Feeling really bloody useless.no money for baby :(
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- Feeling really bloody useless.no money for baby :(
1/10/08 09:33
1/10/08 01:57
Tara i really do think your harsh,from the age of 16 i worked full time paid my national insurance contributions for 4 years i had a very well paid job and got no help from benefits.I fell pregnant with my son at 20,I left my job because i strongly feel that i dont want to miss out on looking after my son and watching him grow .yes i claim benefits but i believe i have worked for them as i hav paid my contributions.my son also has additional needs so i have a big part to play in helping him develop and thrive.we live in a private let yet out of my benefits i have to pay £70 for rent and £40 per month council tax which is alot considering being on benefits.Im 12 weeks pregnant and i plan to stay at home also until this child is of school age.What im basically saying is why shouldnt mums have the choice to stay at home and look after there children even if they have to claim benefits in order to do this.i would rather stay at home with my children and help in every aspect of there care and development than put my children in a nursery for 8 odd hours a day so i can go to work.i am not slating mothers who work as some people have a mortgage etc to pay for but this is just my view.
28/9/08 23:00
not gonna make any comments on all the other posts, think enough has been said already!
me and my partner (who earns a good wage) spent lots on our first lo. £400 pushchair loads of clothes/toys and everything possible really. now i see how rediculous that was. having my second now and we have decided to buy as much as we can second hand and we are having most things donated to us by family friends. i am going to spend as little as possible. when i was pregnant the first time as silly as it sounds i thought that buying loads for the baby showed how much i cared...i love this next baby just as much but it will be living in cheep/free (but nice) stuff. they grow out of things so quickly.
the £££ we speant didn't make any difference to the baby at 3 in the morning when all she wanted was a cuddle!!
i honestly dont think it matters wheather you speand lots on your baby or not...a baby need cuddles and care and love, it does need the essentials but not alot and i wouldn't be worried about not speanding much.
a midwife once said to me a happy mum makes a happy baby. bare that in mind ignore judgements from people who will put you down. support you baby the best way you can and love it as much love as possible.
hope your pregnancy is going well and your feeling better.
becky
27/9/08 22:58
just wanted 2 say iwas in same position with my 4 yr old n it was really hard, was with a usless bloke n had nothing when we got the worst cheapest place 2 live,felt awfull as we had no heating or anything, luckily i split up with him and after a couple of yrs on my own have just brought house with lovely man and expecting second baby, still not rich in no way, but things do get better and it makes u stronger, im so proud how i coped and u will be one day, x
26/9/08 13:36
can i just say its very wrong to say if u on dole u lazy. i've been a single mum since my dd was 4 months old but when she was 5 months i went back to work full time putting her into nursery. however when she was 18months her nursery shut down. i found another one but then my tax credits decided they over paid me and wern't gonna give me no more money so i couldn't pay for her nursery and without childcare i couldn't work so i had to give it up witch borke my heart as i loved my job and i went on income support when dd was 2. i am now preg again but not living wit the dad and will continue to be on income support but i'm far from lazy as i'm using my time at home to study for a degree with the open university so when this little one is off to school i can go get a fabulous career without worrying bout childcare costs. but as my health visitor always tells me i paid my taxes so i'm only claiming what i'm entitled to. i think its very bad tarring everyone wit the same brush.
if people want to claim the benefits they are entitled to then they are welcome just as u r welcome to go to wrok if thats what u decide to do. and no-one should be badly judged for whatever their decision is as it is their decision no one elses and i'm sure everyone is just doing what they feel is best for themselves and their children.
