Hello all,

Sorry to hear from those ladies whose men are not being helpful.I am one of the lucky ones, and my fella is a star.

My view is if it is unconfortable or makes you tired - you shouldn't do it!  I know that is easier said than done though.

I find it uncomfortable doing basic things like carrying the laundry basket downstairs, and I cannot carry my 3yr old to bed.  It is very frustrating for me to feel so useless - but I would rather not do the silly things and keep my babies in there for as long as possible!  I am 27wks so scary how much more useless I might get!

I think my hubby understands that this is not being lazy (I was very active with my 1st pregnancy), but the effect of twins and it is perhaps even more frustrating for me that I cannot manage, than for him having to do lots of extras.

Have you got any friends/relatives who can help?  Can you afford a cleaner for a while?  That might wake them up!

Look after yourselves and babies x

Had a big old rant at hubby the other night and i didnt get the "i bring the money in" speach this time, so something seems to have sunk in for now as he has been helping to bath dd and get her pjs on and even put her up to bed last night :0 not sure how long it will last, but enjoying it. Still mega tired tho, roll on end of sep should enjoy them being in there, much easier to look after i bet he he

He has the rest of the month off work from wed as we are moving house, so i will be gladly watching him shift all the heavy stuff he he

joanne- that was a hurtful remark from your man, if only they knew how hard it all is... i think men think once babies are born thats it, back to normal, but its just not how it goes, not for a long time if ever!!! Hope they will realise soon and start giving us the support we need and deserve............... and then my bloke will revert back to cave man and we'll have to start all over again lol

Hi Ladies,

Sorry to hear your partners and hubby's are like this I can sympathise with you my DS dad was the worst ever. But I now have a knight in shining armour if  struggling he will do absolutely anything the only 2 things he cant do is drive and iron. Not to keen on his washing up tho lol (but it is passable I suppose) only joking.

I take son to school and come home and he is hoovering or mopping the floor or polishing he cooks the dinners if im not upto it and he helps out with my DS if I ask him he will load the washing machine if my heartburn is bad to save me bending over and making it worse plus belly gets in the way!!! lol.

He has already told me that when the babies come he knows that he is going to have his work cut out and have a list of things to do all he asks of me is to be patient with him.

So maybe I have a cave man but his new age and I love him so much.

Sending you all virtual {{{{hugs}}}}

Jenni 27+5 BG twins xxx

Hiya girls, just reading this and it's making me so annoyed with your fellas! Shame on them! Anyhow, I just wanted to say men are hopeless and you're right, something drastic would have to happen before they stood up and took notice of just how hard you're having it.

My advice to you all is look after yourselves, only do what you have to do and leave the rest, if nobody is going to take care of you, you must do it yourself. I know it's hard but try and be selfish, you need to rest and the sooner your fellas realise that the better. If they have a moan at an untidy house, then tell them you weren't up to it. Sometimes you just have to slap them in the face for them to realise that you need help too. I used to run myself into the ground until one day I thought sod it, and I never looked back, although the house isn;t always neat & tidy, but who's is with 3 little ones? 

Stand up for yourselves girls, cos no one else will.

Hi ladies, thanks for your support.

Chelle - Hope all is well with your pregnancy and your not feeling too tired.  Have you managed to get hubby to do more around the house.  This morning I had both babs in rockers to feed them and jeremy kyle was on the TV - my hubby nipped back from work to collect some equipt and popped in lounge and said " crikey what a life, I wish I could sit around watching jeremy kyle" I could have punched him but I find just ignoring him works better. 

He has just got home from work and has found that I have done some cleaning up which I have told him i shouldnt yet be doing and said that he feels like he is getting his wife back.  Every day when I over exert myself I can always tell the day after, I have told my hubby that leaving the cleaning all to me is just putting my recovery time back, but he dosent seem that bothered just as long as he can just come home from work and sit down in front of the tv.

Jerseygirl - Its great to know that you have a hubby that does his fair share and helps you where he can.  Towards the end of my twin pregnancy I advised my registrar of discomfort and pain in my upper abdomen area, he asked if i had maybe done anything to cause the pain and I said yes probably doing the housework.  He said you have a hubby leave it to him to do it and then my hubby turned to him and said I have told her this already, but she just carries on and does it anyway, I just couldnt believe what he had said, he is good at making people believe that he is willing to do his fare share and for me to put my feet up.

Can I ask at what age did your babs sleep through the night?

speak soon

joanne x

Hi ladies, thanks for your support.

