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18/10/08 23:27
18/10/08 00:51
PMed you re: solicitor
17/10/08 20:05
that would be really helpful thanks. i am desperate for sum 1 decent to discuss things with.. xxxxxx
17/10/08 16:47
Sorry to hear about your situation, have you found a solicitor. I live on te Wirral so am close by to you and i work for a firm of solicitors who deal in family law. PM me if you like xx
15/10/08 14:23
yes maybe i do need a new solicitor.. any one in the liverpool area know a decent helpful one...
thanks again 4 your post they have all been very helpful x
14/10/08 19:45
should have been:
"I agree with TaC.... you should get a new solicitor"
14/10/08 19:44
I agree with TaC.... if you both have joint residency/PR and your ex decides NOT to bring baby back, unless you have a residency order the police will not get involved as he has the same legal rights as you. (Think I'm right on that anyhow from what past posts on here have said).
14/10/08 13:26
they also said that courts wont get involved now unless all communication has broken down. because they believe parents should be grown up enough to sort things out between them selves
i think you should see a different solicitor hun?
14/10/08 12:50
i went to the solicitors they told me i wont get residency.
they also said that courts wont get involved now unless all communication has broken down. because they believe parents should be grown up enough to sort things out between them selves.
i asked if we did come to an agrrement is there anything which offers me peace of mind that he will actually bring my son back when he says he will. she said even if you get it put in writing its not a legal document just a written agreement between the 2 of us.
she said if you do decided to go to court in the future it will take about 12 months before anything gets sorted..
9/10/08 19:25
yes he did exactly that. he said what are you doing on that anway? and i am like hello you idiot that isn't really the point! like i am to blaim for this mess because i found out. lol x i am nearly over it anyway.
but yes he is leaving me alone for a couple of weeks so i can sort my head out.
9/10/08 18:56
Sorry to hear your situation, mine was very similar. Did he turn round and make out you were the one in the wrong for snooping rather than him for cheating? Men. Don't rush into making decisions because you're probably full of anger and hurt right now, but I agree with a previous poster. Keep things as amicable as possible because it helps in the longterm. Shame we can't chop their bits off eh.
9/10/08 16:46
thats something to think about too, thanks x
everythings so complicated i live in liverpool and he lives on the wirral, so the distances puts me off too. as i dont have a car if anything goes wrong while my baby is there. obviously i would pay for a taxi. i dont care about money, the only thing i care about right now is my son. and i know he needs his dad in his life, its just going to take a while to come to an agreement on things.
i don't really want him to take my child knowing he will be hysterical, and i am working on it, going to put him in nursery an hour a day and then progress from there, so he gets used to being apart from me.
he hasn't been away from me for more than 3 hours since he was born too. xx
8/10/08 22:14
then you have 2 options... either let him try & you're then bargaining on him NOT wanting a distraught child so not asking again,
or outright refuse and if he tries to take it to court then you can tell them (via solicitor) that you feel your child is too young for routine etc to be disrupted in this way and that still bfing at night. I have heard that occasionally judges can be dismissive of it but Bfing is a very strong bargaining tool, esp if a child is udner 2yo as you can quote government guidelines at them, and WHO ones too (though in both cases these say BF until AT LEAST 2yo). There are some cases where courts force overnight access for under 5yo but many mums continue to argue against it & win, and many fathers give up before whole process anyway - my ex TOLD me he was having DS overnight during summer holidays (was 2.5 then), i said hadn't thought he wanted overnight cos 2 days before getting his own 2bed place (thus potentially suitable for having DS overnight which where he was prev living wasn't) he'd "babysat" & refused to put DS to bed. He said fine then but I'm not doing you any favours (obv he views looking after his own child(ren) for one evening etc as a favour but somehow doesn't see me looking after them 99% of time as me doing him a favour....). Even if ex takes it to court though that would still buy you a few more months before even appeared before a judge.
8/10/08 15:26
his mum and i fell out a couple of months ago. and his dad works abroad. my ex has agreed to leave me alone for a couple of weeks, and then we can sort out access.
the other thing is my baby still has night time breast feeds off me. and a bottle will not settle him. i left him with my mum the other day to pack. i had to return less than an hour later to a hysterical child.
8/10/08 08:59
It is quite possible with the child been 14 months old that he could get overnight access. So long as he has a suitable place for them to stay this doesnt mean they need their own bedroom just their own bed
7/10/08 23:43
would df get over night access? my lo is 14 months old???? please help xx
7/10/08 21:17
When my cheating ex left I agreed he could see my girls two hours on a Saturday. When he pushed for more time I was honest and said that they were use to being with me 24/7 and if that they may get upset being away from me for too long. Gradually each week we will make it an hour longer and when, eventually, he does have them for the day I will say it can only be at his mother's house.
Do your ex have a parent/sister that is supportive to you. Maybe they could get involved when your baby is seen.
7/10/08 10:23
thats geat thats exactly what i meant thats so helpful. he wanted the baby to stay overnight but my sons very clingy so i i dont have to for a while thats great your a life saver.
7/10/08 10:17
so what you mean is you want residence (baby to live with you) and for him to have daytime contact? that shouldn't be a problem, if you can both agree you don't even need solicitors (though if you think he might refuse to give baby back then a residence order saying baby lives with you may reassure you). A court would be unlikely to force you to allow overnight contact at this age & with his drug-taking, and they only remove residence from mothers generally where mother is judged to be unfit, so can't see that being an issue
7/10/08 08:43
hi i dont want revenge and i will allow him to see the baby weekends wich we agreed. the problem is he smokes alot of weed. and hangs round with people who i don't think are appropriate to be round my son, as they are into drugs too. i just want to ensure my son will be in a safe enviroment when he does visit.
thanks thats great.
i am actually going to meet my ex on mon or tue of next week haven't seen him for 2 weeks, since all this kicked off, i have texted him saying we can meet up intown and discuss options but if he start getting nasty i will speak to him through a mediator.
i am actually feeling alot better and i am nearly over that idiot and have had a few offers for taking me out, which is nice because us women know u can do with a good confidence boost...... xxxx