Hun you got to sit and ask yourself "can i live the rest of mylife like this?" if you cant you got to be strong and tell him where togo and leave you be and let your daughter be happy...

Your clearly suffering from a numpty dad... sounds to me like your doing a great job but like jules said i wouldnt hide it from her... you've done what you think is best now let her see that its not mummy its daddy... its better she starts to build a picture of it now than being hit with it later...

Last time I made the mistake of telling ex that I was going out on an evening he was scheduled to have dd, he 'suddenly' had a reason he had to go home as soon as I came home from work thus scuppering my night out.  Now I check that he is sticking to his child care agreement before saying 'Oh that's good as I am going out.'  It's worked well so far !!

I wouldn't hide the fact he's a twit! Why should you? I've always said that obviously I wouldn't sit and abuse the crap out of my sons dad but I wouldn't hide the facts of what he has done to us both.

She'll find out for herself what a nóbjockey he is in her own time, rather ease her into it than suddenly WOW my dad is a díck haha....don't hide it just don't sit and say to her that he's a díck (not that you would lol)

I wouldnt mind but my day had come & I was stupid enough to trust another one!!!

i'm 18 years in & now, 5 kids, on third dad (with 9 week old baby) & i still dont know how to handle their total selfish, self centred,  w***erish-ness. i cannot understand why they reckon they want kids so badly, and with it being the third time round i've listened to them s*** off my other exes for being useless & they go & behave the same if not worse. what is wrong with them!!!!????

im only 6 months in and feel like this already!!  got dd's dad coming every night for 2 hours then have to see him at weekend to, he spins out crap about how bad things are for him and woe is me - erm hello shut up!!  you are meant to be seeing your daughter not spilling your gut to me over a brew, i might start charging him i feel like a councellor!!

sorry for that, althoiught gotta say that feels better!

i agree i have just start college part time(put it on hold for 3 yrs for lo) and its nice to be seen as who i am and not just ur so and so's mummy dont get me wrong my lo is the world to me but we all have to have a break and to mingle with other adults to keep sane

I wont start babbling 'cause when I start I dont stop lol but totally agree with this post !! why cant us single mums have lives ... OUR own lives, the part of our life which doesnt involve our beautiful children .. the part where we actually become human & not robot mum lol oh & when will it be that people actually understand that we are not just mums ?! LOL i look forward to that day

I am feeling this way too, I have spent more than 3 years putting ds first whilst his dad has had best of both worlds, i was too frightened to even think about making time for me then recently I met an amazing guy. Now you would think people would be happy for me but hell no if you are a single mum you cannot possibly have a life of your own. My main obstacle is not ds dad (as he doesnt know about my new relationship yet but my own dad who is an absolute pig at times and this is one of those times. He thinks all women should be tied to the kitchen sink i reckon. Hugs to you all xxx

lol, the last time my mother asked how i was feeling was when i was in labour!!!  doesn't matter if my head was hanging off she probably wouldn't notice.... yet all day everyday all i get from her is "i've got a stomach ache"... "i've got a headache".... "i've got a cough".... lol just wanna scream "so stop f***ing smoking and have a crap" at times.

ur getting no backlash here hun - just understanding x

I'm fed up of being told I can't regret times with my ex "because you wouldn't have your daughter"...its not her I regret its him!!

I'm fed up of other people's attitudes towards me. At the baby group the other day I felt like a spare part while they all talked husbands and next babies. My single mates think I can't go out because I won't have a baysitter and my married friends have all pulled away as if i'm contagious lol. Friends eh.

I'm fed up of my ex treating my daughter as a pet, like others have said its a chore for them to have the kids.  He acts like he's doing me a favour having her so I can go out, and same as last poster when he has time off work its for him to have on his own, but my days off I want to spend every second with her.  He has every friday afternoon off and hasn't had his daughter once! But he's had many women in this time.

And I'm fed up of being the only one to sort things out for her.  I'm trying to sort a nursery for when I go fulltime next month and while everyone wants her on certain days, they can't say which and expect me to ferry her around...when i'll be at work?! 

And most of all I'm fed up of living with my ex in some kind of messed up limbo.  Sigh lol.

My ex wont even have dd for a weekend! He refuses to have her on a Friday or Saturday night so I could go out. He always says he is too busy. He had a long weekend off work last month and I asked if he wanted some time with dd, his reply - too busy! Aaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhh! Sorry op, didnt mean to hijack your post, your rant just inspired me to have a little one of my own!

Me too, my mum thought it was terrible when i told her i needed me time! Single parenting is hard and we all need time to ourselves!!!!

You are certainly not alone.

Some days I want to sit and scream WHAT ABOUT ME!

It's not selfish.

its normal to feel like that... you just need to start asserting your independance as much as u can. i wouldnt hide the crappy calls but i would sheild her from the brunt of them... she will find out in her own time what a shít he is.....

oh yeah im feeling exactly like that today too  - must be something in the air

Ok im going to have a selfish self indulgent rant now because im sick to death of being told what to do.

Anyone else fed up with being told to continually "think of the kids" and "your feelings don't matter it's the kids that matter most in all this"? Or just me? Am i being selfish for being sick to death of being told for nearly 3 years to "put dd first and ignore how you feel" because im farking sick of it now.

Of course dd is number 1 and yes i do put her above everything else but there comes a point where i can't do that because ive been hurt so badly i don't want to hide her from it any more. I want her to see what an arse her dad is. I want her to see the reality of whats going on. I want to be able to have a sodding phone call and not have to either hide in another room or ask them to call back when she's in bed so she doesn't hear.

Im sick and tired of her seeing her dad as some kind of wunderkind when he just isn't!

And most of all im sick and tired of the fact that he's moved on to the point where ive heard rumours he's engaged to the schoolgirl and yet ive not been allowed to move on because im stuck bringing up baby, being the good little mummy towing the party line, shielding her from the shít he kicks up, being made to stay in night after sodding night to look after the child HE wanted and now can't bring himself to be alone with for one sodding weekend a friking fortnight and AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH im sick and tired of being told "she comes first"

WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!