For Scarlett
- Forums
- Fertility treatments
- For Scarlett
1/9/08 21:15
1/9/08 12:51
Scarlett,
First time I've been on since your bad news, I am so so sorry for you. I know how heartbreaking that BFN is but can only imagine how you must be feeling after so many goes. The process is so exhausting in itself but to go through it so many times with no result must be so devestating for you and your dh.
My heart goes out to you and I know no words can make you feel better, I just hope that you find the strength to pull through this dark and so unfair time by being there for each other.
Love Suzie
XXX
29/8/08 10:13
Oh Scarlett huni. My heart is broken for you.
I wish I could do something to help, I wish I could make it all un-happen. I wish I could give you a great big hug. {{{{HUG}}}} You are absolutely 100% NOT stupid! You have hopes and dreams just like all of us and holding onto those hopes is not at all silly. I don't think I've ever seen you so heartbroken and it's just killing me to see you like this. 
There really isn't anything I can say that will stop you from hurting, and I can understand that. I can understand that you probably just want to sit and cry for as long as it takes. And that's ok. I just don't want to see you blame yourself for having hope. You don't deserve this pain hun, you really don't.
Whatever you decide is best for you, you know we will all be there to support you. So you take your time to get yourself back to a place where you feel less fragile and you let us know if there's anything we can do for you. Even if it's just a cyber hug here and there. Sending you so much
xx29/8/08 09:54
Hi JFC,
I have already posted this in my main diary, but because you are having problems with your computer again I am posting exactly the post here too.
You have been so much support for me, so just wanted to keep you updated.
Its over for me....again
I'm not pregnant. I didn't even manage to get as far as getting a BFN test result. AF arrived full flow yesterday. Official test is not happening until Monday...
I don't know why I was so stupid, foolish and naive enough to think that it might work for me this time. If it hasn't worked the previous 3 times, why would the 4th be any different? DH and I are absolutely devastated and heartbroken. We can't do this any more. How many times are we going to have to go through this heartache? They say each BFN makes you stronger, but it doesn't....it just breaks you even more and takes away a small part of you every time.
I knew deep down on tuesday when the initial bleeding started that we were not going to be blessed, and yet I continued to hold on to that tiny bit of hope I still had. I deluded myself into believeing it may be an implantation bleed. I should have accepted it then, but instead, I kept hold of our dream.
AF arrived full flow yesterday and yet I still took a HPT just in case I was wrong. How stupid am I? It was a BFN of course. I called the clinic yesterday and they confirmed that it probably hasn't worked but that I should continue to use the pessaries and still go in for my blood test on Monday. I didn't see any more point in using the pessaries last night, so didn't bother with it.
DH and I have cried so many tears. I thought there would be no more left, but yet they still continue to fall as I write this post.....
I really don't know what I am going to do now.
I just want to wish all of you girls
I hope all of your hopes and dreams come true
Scarlett
xxxxxxxxx
28/8/08 13:29
Hi Scarlett huni. I have to post in here again as it seems it's my work pooter that won't let me into your diary - darn work, I always knew it was bad!
I hope you are feeling ok and that the bleeding has stopped. I have everything crossed for you! xx
27/8/08 04:54
Oh Scarlett {{{{{hugs}}}}} It does seem so early to have AF if it is not due until Friday. I know how hard these last couple of days are but until AF arrives properly it is not over.
Please please don't give up just yet I have absolutely everything crossed for you and am wishing so hard that this is not AF.
Scarlett I am hoping and praying that when you post this morning that there is no more bleeding. I wish I could come over and give you a huge {{{{{hug}}}} as I can only imagine how worried you are at the moment.
Please take care and I am thinking of you
Jo x 26/8/08 20:52
Oh Scarlett. I just don't know what to say. I really hope you are wrong and its just your little ones snuggling in. 4 days early does seem very early though so I'm not giving up hope for you yet. I so badly want his to work for you Scarlett, I really do.
If this really is your af then you need some time out. You and your dh really need some you time I think. If you need to rant, rave, cry or whatever then just pm/email me (my nickname at hotmail.com). My cyber tissues are the softest around. I really hope its a false alarm though and my tissues are not needed.
You are in my thoughts. Hang in there embies.
((((HUGS))))Katxxx
26/8/08 20:33
I think it is well and truly over for me
I have had incredibly bad cramps today. Both my lower back and tummy have been really painful just like the usual AF pains that I get. I've had a bad feeling about it all day. I know I have had cramps since ET, but today was the worst. Anyway, this evening after dinner I went to the loo and there was blood in my my knickers. It was not pink or brown like everyone talks about. It was bright red blood. I am absolutely crushed
I don't know why I deluded myself into believing that it could be my turn this time. I'm absolutely devastated. I really don't know what to do now. My cramps are still really bad and I have now put on a sanitary towel. I know I will be going to the loo every 2 minutes to check on the bleeding. My AF is due on Friday so this is very likely to be my AF and not implantation bleed.
