bloke hasn't helped, but I'm still feeling so down and am sat at work trying not to cry all the time. I just want to be at home where I can cry all day with nobody to see.
Jo, I think the next IUI wil be our last shot before we go on the list for IVF. Which, in a way, I'm looking forward to as I have more faith in IVF working. But on the other hand, it means waiting until Dec/Jan/Feb time depending on the list.
I am so bloody miserable right now.
I really wish I could be positive or at least indifferent, but just now is a bad time for me and I can't shake it yet. Sorry.13/7/08 07:20
Hope you are having a good weekend JFC and that the corkscrew has had a fair amount of use.
How many goes of IUI do you get?
take care Jo x11/7/08 22:02
what a complete pillock. i too sat there reading it with a tear in my eye for you and want to know who he is so i can lamp him one! sorry to bring it all up again for you as it sounds like your just feeling better again. but never have i heard such an insensitive comment be passed it doesnt matter if he does or doesnt know your situation. what does he expect you to do - pick the baby up and start throwing her around what would he have said then! OMG what a plank. thinking of you. hope you have a lovely weekend and atleast you dont have to get on the train in the morning x
11/7/08 17:50
Scarlett and MRSC30 - thank you!
Wine is definitely on the agenda, DH has instructions to pick up a bottle on the way home, lol!Scarlett - yeah, Kings X is full of nutters, lol! I suppose incomparison I probably didn't look so bad! I hope anyway!
I know you're all right, I'm feeling so much better now. I know he's wrong about me, I am so much a baby person. Why else would my neighbours kids love me so much?!
(OK, the sweets and lollipops may help, lol) So he can go around thinking what he likes, I know he's just a plonker, one of life's many plonkers!Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thanks all so much for your support today, I so needed it. xxxx
11/7/08 16:34
Hi Hun
So sorry to hear about your bfn, i was so upset for you from reading your post.
You are very brave going through all this and it must be hard but at least its friday and you have the weekend to spend with your dh
make sure he spoils you wrotten.As for that nerd on the train MEN why can they be so annoying and inconsiderate at times.If you are still feeling angry about him grab a cushion and punch it hard.
Sending you good luck and best wishes there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sending you positive vibes.
11/7/08 16:00
Hi JFC,
Sorry I've not been on your post for a few days so didn't know about your BFN. ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you. And as for that stupid waste of space idiot on the tube, don't let him get to you. I know its easier said than done and I know how the smallest comment can trigger so much emotion in us, but he is not worth getting upset over. And as for people thinking you're a nutter in Kings cross...that station has more than its fair share of loonies, so I'm sure people must have thought you were quite normal in comparison.
Anyway, make sure you have a lovely weekend with DH and treat yourself to some wine...always makes things seem better. And please, don't ever question your motherly instincts....I'm sure you will make a brilliant mum and sometime soon, your time will come. Sounds a bit of a cliche, but it is true....so keep your chin up hon and have a goregous weekend with DH
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
11/7/08 15:21
Thanks Minnie - you've made me chuckle at the thought of Bounty bad vibes making him feel bad. Hmmm, I wonder how you make a voodoo doll?!
xx11/7/08 15:16
JFC,
Im really sorry about ur result. If thats not made ur day bad enough u shud not have to put up with some pilac on the train. He has no idea wha ur going through and to be honest wud have said it to anyone who didnt act like a performing monkey in front of his child. Attention Seekers..I cant stand them!!!! He sounds like one of these who uses his child to get attention off women...probably got an unhappy marriage or on visitation time with his kid. There s always a reason people behave the way they do.
Big (((((HUGS))))) as i know this isnt the best day for u. But as u said...look forward. I bet ur glad its Friday. At least u can curl up with ur DH with some vino and have some quality time together. I hope u dont work Saturday. Do everything u shuldnt this wk end. Drink, eat crap and spend cash u dont have. I think u deserve to spoil ur self as this journey is so emotional and unfair. As Lou said, I wish I cud give u a real cuddle.
As for that bloke he will probably be sat there with a bad feeling tonight and not quite understand why. little does he know that there are hundreds of Bounty women cursing him throughout the day.
Ha ha Whatever ur next step we will be here to support u on ur journey.
Minniexx11/7/08 14:30
Thanks Jo.
I'm starting to feel a bit better, it still cuts a little, but I'm just trying to focus on the next step. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the next month and just bd as much as possible in the hope that a 3rd IUI attempt won't be necessary.You're right about the guy on the train, he's a wazzock and I shouldn't waste any more time crying over his stupid comment.
DH is fab and I now just can't wait to get home and have a great big hug, and possibly a glass or two of wine!
That'll help, lol! xx11/7/08 13:07
Hi JFC
Firstly {big hugs} coming your way. What an awful start to your day. I am so sorry you got a BFN. There is nothing I can say as of course you will be horribly disheartened and it will hurt like hell. However you will get your turn. I can not say when or how but don't for one minute think you are not baby friendly. Do not give up you are good person and you will be a fabulous Mum. It sounds like your DH looks after you and is a lovely guy (even tho he may have a big head! Lol) so between you you will both be great parents.
As for the dude on your journey in this morning well what can I say. There are unfortunately a whole load of morons out there and you happened to bump into one of them at the worst time. You are a much better person than him and do not give him the satisfaction of wasting anymore tears on him. Cry for yourself and DH but not him.
