Its strange, i dont know anyone who got pregnant so they coould live of the gov/us.... my cousin had her 1st when we where only 20, she worked her dp didnt, when going back to work, she found out she is £10 less of than if she was working, so she didnt go back, she didnt see the point in missing her lo growing up if she wasnt earning enough to 'compensate' it....... thast the lo jsut started school, her 2nd (and last kid lol) is in nursery, so this year she has gotten herself  a wee part time job.. in the view to increase it next year when her ds is in school too... Him! phuh! dont even get me started on the lazy sh1t!

in my 3 'groups' i dont get looked down on, well i dont think i do.

1 group is friend from school, 1 girl had her baby a few months b4 i had my son, and she left him for all of a week, and said she doeesnt know how i manage, not just bringing lo up, but the no money side either (im off on the sick untill work get their fingers out n give me half decent shifts to work around lo so earn a grand total of £72 a week, with no benefits!)

group 2 is the lot i met at aquanatel. im the only single mum there... and i actually think some are jealous of me sometime as i dont have the day to day hassles of a guy lol

group 3 is who i met at breastfeeding groups, thiers anothe single mum there too, and she milks it for everything going! i think i may on occassion, look down on her, shes not from this area, moved to be closer to her dad, got a brand new 2 bed house, and does live of the system, but i know its not easy for her... she claims to be scared of her ex finding her, but she is pictured in the local papers every week for one thing or another! (recently found out she is a devious devious cow!)

what is 'happy families?' for me, its me and my boy, having a roof over our heads (that i paid/paying for) food in our bellies, and clean clothes on... they may not be the best but at least they are clean.

gingerbread / opf  have been about for years (not in my area though) ...i  am an older single mum and do find that if you arent wearing a wedding ring / engagement ring  you do get treated diffrent ... especially when i went to toddler group .. and .my own ( friend ) was the same when i split up instead of giving me support  was the opposite

but as they say single mums come from all walks of lifes  ...two  mums in our area in the last fornight  have lost their husbands partner through a road traffic accident ( one due her first baby in the next few weeks and the other a mum of two ) they didnt think they would end up single parents by the  end of the year ....

it does make me mad when others who havent got a clue ...think  & single parents are benefits scroungers , have a house like a palace (curtersy of them the tax payers) , and more money than those working full time , get money left right and centre if the ask for if from benefit loans etc etc

Ahh, mate...thats life though isnt...we all get distracted...my ex did and we had Jack lol....and we were married, old enough to know better, but then again......I knew I would get pg that night and was happy to aide the distraction..... the reasons...well....some know and its not for public viewing, though happy to tell you off here lol.......

As for your neice and not doing things you approve of.....well we all do things different and she has to learn the same as the rest of us so again her age has nothing to do with it as you say......women at 40 are having kids and have less of a clue these days........and....if the girl you are talking about is the girl in the photo's on f/b.......then they look a lovely little family...x

I could totally understand her not being as careful as usual with contraception, poor love was watching her mum die of terminal breast cancer at the time.  People look at teen mums and think "chav" but my cousin was mature and careful, she just got caught out when she was a bit distracted by something else and it only takes one accident.  Her partner works so they get nothing more than any other working couple on a low income, but people automatically assume she's a benefits blagger, same as they do with single mums, who are obviously just lazy if they are on benefits.  It's a real shame when we are together and people assume that I am the mother even when she is doing everything for her son and I have my own baby four months younger with me.

Don't get me wrong, she's not perfect and does things I definitely don't approve of, but other than support her and offer advice I am happy that she can do this herself, she's got more common sense than I ever had.

good for you Kaki and just because your neice had an accident with contraception doesnt make her irresponsible or a bad mother.....age is no true factor in being a good mum OR dad for that matter...maturity is an individual thing.....my 6 year old is far more mature than my 8 year old......

TROUBLE IS........the young girls are in a no win situation....if they get pregnant, they are looked down on, if they keep the baby, they are looked down on, if they terminate, they are taking the easy option and looked down on......but in all fairness.......they do use protection, which is mature, if it fails and they keep the child, it is a mature action as is a termination as that takes a huge amount of understanding too...and having a child of their own does force a young girl to grow up even if ahead of their time.......its not an ideal situation for any young girl to be in...and if I had a daughter would hate it...but....you take what life throws at you and get on with it.....and that makes us all better people....well almost all lol.......