26/9/08 11:05
i feel sick at reading some of these posts i really do.
i mean i get worried day in day out how im going to cope with my child.
i currently lost my job but non stop iv been loking for a new one
i have a temporary one at royal mail which is for a month i will only get 1000 pound for the month
i have no intention whatso ever about going on the s***ty f***ing dole.
i made my bed and now i have to lie in it
thers peoples money is just an easy way out
23/9/08 13:43
what i'm trying to say is...although yes us young girls may have "f***ed up" and yes we are a bit stupid for getting pregnant so young, not all of us are bad. yes i am one of them, and i hate the girls who are: a) pregnant b) claiming dole c) not doing anything to try and sort themselves out because they are simply too lazy, they don't actually have a reason d) don't actually give a s*** and boy do they let you know.
we are not all like that, we share similar views on those types of girls, so please don't pool us all together as the stereotypical young pregnant teens.
some of us want to be given an opportunity to rectify what we have done, but we ourselves need to be given a chance. a second chance, is all we need. if you aren't willing to give us the time of day, how do you expect us to better ourselves for the future?
23/9/08 13:42
my parents had me when they were 18. they both came from poor backgrounds and never had two pennies to rub together. my mother got kicked out of her home and had to stay in a hostel for a while, she carried on at college and so did my dad. he stayed at home with his parents, worked two jobs as well as studying and eventually saved enough to pay rent on a one bed flat in a high rise in the worst area of the town.
my mom had me and shortly after, my dad was arrested...for assaulting a guy who kept harrasing my mother. my dad served a short sentence, but not before moving me and my mum out of the flat...
we had no money and i have only two or three memories of seeing my father when i was little...because he was never at home, always out working. my mother achieved top grades at college and went on to study an it degree at uni. my father started his estate agency and studied for a business studies degree at the same time. they both achieved first class honors degrees, my mother having my first little sister in the middle of her first year exams, and my second during her final exams!
they have never claimed a penny from the state. my little sisters now go to private school, they live in a lovely big house in the countryside and my dad has just brought a porsche. (please read the rest before you assume i am bragging...i'm not)
i have worked at my dads estate agents since he started it. i went in when i was very young and did simple jobs such as filing and photocopying. i worked every saturday and every day in the school holidays. i still work there now when he needs help. i am not afraid of hard work. during school holidays, i remember when i was 14 when we moved office into the town centre, me and my dad would work non stop all day, from 8am all day without a lunch break, sometimes not leaving the office until 1am on a sunday morning...when the rest of the staff had left at 2pm closing time on the saturday! we are not afraid of hard work.
however when people see what we have, they give us bad looks and say nasty things; they b*** and are jealous...they can't imagine how hard we work, they don't believe it...because they don't have the drive to do it themselves...my dads extended family used to b*** about what he has done, and how he did it in the wrong way...and now ten years later, they have bitten their tongue, their kids have gone and f***ed up in some way or other and now they realise and respect how hard my parents have worked to rectify their "mistake".
my parents have worked damn hard for every penny they have for the last 20 years. why shouldn't they enjoy what they have now?
now i am pregnant at 19 and i am getting the same filthy looks my mother did when she had me. my little one wasn't planned and my parents all my life have tried to stop the same thing happening to me, so i don't have to struggle like they have had to. but its meant to be...and so it will be.
i am not going to claim benefits, i have been unable to work, as my pregnancy has been horrid, suffered from hyperemesis from the very beginning. although its bearable now most of the time so now i go and help my dad, as noone will employ me. i'm 19 but look about 15...coupled with a growing baby bump doesn't make a great first impression on potential employers....i don't get paid much at my dads place and it means i don't get to see my husband ( we got married when we found out i was expecting) for a few days as i have to travel back up to my parents, but it does mean i will be able to get nappies etc for the baby. same applies to my husband whose parents have a similar story to mine. he is due to start a degree at oxford uni in 2 weeks...he is currently at work... which at the moment is a building site, clearing dust up after the builders.
what i'm trying to say is...although yes us young girls may have
21/9/08 07:49
wel id just like to say.... i totally agree that your baby needs love and care... there not gonna know if uve bought th emost fancyest pushchair or the fancyest clothes are they.. there not botherd at this age...
baby needs family love and care....
my dd is 10 months now.. my partner works fulltime.. we are private renting and all our money is going to put a roof over our head.. its hard work yup.. and mayb i did get pregnant wrong 16 had her at 17 and im now 18....
but things happen
i was also on the pill but not much u can do!
