Well things havent got any better!

Both kids have kept saying they wanted to see each other after school, but I kept my ds away since my first posting. Tonight I thought time had passed and they would be ok so went round to visit my friend.

The two boys instantly started battling.  My son ended up in tears and hysterical.  He still says the other boy is really mean to him, thumps him, kicks him, bashes him etc, but the other boy says he doesnt do anything.

All this happens when they are out of sight so we dont know who is in the wrong, but its ended up causing friction because us parents, because I have seen how her son behaves when out of her sight (I help in school) but she wont accept her little darling can ever be int he wrong.

Now, she is saying that her son never has problems with any other boys and it must by my son with a problem, but we dont have problems with other kids either.

My dh says just stay away, but I really like the mum and she is the only person who has become a friend since I moved nto the area. 

Its really upsetting, I dont know what to do.  But we know we cant force the boys to like each other.  The biggest problem I feel is they both want to lead and be the dominant one, but neither will back down

heidih

ive had this with my cousin ds 1st day at school we walked together jack was excited running about so i had to tell him a few times came to some lights and 1 of the others pressed the button ds said he wanted to press the next so the 9 year old son did it totally out of spite so that was it ds got quite upset can be a bit of a tit but the other kid is 9 so ds started saying he didnt like the older boy some of the names the older boy came out with really arent repeatable the mom did tell him but only in a half hearted way we dont walk to school together now as i dont want ds getting upset and dont want to compromise our freindship the older boy is horrible his attitude his mouth is fowl i think he needs some tests i think he has some medial condtion but she wont find out the trouble is they run the streets and no means eventually yes if i moan kick hit and swear for long enough rant over

It sounds like her DD tells her things she doesn't want to hear lol.

I have a 10 year old like that, some times she's too truthful for her own good. It maybe she has what my mother had golden haired blue eyed boy syndrome, my stepdad could see his son was naughty I could but she couldn't.

Emma

Quite often, after school, her children and my son play together, and her dd said the other day that she really liked my son, and complemented on his fair way of playing.  he apparantly is good at sharing, and letting other children have a go.  she told me that she has seen her brother play with lots of his friends, and my son is the least volatile and plays nicely.

she then told her mum, who in turn accused her of stirring it up to get her brother into trouble.

i must admit i was disappointed with her reaction.  Her dd is 11.

I have decided not to let them play together for a while and see if a break does them good.

heidih

Have you ever had her DD over?

My DD can be a real pain as she is will full, but my 2 DS's can also be naughty, DS1 needs to learn to control his temper and DS2 is still learning to be a little boy rather than a toddler. But none of mine are prefect.

I think you maybe need to speak to her and tell her the truth that her son is not going to say he did it he will say what ever it takes to get out of trouble they all do. I have had to start punishing mine collectively if the real person who did it doesn't own up!

Maybe you could speak to your son and explain if they are getting into trouble it might be better that he does not play with him for a little while then he can't get the blame for things.

Emma

Ive got a new friend and we get on really well, and initially so did the kids

but over the last few weeks they fall out and have both now said they dont want to play with each other again

my son says he is constantly hitting and thumping him.  her son says my son makes things up to get him into trouble.  I do know that they both want to be in control and the leader all the time and this also causes friction, but we have never seen the violence, just the after effects

well yesterday, they were at our house and were sort of ok but still winding each other up.  my friends son came in with a toy, fully built and complete, and systematically broke it into pieces.  my friend was horrifield and told her son to apologise and he denied doing it.  we had both watched him and yet he wouldnt admit he had broken the toy.  he then said that my son said it was ok to break the toy into pieces (which he hadnt because we were there and watched him bring the toy into the room, my son was in a different room and didnt know)

she thinks he sun shines out of him and he never does anything wrong, and is constantly saying how good her son is, compared to her daughter - who cant do anything right!

i HAVE chosen not to say anything because I like her, and have decided to just see her without my son in tow.  We cant force our kids to be friends with our friends kids and its a shame.  But as time passes, he is getting more sneaky and irritating and I am starting not to like him. 

I dont know what my son does with him - i AM sure its not all onesided but of course I never see the bad side!

But I do feel sad about it because I know this is going to cause tension and problems between us, and she has been the only real friend I have made since arriving in NZ.  Ive met lots of people but I would call them acquaintances, this friend is someone who we both rely on each other

heidih