I have to say I have experienced some negative behaviour towards young mums, my cousin got pregnant at 15 and had her boy aged 16, and everyone assumes she is a single mum, or did it for benefits, or is this terrible thing.  She's a lovely lass who made a mistake with contraception.  I feel very protective towards her.

I have to be honest.....NO Kaki....not with what you have posted....though to be fair......thr drought is affecting my judgement and anyone will do and that boobytube is very...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

As I was preaching/saying........I havent had any of that attitude towards me, though it may simply be down to the circles I mix in are either Mums who have similar numbers of children and whose relationships ended after several years as with mine, or others are friends who knew me before I walked away from my marriage. Those friends in particular knew what I was going through and were very supportive at that time, and say we are a happier family for it......plus my 3 are much older as am I......I think you could all be judged on the stigma of young mum and baby...to lazy to work, not bright enough to work, poor family background so easy to get knocked up and moved into council accomodation and live on hand outs, feed babies with cold tea out of a dirty bottle, and hang outside the local chippy/pub/pool hall with a fag in your mouth and a bottle of cider!!!!!

shame society is so blinkered into old fashioned ignorance especially in this century as most of the single mums I know with young babies/toddlers.....are simply single from circumstances...not lifestyle benefit scrounging planning.....most are working if able or have or planning to return, most are either at uni, planning to go or considering the options of further education............( deep breath)..........(sigh)

ranting over.........coffee......??......anyone?????

I have ginger and rhubarb cookies.....organic....and M&S too!!

i hate this attitude!!  it cheese me off the way people think single parents are all scum, and worst of all is i got made redundant just after i found out i was pg.  so i'm an unemployed single mum, you can actually see people turn their noses up at me when they find that out!!

Just be honest manic.  You look down on me when I'm wearing my boobie tops, and up at me when I have a skirt on, you filthy pervert.

I felt exactly the same - stuck up thingeemabobs lol....

The 2nd M&T Group I went to, they were spking about a single parent who had joined the week before, funnily enough she hadn't gone back the next week, I was asked what my partner did and I said I didn't have a partner, you could see their faces change towards me - so I said he was dead, well their faces were an absolute picture you could tell they felt guilty for thinking the stereotype - I never went back to that one and have never went back to another since because of it.

You know i was made to feel like a total freek one day at clinc... ellis dressed in next, tommee tippee bottles and silver cross pram (coz i could afford it back then) im sat talking to ther mummies in clinc and then my friend comes thru the door with her friend and says "look its lou my single mummy friend" both the other mummy's turned away from me... i was so angry and upset... it doesnt matter that im not different to them its the fact im on my own...

Ive decided there isnt anything as "the happy family" i just need to sit and listen to my friends and look around me... makes me wonder if i want to be with a man... dont feel like being let down, lied to and disrespceted...

Im all up for the single mummy club... thought of setting one up in my village but i just dont have the time...

Gingerbread have been going for years and years........but then.....its not really part of our life plan to set out to be single parents so its not like any of us research the lifestyle prior to conception.....the way we do schools and nurseries etc after giving birth......

Kibs...I know the person you are posting about......she is a tad busy these days.......just had her 34 th birthday bash at skanky nancy's at the same time as her daughters Chardonnays 21st, her grandaughter......Blossom Hill's.......6th birthday and her step dads, step sisters, MiL's, BIL's, mates next door neighbours uncle's mothers's sons, wifes cats triplets christening.......

And as for YOU....Kaki.......I do frequently look down on you.....and very often, if not more so look up to you......depending greatly on whether I post after or before as in up or down....but never morally.......xxxxxxxxxxx

I think its a great idea. I'd never heard of gingerbread before using this forum and tbh I've not found a group or heard of anything round me, so more groups would be great.  And not just during the day when I have to work!! A weekend am or pm would be perfect.

