Thank you for all the advice you have given me. I never thought about the computer i will have to encourage him to use it more im not sure about all the different things to go on so il google some.

The other thing is he is really good at football but he's even lost confidence in that. I am going to have to try a bit more one to one with him, i just find it so hard as he doesnt ever want to do anything other than play in the garden. It also isnt easy trying to get all 4 of them to sit down and do something to encourage ds to do things.

I will try talking to him about school and his friends just to see if there is any problem there.

He is in a split family but he does see his real dad whenever he can.

I will let you know how things go. Thanks again x

ps I am a strong believer in computer software.

my son started at 2 with Jump Ahead software and I strongly believe this helped with his vast knowledge now.  He was able to sit quietly at the computer without anyone knowing what he could and couldnt do and work at tasks until he was happy, then, when he knew he was getting it right, would want to show me.

there are loads of software that are geared towards tv programmes as well. some are good, some are very good, some are appalling, so read the reviews on websites.

my son likes star wars, so, in addition to the private tutor, we bought a maths star wars pcd and he loves it. it starts off at basics, +- then builds up gradually as they get the answers right.  a lot of pcds are fun games so children interact without feeling they are learning.

we have computer games that cover all sorts of topics - he is much happier working on a computer than having to write anything down.  even ds teacher has told me to get him to write stories ont he computer to learn about punctuation because he wont write!

heidih

I dont know much about older children, but my first thought is to work on what he is good at and build up his confidence in that area.

whether its sports, drawing or drama. think about his strengths and use that. 

he might not be a superstar in anything, but you can work on any area that he shows potential.   Have a look at all the clubs around, holiday programmes etc and find something that he hasnt done before that you think he might enjoy. 

Sometimes a new scenery away from people he knows can help because people dont have any preconceived ideas and he might be encouraged by this.

I found my sons confidence increased by going to out of school activities.  eg, Enjoy a ball was excellent - it encouraged team work, self discipline, how to throw/catch/bounce/kick balls.  He hates sports but really enjoyed this.  Have a look at your local sports centre and see what there is.  I think that once confidence in themselves grows in one area, it feeds across into the school stuff.

with regards to school, my son was more than capable, but a new school, different teaching methods and lower expectations, meant that my sons confidence fell through the floor.  it was as if everything he has been taught for the last few years was wrong and he felt he had wasted his time, and therefore, didnt want to start again.

we have overcome this by sending him to an external tutor who uses computer software and provides one to one tuition for an hour a week, and the change has been phenonemal.

at school, it could be he finds the work boring and therefore doesnt want to do it. it might be the way the teacher speaks to him, he might want to do the work his peers are doing and not the work he is capable of.  it could be he is getting a hard time off other kids because of the level he is at.  (I am experiencing the issues you mentioned with a boy I help in class who is underachieving, but wants to do what the rest of the class is doing and not work at his target level, so he is really uninterested and spends all the time trying to see what the rest of the class is doing).

Are you able to help him at home with the subjects he struggles with, building exercises into home activities, ie weights/measurements in cooking, make up story books with photos and ask him to put comments next to them, sort out your cds into alphabetical order.   there are lots of projects on the internet to help with learning at home, but the child doesnt realise this because its built into home activities.

Dont know if this is any use to you, but I have found that change of scenery is probably the best avenue to look at to improve confidence. I think once its sunk at school its hard to pull it back up.

How do his friends treat him? as an equal or the one to insult all the time? make sure you are aware of his social surroundings and make sure its not his friends that are demotivating him as well.

must go, son shouting,

good luck, heidih

My ds who will be 10 in september is having a really bad time at the mo.

He has learning difficulties and he isnt doing that well at school hes working at level 2b and 2a.

His teacher is finding it very hard to get him to do his work as all he says is i cant do it im rubbish.

They are trying to encourage him by doing a good news book but to be honest i dont know if its helping.

I have to fill the book in at home as well but i dont really have anything to writs in it as everything is a big struggle to get him to do anything.

He is so stroppy, i find him very difficult. I ask him to do something and its shoulders down stomp and oh i dont want to. This goes on for a good ten minutes then i end up loosing my rag and i shout at him ( i know i shouldnt) Ive got a headache from his stroppy behaviour he has just had!

He has been referred to see someone from CAMS (?) but mean while how can i deal with him??????

Any advice would be greatly appreciated