I'm not holding out much hope now.....I think I have come to the end of the road. We have had 4 ICSI attempts pretty much in a row without a break and so I don't think I can take much more of this.
Thanks for all the kind messages.
Scarlett xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
25/8/08 20:22
Hi - Just come on here to spread some
Really hope that you get your lovely sticky BFP very very soon xxx
25/8/08 19:53
Thanks girls for all the
Caz - I'm not sure if my original diary is still playing up, so I've just copied and pasted my last post here from my other diary!!!! I have emailed Bounty admin, but haven't heard anything back from them.
Hi girls,
Hope you have all had a lovely weekend. I've just got home from a wedding reception party that started at 12noon. I'm absolutely shattered now. If all the dancing didn't get the blood flow going, I don't know what will.
Yesterday was another lovely day. My parents came to visit me for the day. They took me out shopping and then my mum cooked dinner for DH and I before they left to travel back home. It was such a lovely day. It really helped take my mind off things.
I still have the cramps in my tummy and lower back ache, although its not there all the time now. It really just comes and goes and my boobs are still sore. It really does feel like AF is coming. I checked my diary today as well and just realised that my AF is due on Friday this week. My official test date is Saturday, although it is being postponed till Monday as no-one will be at the clinic to take my blood. Last time, the progesterone did not delay my AF and my AF started on the same day that I got my official BFN test result. So this time, I am hoping and praying that AF does not arrive before I even get to test day. I had a dream last night that the wicked witch arrived....I was gutted!!! I just hope that it is a dream and that that particular dream does not come true.
I have also decided that I am going to do a HPT on Saturday which is supposed to be my official test date. I previously said that I am not going to test early this time, however, if I test on Saturday, I won't be testing early. So I'm just going to do it. I then have a friends birthday drinks to go out to on Saturday evening. I will either be going out and getting absolutely wasted, or I will be going out with the biggest smile on my face and the best secret I could possibly have.....oh how I so want it to be the latter! Please, please, please, please let it be my time.....
Scarlett p.s. good luck to all of you girls too. your support means so much to me!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
21/8/08 14:27
Sorry - thought this was Caz's thread!
Also wanted to say good luck to Scarlett - you haven't got long til you can tell everyone about your BFP now! (Positive thinking
)You are doing really well - staying strong and positive which definately helps, so I'm sure this will be your time
Here's some babyglue
21/8/08 14:27
Oh bless, thanks Luci!
21/8/08 14:24
Hi Caz
Just wanted to say third time lucky for you tomorrow - I really hope it goes well for you tomorrow and you get your BFP this time round, you really deserve it
Good luck, I will be keeping everything crossed for you
XXX
21/8/08 14:02
Thanks!
It could be, each hosp/cons varies in how they like to proceed. I have no probs at all, I ov fine, hormone levels all good, regular cycles, but at Barts they prefer to do IUI with Clomid and a trigger shot, just the way they do things. Don't worry too much, if they aren't happy with something they'll change things to suit your needs.
21/8/08 13:54
Oh, good luck, i've been told i wont be having a stimulated cycle staright away, do you think its because i'm ok?????????x
21/8/08 12:58
Wow Juju, I am keeping fingers crossed that it works for you asap so you can stop spending on treatments and start shopping for pram etc!
I'm on cd12 today hun, did my trigger shot this morning and having the IUI (3rd time lucky?!) tomorrow. Nervously excited!
21/8/08 12:42
Aww thanks you 2. I dont know why they dont help maile infertility, i dont find it fair that they help woman & not men. We've been trying for just iver 6yrs and at first we thought it was me because i suffer from endometriosis but after al the tests and an op on his poor testi it revealed it was him
Will cost £2500 for our 1st treament and then should that fail - hopefully not - it will only be £410.00. Not too bad but thats money i could spend on the pram i've dreamed and drooled over for all those years
Scarlett - loads more
, eagerly awaiting your massive BFP 
!!Juicyfruitcaz - where are you with your treament, i've lost track of all the diarys!!!!!
xx
21/8/08 12:19
Thanks girls.
I can't believe it is 6dpec - I'm almost halfway there now. I am keeping absolutely everything crossed!!!!!
Love Scarlett
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
20/8/08 15:14
Hi Scarlett
I'm dropping off some more of that special
, every little helps and all that! I need you to get your BFP before I can get mine, so you keep taking it easy and those embies will be snuggling in all cosy for the next 8/9 months.
xxJuju - I cannot believe the NHS sometimes! I mean, why is is that we have this postcode lottery?!! Shouldn't the rules be the same countrywide?! It's disgraceful and totally unfair! Wishing you heaps of
though, you will get there in the end. xx20/8/08 14:22
Hi Juju,
How come your health authority don't fund male infertility problems on the NHS?? That is disgraceful!!!!
Well I hope this is your time and that you get that BFP that you and DH so deserve!
Scarlett xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Scarlett
Im so sorry to hear your bad news(HugS)
I really hope when you go to the clinic they can help give you some answers.
You both must be devastated but we are all here for you when evr you need us
Look after each other x x x x