As for ppl's attitudes, oh my god who do ppl think they are, even my so called closest friends do it. Its the 'it'll never happen to me' attitude and then like someone else said they all talk about their partners/husbands, marriage or the next child as if their life is amazing.  In my current job we are expected to do late shifts and the married mums argue that their husbands can't look after the kids so they refuse to work them...but I'm expected to be able to do it because the ex could have her or my parents lol. so glad I'm leaving.

I don't care what others say...I'm proud of being a single parent ! Obviously in an ideal world it'd be me,their dad and the boys all happy together but its not an ideal world . I know I have the support of their dad but tbh I am doing the majority of the childcare on my own....he only has them one afternoon a week ! I also feel proud of myself that I've learnt to stand on my own two feet, I'm back in control of the money side of things ,I work part-time,I run a car and I have 3 lovely kids ......I just happen to be on my own ....if people look down their noses at me for that then thats their problem!

Ooh, get me!! Must get down from my high horse,lol.

It'd be nice to go to groups for people in my situation....'cos I know what you mean about the ones who brag about their wonderful husbands. 

Some people don't accept that just maybe you're not a single mum by choice... I wish I had the "happy families" situation but I don't and I am trying to make the best of it. There is certainly the attitude that you are uneducated and unemployed... I'm working full time and highly educated, just made a very bad mistake in choice of partner and DD is suffering because of it. I used to judge the world as if everyone lived by my standard and morals... I was very wrong.

I would love to be in a group where people accepted DD and me for who we are. Unfortunately my time with her is so limited I can't. I treasure every moment with her because they are each and every one wonderful... yes even when she's being a little monkey

Good luck if you do start a group

Some people don't accept that just maybe you're not a single mum by choice... I wish I had the "happy families" situation but I don't and I am trying to make the best of it. There is certainly the attitude that you are uneducated and unemployed... I'm working full time and highly educated, just made a very bad mistake in choice of partner and DD is suffering because of it. I used to judge the world as if everyone lived by my standard and morals... I was very wrong.

I would love to be in a group where people accepted DD and me for who we are. Unfortunately my time with her is so limited I can. I treasure every moment with her because they are each and every one wonderful... yes even when she's being a little monkey

Good luck if you do start a group

I've seen people with that attitude on here, but never experienced it in real life.  In fact, a lot of things I've seen on here I'd never seen until I was on here, but I grew up sheltered in another country with everything provided for us, I never realised what real life was like until I had kids.  It's pretty shocking that people look down on single parents, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in life.  Sometimes I look back at my life before kids where I could work without any hassle, go out and do as I pleased and spend all my money on myself and feel a bit wistful.

It does happen quiet a bit. Think its because when you hear about a single parent, it is also followed by 50 millions kids, by 50 million dads, mum has never worked a day. Instead sits on her arsé all day watching Jeremy Kyle, smoking loads of fags. when not doing this she is either calling out Chardnaaayyyy, Chlamydia or Rothmann out of the window at all times of the day. Come Friday, she gets rid of the herd and goes out on the lash for the weekend, where inevitably she shágs anything that moves. So come Monday, if she can be arséd to, depending on if she is feeling a bit skint, might go and get the MAP.........Story that whenever single mums are in the media or on tv, this is usually how they are portrayed, and this side always sticks in peoples minds.

Had a big discussion about it in a play group because people looking down their noses, and the snotty comments made.

But yea Gingerbread, and also, if any good, ask your health visitor. Also sure start, found their group has more people that you have something in common with.

Gingerbread run single parent groups all over.

I'm surprised you found people looked down on you as a single parent, people have always told me they couldn't manage on their own and that they looked up to other mums who had to.  Perhaps I am naive though, I don't always recognise when people are looking down on other people because I'm a bit of an idealist and like to think the best of people.

hey everyone....

i have been doing some looking around the interent and also asking people i know if they know of a good single parents group/club, that does days out, play times, activities etc etc

there are quite a few baby/toddlers clubs out there but not really anyones for single parents...

i joined 2baby/toddler clubs in my area but feel people look down on me as a single parent and would rather be in an enviroment where we are all in the same boat...got tired of women flashing round their wedding ring and boasting how great the dad is lol

i live in southeast london and would love to seize the opportunity to start up a Single Parent Club, i have a few ideas and lwould love to get some input from you all....

So feel free to drop some ideas........