Chelle - Hope all is well with your pregnancy and your not feeling too tired.  Have you managed to get hubby to do more around the house.  This morning I had both babs in rockers to feed them and jeremy kyle was on the TV - my hubby nipped back from work to collect some equipt and popped in lounge and said " crikey what a life, I wish I could sit around watching jeremy kyle" I could have punched him but I find just ignoring him works better. 

He has just got home from work and has found that I have done some cleaning up which I have told him i shouldnt yet be doing and said that he feels like he is getting his wife back.  Every day when I over exert myself I can always tell the day after, I have told my hubby that leaving the cleaning all to me is just putting my recovery time back, but he dosent seem that bothered just as long as he can just come home from work and sit down in front of the tv.

Jerseygirl - Its great to know that you have a hubby that does his fair share and helps you where he can.  Towards the end of my twin pregnancy I advised my registrar of discomfort and pain in my upper abdomen area, he asked if i had maybe done anything to cause the pain and I said yes probably doing the housework.  He said you have a hubby leave it to him to do it and then my hubby turned to him and said I have told her this already, but she just carries on and does it anyway, I just couldnt believe what he had said, he is good at making people believe that he is willing to do his fare share and for me to put my feet up.

Can I ask at what age did your babs sleep through the night?

speak soon

joanne x

your werent having a moan joanne like you said you need to get things off your chest xx

hi ladies thanks for your support and well done on your beautiful babies

joanne- dont worry about having a moan, i can only imagine how you are feeling at the moment, its hard work recovering from a section ( i had one with dd too) it takes such a long time to heal properly and getting over carrying twins as well as looking after them, you are doing a fab job, i know what you mean about ending up in hospital to shake them up a bit, seems silly if you say it out loud, no matter how much you try talk to them you always feel like your nagging, only because they dont listen tho!!!!!!! i have married a cave man, i will keep plodding on and hope we start getting the help we deserve xx

jersey girl- thanks for your kind words glad that not all men are stuck in the dark ages like mine, it good to know that your getting lots of support dont think my hubby would listen to any one he is soooooooooooooo stubborn, might bring it up at next appointment see if midwife will back me up and tell him off a bit, i know "im only pregnant" but there is too much to risk

thanks again, try to take care of yourselfs as much as possible

chelle

Sorry, don't have any suggestions but just thought I'd say good luck to both of you.

I was lucky as my husband was great and did a lot for me as he could see that towards the end especially, I just couldn't do it.  I have a dd but she is 11 so she is a help rather than a hinderance.  My twins are 23 weeks now and I can only imagine how hard it would be to have another young child to look after as well.

I do feel for you ladies.  Do you have any other family members that could have a word with them perhaps.  Maybe if it came from somebody else they might take it better?!

Big hugs to ya both and hope you find a way to make your hubbys realise what you are going through and that you are not just being lazy or feeling sorry for yourselves but genuinely need support and help.

xxx

Hi chelle, dont worry your not alone - my hubby is the same - he thinks because he goes to work that he has done his bit by bringing home the money but he hasnt got a clue what it is like to carrying two babs around with you and how tiring it is especially with having a tot to deal with as well.

I am now nearly 4 weeks past giving birth to my twin id boys and had to have an elective section due to my first child being an emergency section and my hubby dosent help with the chores even though i was told by medics at hospital not to do any chores for at least 6 weeks post op.  He even complains about getting up in the evening to do the nappy changes and feeds.

Every time i do anything around the house i will start to bleed heavy (sorry tmi) and so when i tell him he will say oh sit down for 5 mins and have a rest.  Not that i want to be taken back in hospital but feel if i did at least it would shake him up a bit and get him to help out a bit more around the house.  Men really dont have a clue do they.

Sorry have had a bit of a moan but feel we need to get it off our chest how we are really feeling otherwise will go mad.

Hope you can get your hubby to do a bit more coz as your pregnancy goes by you will find it gets much harder - I had bad spd and also sciatica especially at night which i believe is the norm when carrying twins.

Hope rest of your preg goes well.

Joannex

hello everyone hope we are all feeling ok and keeping our chins up,

just wondering how much help support your all getting cos no matter how much he see's me struggling, hubby just dosnt help out, we've got an 18 month dd and i really struggle especially getter her bathed and bed etc he dosnt even tidy her toys up or wash up when im bathing her nor does he do anything i ask him to do like the hevier jobs round the house

im only 26 weeks and got a way to go yet, luckely i get a rest in the afternoon when dd has a sleep, i think it will only sink in with him if god forbid i end up in hospital or on bed rest

sorry for the moan we've all got enough on our plates, but i just cant get through to him........ help!!!!!!!

chelle 26+2 twin girls