19/9/08 19:39
i honestly have to say im actually disgusted at some of the posts i really am!
some peoples situations are completly different others.. and i don think by some snotty sperson comin on here to put others down is a gud thing 2 do!!
i fell pregnant at 15 and yes i did claim benefits for half a year cuz i didnt have a bean to rub together!!
i now at the age of 19 have brought my own 3 bedroom house in an excellent area, my partner is a tenical enginer for british gas and i am a retail manager im now 19 yrs old and pregnant with my second child which was a planned baby just like the first so just for others you may start out with nothing just like me but must also have the will power to get off benefits cuz its such an easy lifestyle to have and i no this but even bein on benefits you cnt have many luxurys as you hardly get anything!!
dont listen to critism because hopefully one day things will work out for the best just as they have done for me x
19/9/08 16:53
just had to have a say i am 20 years old and me and my boyfriend have recently had to give up our rented flat to move in with my parents to try and save money and pay off debts before the baby comes,, i am not working and my boyfriend works full time i feel s*** everytime i have to ask my boyfriend or my mum for a little money if i need something my boyfriend tells me not to be silly and just take but i wud love to have my own money and buy things whenever i want them!! our baby wasnt planned , i was on the pill , it didnt work,, i dont want to have to try and claim some sort of benefits we are going to have to to be able to survive!! we would love a place of our own again but prices are stupid council have said mums has plenty of room for us !! i would love for them to live in one bedroom with a baby and all three of our things and then share 1 bathroom and kitchen with others!!! good luck to every1 ignore any comments that are bad all that matters is you all love and care for ur baby's wheather you have new or old your child will know you love them xxxxxxxxxxxx
29/7/08 13:38
tarawoo ur r so rude you dont know this person and ur so critical you never know when something like this mite happen to YOU!!
I was a single mum with my first and young i had to give up work because i had problems in my pregnacy and found it quiet hard to survive anyform of benfits!!I strugled to buy things and my babys farther never helped but i struggles through and become hopeless etc and that was very difficult with a newborn baby just cus my parents divorced and i was 18 so we had know home for 6months of my daughters life and that aint gud!!I was one of those as you put taking thoses tax payers money but i was alos at college at the same time trying to better my education for my daughters sake!!!
i am know pregnant with my second!!I'm not working does that make me a bad mother or a scrouanger!!! I did work but as my daughter got diagnoised with leukemia in march i had to stop to take care of her!!! We still recieve some part of benfits as my daughters illness but my husband works!!
You dont know everybody circumstances and you shouldn't be so critical of them as each indivual has there on reasons for not working or if this poor girl did try and get a job 9 times out of 10 she would get turned away for being pregnant any way!!!
This girl just wants help and some advice and you critize her and make her feel even more low in such a difficult time!!Thats just damn right rude and bad manners if you hadn't got anything helpful to say to this young girl then you shouldn't say anything at all!!
Next time try to be abit more surportive as you never know one day you might find yourself in a very similar situation!!!
29/7/08 13:19
tarawoo you are so rude.not everybody is the same.and besides people come on here for support not abuse.
29/7/08 12:51
x
27/7/08 12:18
oh someone sed no employer will take on a pregnant girl, i told asda i was pregnant and they still took me on lol this was b4 i had the job , i didnt get maternity pay from them but i had time to save
27/7/08 12:15
THIS IS FOR TARAWARAWOO
I Think your messages are a bit blunt. im 20 live in a council property coz i was homeless, my bf works full time i dont work but im employed by asda but didnt get any money from them coz i wernt there long enuff,
b4 i had this baby i had a misscarraige 2 years ago which made me want a baby and nothing was going to stop me, oh and im 4 months preg again which i admit wasnt a right timing but id love this baby all the same.
Who buisness is it of yours to tell people or even ask if the've heard of contraception.
people get the wrong idea of me but i dont drink, dont swear,dont take drugs or spend money on myself, my baby comes first always,just coz sum of us are young and live in a council flat make u no way better then us!!!!!!!!
27/7/08 12:04
Hey i hope this makes you feel a bit better.
