Hi not sure if this will work as your son is older but my daughter attends a montessori nursery and they make the kids do fun things that make them use their fingers in the way they would hold a pen making it easier when they start writing for example they have peas in one bowl and they have to pick them up one by one counting them and puting them in another bowl. 

Maybe if you stop telling him to hold his pen the right way but get him used to using his finger that way and make it fun and then slowly bring in the use of the pen but keeping his fingers the same but again without telling him how to hold his pen. 

Kids love disobeying at that age so make it out to be his idea to try and use his pen in that way then there are no tears and you may get the result you want.

Hope this helps

the writing bit has deteriorated because he was taught cursive from 4 and at 7 has moved to a school that only uses print and has discouraged my child to continue to write the way he was taught

so now his is confused between the two styles, the school wont guide him on how to write, just that he is supposed to know and he wont allow me to show him. ive tried believe me. ive bought books for him to copy but hes not interested.

its only this last week i learnt that his arm aches which is why he wont write.

i think its an ongoing battle

Often writing does get messier around the age of your son.  It's becuase the children start learning cursive lettering and focus on the new structure and forget everything else.

Have you tried explaining why it's important to hold the pen correctly to your son?  I really don't know what else to suggest apart from bribery, I am going through something similar with my daughter regarding the structuring of her letters (which she did correctly at 4 ).  Good luck.

thanks, Ive tried the pens from smiths but my son didnt like them. i bought both the large and smaller ones.  he just thinks Im nagging him and its become a battle so now he deliberately wont hold his pens properly.  he now also holds his cutlery wrong.

i have spoken to his teachers on many occasions, and was told "he will grow out of it".  however, i now see adults doing what he does so know he wont grow out of it.

he just doesnt understand why its so important.  we have had lots of tears today because his homework needed him to do some neat handwriting, using capitals and punctuation etc and it was a mess, so I ask him to write it - again, then again.  As it was impossible tosee the capitals in the right places the teacher should mark it wrong, but I dont want him to get his homework wrong because its how he writes. he insists on capital P and capital T in everything and the lower case letters are now larger than his capitals.  twelve months ago, when doing cursive, his writing was good.

we have lots of tantrums and he wont do anything that involves writing.  I have compared his current writing to when he was 4, and his writing at 4 was neater.

His school doesnt focus on writing (ITS Not a priority in NZ) so they wont support me, they just imply Im a whinging Brit who should be happy with complacancy and if he writes scruffy and cant be bothered, then so what, who cares. they dont.

I appreciate your comments, people keep saying it will improve over time, but his writing is worse and getting worse. 

Heidi, try getting a special pen from WHSmiths, they have some really interestingly shapped pens now which may suit his grip better.  Also you mention he is left handed does he slant the paper so he can see it?  His grip is important as when he gets older and is required to do more writting his hand will hurt him quicker than if he is holding the pen correctly, it also isn't good for his posture to be sitting incorrectly.  If the school is unable to help him can you do daily excersises with rewards to help reinforce correct grip?

Hi - I have tried to get him to use the triangle, but he deliberately holds it the way he is holding a pencil.  he is also twisting his hand around his writing - this is getting more noticeable. 

His writing has just got worse and worse, and he just wont write.  his teacher has told me to get him to type at home, just to keep up with getting the content right, but this isnt helping his writing. 

I had not realised that by writing he is sufferng with pains in his arms.  I have tried to duplicate what he does and my arm hurts too.   He now wont hold his knife and fork properly either.

again, both of these he was fine with when he was younger.  he is 7 now

heidih

i have tried to get him to practice his writing, but he is at his third school and third method of handwriting so he is confused but wont let me or his teacher help him do one way

I don't hold a pen correctly!!  I use the the thumb & 2 fingers & rest the pen on my 3rd finger.  This is comfortable for me, if I do it correctly the thumb & one finger, resting the pen on the 2nd finger this actually makes my hand ache.  I don't know whether it's to do with me having small fingers or lax joints?!!!

I don't really know what to suggest, perhaps gently reminding him.  Or letting him test it out by getting him to do 2 drawings one holding it the way he does & one correctly to try & show him that it'll stop his arm/wrist/hand from hurting!!

It's difficult isn't it as all children are different!!

Hope you get it sorted out x

Since my son started school, his way of holding a pen has changed and he looks really weird.  he held a pen properly until he was about 5 and then it changed.  Despite many discussions with him and his teacher, his pen grip has just got worse.

i have just had him doing some writing, and he is complaining his arm hurts, and at school, apart from his writing being absolutely awful, he writes as little as he can get away with, maybe writing half a page when the rest of the class write 2 or 3 pages.

I keep trying to show him how to hold a pen, and explaining that this is why his arm hurts, but he just gets angry at me.

I have also noticed that the majority of kids in his class do not hold their pens properly and wonder if this is something that teachers no longer correct?  I have also noticed that more and more adults hold their pens in a wierd way, twisting their hands round or holding their pens between their 2/3 fingers or 3/4 fingers.

Ive also noticed that its not just left handed people that do this.

In my case, how can I encourage my son to hold his pen properly.  His writing has deteriorated so much in the last year (he has had to go from cursive to print) and its all over the place.  He has tried pencil grips but doesnt like them and at home he refuses to write so I havent realised that he is having a problem with aching arms.  (he was doing homework and it wasnt a  lot of writing).

heidih