I have experience with the moving away part. I moved hr and half away from my little boys dad to  be closer to my family and friends when he split up with me. He sees him every fortnight but i dont agree with the statement that the person who moves should make the effort to keep contact. Its his son so if he wants to see him he has to get in the car and make the effort cos at the end of the day if he played a bigger and more important role when we were 5 mins down the road we never would have left. My little boy has a fine relationship with his dad but has gained so much more by having around 10 other family members around. If you think the move is for the best then  go for it and work something out with the access through your solicitor if worried.

I have put a ban on my little boys passport from anyone cancelling it and ordering a new one (just incase his dad gets sly as i wont give it to him) and takes him without my knowledge but also was advised to write to passport office saying if anyone tries to take him out of country to contact me straight away. Got letter the other day confirming its all been set up and feel much better. Chances are dad would not do it but makes me feel safer about my little one

Despite all he has done to me I want him to see his son, he doesdn't seem that keen though. Maybe when the lo is older he'll gain more interest and it's only been a couple of weeks, but he's already moved 2 hours away and he already has a girlfriend(not that he didn't before!)

My solicitor said that he should have supervised access with me but if he becomes abusive in anyway then we could do a contact centre I think he said, not sure but it is early days!

I'm not expecting him to jump through hoops, this man earns £12,000 per month, yes per month so the occasional trip up to me wouldn't kill and I'd be down here every weekend anyway!

well as far as i can see the guy dont wanna play active part in kiddies life as he is "MOVING BACK TO AFRIC IN 2012"..........so why shud she stay put and miss out on a good move/job i cant remember what she sed sorry....

but like katy sed it was easier for me as kids dad didnt see them he walked the day i found out i was preg with ds so it made my move easier!!!

although i wud give anything for him to play a active role in both there lives but i think the damage is done now and my dd is nearly 3 going on 33 and i think bringing him bck in her life at this moment wud really put her off.....as now she is stable and knows who is who.....so i wudnt want to disrupt her life so to speak.....well nto at the mo anyways but ive never stopped him seeing her or ds but as far he concerned ds isnt his blah blah blah........................and guess wha...........i dnt really care...........he the one who gotta answer questions wen they are both old enough.....not me!

anyways ill shurrup now

sorry if uze dont agree but i think she shud move and be happy..........especially if its guna make a better life for her and her child.

nuf said

nanite xxxx

I know its a complete change of subject but why is losing our children our worst fear. I have too applied to court for residence order and a prohibited steps order is in place (court case still going on). It's like these men know they cannot hurt us in any other way than through the threat of taking what we love most. Sorry girls just really sick of living in fear of not having lo here with me, its on my mind every second of every day :-(  

Hi there - I thought i'd post a reply to this - as i've got some experience with threat of abduction and prohibited steps order. I have both a residence order and prohibited steps order protecting my son - as he has an Egyptian father who has threatened to kill me and abduct my lo..................my case is different in the sense that my lo has never met his father as he lives in Egypt and I escaped from him when he was violent and abusive towards me when I found out I was pregnant!

I kind of want to play devils advocate here - because i've seen you post in the 13-18 month forum and I was under the impression that you too have escaped a violent relationship and you obviously have a worry about your ex abducting your lo as well. So I personally think you (and most likely your solicitor) need to do what you feel is necessary to protect your son. On the one hand you seem happy for your lo to still see his father but on the other hand you are worried he could abduct him. I would imagine your solicitor would advise on a supervised contact order.

You sound like you need a fresh start and if moving and taking this opportunity up north is the way forward then I would go for it. If you are happy for your ex to still see your lo then an agreement should be able to be reached in order to for that to happen.

I would just be wary - if you genuinely think your ex could abduct your son then you will need to be on your guard. Reunite are an excellent charity that specialise in abduction cases and they can give you good advise. I know for a fact that even though my ex is not on my sons birth certificate here in England - he can get hold of Egyptian documents for him...............I also know for a fact that if he ever got him in to Egypt then I would never see him again! So like I said the main thing is to make sure you and your lo are protected as much as possible!

Obviously there are situations where the father contributes nothing to their children's lives despite the resident parents efforts (hugs Amy) where moving away doesn't affect contact because the idiots don't have any in the first place.  I don't disagree with making a better life when the father is not involved through his own choice, I wouldn't disagree with giving men like that a kick to the nuts either.

I disagree with Natrose

Slightly off-topic, I think just expecting non-resident parents to fit in with whatever you decide to do as the resident parent, especially with things like moving away and increasing travelling times and costs significantly, is not working together to ensure your child comes first.  If there is an arrangement in place, and you change something without letting the other party know or have any say, you need to be the one that makes the effort to keep the arrangement as it was.  Of course any good father would do anything to see his child, but there's expecting them to make an effort and be reliable, and expecting them to jump through hoops because it suits you.

me and my kids dad lived in the same town not that he seen the kids like but it hurt that he didnt and now we have moved away me and the kids.....its sorta easier!!! if you get what i mean......

goodluck whatever u do chick u know what is right for u and ur child!

xxxxxxxxxxx

I think that if moving away makes a better life for you and your child you should do it hun, moving away shouldnt effect contact, I personally think that if he really wants to see his child then he would travel to anywhere just to have contact. I think thats its also his responsibilty to se his child as well as yours. Just because you moved doesnt mean you should always to the travel arrangements. Good luck in what ever you do and trust your instincts if its a good career move then it will benefit you and your child in the future.

Will he still be able to see his LO as he is now?  If it doesn't affect contact and it improves your LOs life, then it sounds like a positive move.  If you moving stops LO from seeing his dad, I'd have some reservations.

I have said in the past if one parent changes their circumstances then they are responsible for making sure contact is continued, so if someone moves away, they should take some responsibility for transport to ensure LO and non-resident parent still see each other.

The same as if dad moved further away through choice, I would expect him to take responsibility for travelling to see their child.  If a mother moves her child further away, I would expect them to take some responsibility, because they've made a decision that the father has no part in.

My uncle moved to England from Scotland, so takes responsibility for the travelling to see his son.  I would not expect his ex to bring his son to him because he chose to move.  It works the other way round in my head too, if the resident parent moves.  And then if the non-resident parent moves to Africa, I'd expect them to be responsible for travelling, and so on.

I personally wouldn't move that far away because my son sees his father a lot and I wouldn't want to come between that, and I have a daughter who is that far from her father and it definitely makes contact a lot harder and less often.  But you know your circumstances best.

With the solicitors stuff, have you thought about how moving away such a distance without informing the childs father will look on the application for residence and on the prohibited steps order?  You have to consider that it might not be approved of by some people, and it could count against you.

Good luck to you whatever you do.

you need to do what you feel is best for you and your little one , if he is leaving the country in 2012 it suggests that he dont intend to be a hands on father anyway

Hiya ladies, I am new here. Just split up with sons dad - it has been on horizon for a while now! I've got a chance to move to Newcastle for my work and it will be really great for my career, the problem is it is 4 hours drive away. My sons dad is originally from Africa and is intending to go back there to live in 2012.

My question is, can I move away from him? I am trying to decide wether to tell him after I have moved or before. I don't want him to go to court and contest me moving or anything as I can't afford to let this chance pass me by.

I went to solicitor and am applying for a residence order for the lo to live with me full time and a prohibited steps order that lo is not allowed out of the country without me(fear of abduction to Africa).