Just think most of us are in the same boat on here... Im only 20 and have a little girl of 8 months and im 4 months pregnant,my partner lost his job as he was self employed and the building trade has gone right down. i dont work and dont get much help because of what he was earning.
i try to get a little something every week when i go shopping, i look for bogof offers or sale items coz theres sales everywhere at the mo. so i might get 1 pack of nappies or baby shampoo,or a pack of vest which are £3 in tesco so it dont make a big affect on my budget.
Im not here for sympathy im just trying to say its not all bad, no one will ever see you without, no matter how crap our government is lol.
my parnter worries but i just say ''smile'' if you walk around with a smile u seem to forget the bad stuff... so if u see some crazy bird in tesco smiling to herself...thats me lol,.
gem xxx
25/7/08 16:33
***think people are on here looking for friendship advice and reasurance not to have a slanging match
25/7/08 16:28
first of all id like to say
to supermup-
if you are under 19 you can go to your local connexions centre and they are unbelievable helpful i found thier advice brilliant and they will be able to tell you about all sorts of things you will be entitled to or help you could get and you would be surprised there are so many different things aimed at different people
so good luck hun an wether your baby has the best designer stuff or second hand like most other people have said you obviously already care a great deal for your baby and thats all thats going to matter to them ... as long as you do your best for them then no one can think bad of you!.. and think bak can you even remember your cot or pushchair cause i cant so what does it matter if its second hand or designer its not important to the little one iv also found searcing the web for freebies can help joining pampers and similar sites is a good idea as they send you free samples and coupons to help with costs also considering breast feeding could help any money worries your having as not only is it great for your babys health but it cuts out costly formula and terry nappies (washable nappies) is also something else im looking into as nappies can be very expensive too hope thats of some use to you to sucre -
i've been told i cant claim any thing till im 29 weeks but you can go to the job centre or citizens advice burea and they can help you with all that stuff
to tarawarawoo-
while i do agree with some of your opinions i think you need to keep them to your self you dont know the mums on here and im sure they all just want the best for their little ones and it is their decision how many they have although i agree other people shouldnt have to pay for them but some times these things happen and you have to make do.
personally i am 18 due october 20th and will be 19 by then i was finishing a two year college course when i found out i was expecting it was a huge suprise and not planned but i still hope to carry on with my plans to open my own business although this will mean that i too shall be on benifits, hopefully only for a short while, it just depends how long it takes to get myself up and running but if the help is there then i like other people will use it that is after all what it is there for! i dont agree with people abusing the system which is why i shall only be using the help i need i have been told im entitled to a house and income support and a maternity grant as well as child tax credit but while i will need all the money and make no doubt i will be taking these benefits i wont take the house as my mum is willing for me to stay at home till i can sort myself out, who knows maybe in the future i will regret this but thats my decision for now and saying people should get money out of the babys father isnt productive im sure if they can then they are my babys dad and i are still together but a baby is a huge strain on a relationship and while he is so excited about our little boys impending arrival he doesnt have much money as he was on income support (not because he couldnt be bothered to work but because he was his disbled mothers fulltime carer, a truly lovely thing to do at the age of 21 i think and i admire him for it he didnt get much money for doing it!) he is now searching high and low for a job but nowhere seems to be interested even though he has some qualifications they seem uterly useless but i no we will be ok and every thing will sort its self out in the end benifits are there to help get people back on their feet not to support them for life and most people have more self respect than to plan their lives living off benefits i know i do and any body wishing to shove their opinions on my life in here dont bother i t
23/7/08 09:09
i wont be able to get any kind of maternity pay
dp works just over the limit to recieve tax creds so we are gonna struggle but have bought a few things off ebay and borrowed money from family members which is kind of them.......
hope your all enjoying your pregs
well i cant belive how bitter some people can be!!!!!
at the end of the day we are all mums.....
some people worked,some didnt,dont matter if we are on benfits or not!!!!!!
i worked for the first 18 months of my daufghters life,i went bk wen she was 6 weeks old,,and found that the hardest thing ever!i now dont work,and yes im on benfits onli because im a single mummy!,that doesnt make me a better mum or useless mum just cuz im on benfits but i see i have worked for them benfits!