Look after yourself chick and I am always here if you need to have a moan, rant of cry. It's not over by a long shot and by heck it is a horrible journey to be on but it will be worth it in the end.
Jo x11/7/08 11:45
Thank you hun. I don't think I've ever had a day this bad before. I have told my boss what's happened just so she doesn't thnk I'm a nutter or that something is very wrong, 'cos she did ask earlier if I was ok as she could see I'd been crying. She was lovely about it. I just wanted to tell her so she doesn't worry all day.
I'm sure you're right, there's a reason why this month it didn't happen. But like you I just want to know the reason. I want to know that if not now, when?! Will it ever happen? Or am I going to spend the next few years trying in vain and becoming upset each time.
This life is so tough sometimes. I was really doing ok yesterday and this morning. But that @rsehole has just set me back and he has no idea what he's done.
11/7/08 11:30
OMG JFC, what a horrible start to your day! I wish I could give you a proper cuddle...it made me fill up reading your post, as I think that anyone who has ever struggled TTC has had throw away comments said to them, or not even "to" them, that hit much deeper than anyone will ever know!!!
I'm soooo sorry that you got a bfn...sending you giant ((((((((HUGS)))))))). I would have reacted in exactly the same way...he's lucky he didn't get a swift shoeing!!! That kind of thing would make my blood boil for the rest of the day, and I would also keep crying! I think you're entitled! But what you said about maybe he's right, is SO not true, it's unreal!!!
I don't know how you feel about this, and I don't want to upset you more, but I am a big believer in fate, and this month is just not the right time, for some reason. I always said I could cope easier if I just new when.....if somehow I just knew that we were going to fall next month, next year, or in 2 years, iykwim! But your time will come...you are a strong woman who has already been through hell to get this far, and like always, we just spend a day or two crying, then brush ourselves off, get back on that horse, and just go for it again!!! Everytime I got a BFN, I would cry for a day, and it would help to know that the next morning when I woke up, I would be back to my "Right....that's it......!!!" frame of mine. But I did just need that time to grieve my loss first!!!
Why don't you go home for the day? Just put your feet up, and pamper yourself? Wish i could take you pain away!!! Big ((((HUGS)))) again, love Lou xxxxx
11/7/08 11:03
Well, my day is not good and I cn only hope it gets better. As if getting a BFN isn't bad enough (though I was doing ok about that until later), I then ended up being upset mby a total @rsehole on the tube this morning.
I was sitting reading my book and this guy sat next to me with his little girl on his lap, she was prob about 18mths old if that. He sat there the stop before I was getting off. I was reading my book as I do every day and after a few mins the little girl starts to reach over to me waving her hand in my face, so I looked up and smiled at her. She turned back to her dad and then after a few seconds she was putting her hand in front of my face again, so again I looked up and smiled. Then the train pulled into Kings X, so I stood up to get off. Then I heard the man say to his little girl "not a baby friendly lady"!!!!!!!!
I didn't quite know what to say so I simply said "I smiled at your child, what more do you want me to do?" He said "nothing" and looked at me like I was mad! So I said "strange man" and got off the train. I then, thanks to him, burst into tears and looked to everyonee lse like a nutcase walking through Kings X station crying and as yet, I still haven't stopped completely. I want to punch him in the head and yell at him "well if you'd spent over 3 yrs ttc and just had another -ve hpt this morning you wouldn't feel like playing with strangers babies either!".He hit a nerve and today was the worst possible day for him to do that. I don't know why ppl feel the need to pass comments like that, if I had been rude or anything I'd have understood his comment, but I was nice and smiled at the lo.
I am so upset. Maybe I'm not baby friendly!? Maybe that's my problem. I don't know. But he's really hurt me, some stranger makes a flippant remark and that's me devastated for the day. He's ruined my day, erally, I was ok before then. Now I have to suffer a day at work like this and I'm struggling so hard. My boss knows I've been crying and has asked if I'm ok but I can't tell her what's wrong because I feel stupid for letting this idiot upset me with something so insignificant.
10/7/08 10:47
Ah thanks ladies. Bless ya. I started to get the odd dull tummy ache that's always associated with af, so it's not looking promising tbh. But hey, I'm doing ok and not expecting anything so I can't be too down. I'm actually feeling pretty good and having had a rather saucy dream about DH last night I'm feeling pretty happy with my lot in life. I've kind of come to the conclusion that no matter how much I do want a baby, I am so lucky to have my DH and we'll be happy together no matter what happens.
Gosh, that all sounds quite daft doesn't it, lol!!Anyway, on to other things. MRSC, if you mention your dentist appt to your acupuncturist, maybe he'she can do something that might help keep you calmer at the dentist after, if you're all relaxed and everything.
10/7/08 09:21
Hi jfc
dropping of more
to you for tomorrowFINGERS CROSSED xxxxxxxxxx
THanks for info on accupunture i have a session tomorrow i cant wait its so relaxing although i have the dentist after which is not so good should have swapped them over ha ha .
Will be thinking of you tomorrow
Hey Hunni,
Wow, a holiday...how fab!!!
You certainly deserve it and I think it will do you the world of good. Minnies absolutely right....planning your trip is almost as exciting as actually being there. So get yourself out and start getting those bikinis in - you can never have too many..... 
Scarlett xxxxx