I need your help.......
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- TTC after losing a baby
- I need your help.......
11/8/08 11:58
11/8/08 11:47
Hi Hun, well you did say you were going to be like Dorothy and follow your yellow brick road! Sooo glad you are feeling a bit better, and really glad to see you are still here,
.Hope all goes well with the Colin Fry thing, think I would be too scared! my nan would come through just to have a right go at me for ttc again!!! she thought I was mad having three children!! bless her!
Hugs Sarahx
11/8/08 10:23
That's a promise I will keep!
Don't ever want to get that bad again!
Thanks Vanessa xxxx
11/8/08 09:41
Hey Lisa
glad that things are out in the open now and that you're feeling a lot better. As I said before we're all here for you anytime and I don't care whether it's to rant, cry or laugh hun. (I'm sure the other girls see it the same way.)
Glad that you're going to see Colin Fry and just let us know how you get on, won't you? I think it will help you along your way hun and I'm a firm believer in the "afterworld" too. Anyway I guess what I wanted to say all along is that it's good to see you more positive and upbeat but please promise us one thing ?! Don't bottle it up again!!
Love ya chick,
Vanessa xxx
11/8/08 08:09
girls, thank you all, everyone one of you have been a help.
i'm finally feeling a bit better, not 100% but almost there, we had words yesterday, this was after i stormed out the house with the car keys, i was like a spoilt american teenager (sorry to the yanks
) i came back and slumped on the bed, he came in and told me a few home truths i just lay listening, he was a little bit upset and angry 
i have just re-read the posts, and i think we should all join forces and approach the government for some dosh to help women who are going loopy, would save them so much money!
sazzy, i have to admit, when i read your 2nd post, i thought "f*** me, thought i was bad, what the hell is she on about" (the scarecrow bit) then it hit me! the wizard of oz is my all time fave lol
thanks again girls, you all really helped. my oh did point out during his "talk" that i talk to a bunch of strangers 1st, then won't "talk" to him. well, i don't see you as strangers, some of you are bloody strange, but not strangers!
have decided to do something for myself, as advised! i have booked to go and see colin fry with my sil, it's something i've wanted to do since my mum passed, but never had the guts to book, well i've booked it now
but haven't told my oh yet so will have to tell him today, the air will be blue lol ! i'm not going with expectations, but trust me, if (and i do believe there is) there is afterlife, and they can come back, i know my mum will be there, and my nan, just hope no-one hears my nan, my god, her language was worse than mine is now!anyway, i'm waffling, only wanted to say thank you.
lisa xxxxxxxx
10/8/08 18:14
Hi Lisa
Just sending you some loving thoughts and a top up hug. I am pleased to hear you have put your thoughts down so your other half can start to know what space your in. Just take one day at a time hun and follow the advice you so often have given to others, as lets face it those supportive words of yours have helped so many of us in the past.
Love and kind thoughts Jo xxxxxxx
10/8/08 18:01
Lisa, only just seen this thread. So sorry you have been feeling so awful and bottling it all up. I can only say what all the other girls have said - from what I know of you from here and your wonderful (funny) words of wisdom, you are an AMAZING woman and from what you have gone through you are well within your rights to be down and sad and even depressed. I have only really had fleeting depression (that I think with hindsight was very self obsessed depression! lol) You have gone through soooo much and grief and loss has to be the worst thing ever to cope with. I cannot imagine loosing so many people and especially my mum and the fact that you have carried on functioning only serves as a testiment to YOU. I am glad you have written it down, weather its just for yourself or for you dh, thats what I would have suggested. Maybe (If at all possible) you need to do something for YOURSELF now. I can understand why you dont want to go to the docs, but just keep an eye on yourself and if you have to go and see the doc, its not a failure. Keep talking to your dh (even if it is in letters) and try putting yourself first sometimes. Hope this doesnt sound patronising as I dont really know you but you come across as a wonderful warm woman in all your online threads. ((Big hugs)) Kitty x
9/8/08 21:52
Lisa hun i am glad you managed to "speak" to your oh. Perhaps this way will be better and if somat happens then it happens if not then perhaps its natures way. Sounds like most important stuff for you at the moment is grieving your losses and enjoying your time with your family and your oh. I really hope that you start to feel a bit better soon xxxxx
9/8/08 21:22
Hi Lisa, sorry you have been having a bad time. I'm glad that it has made you feel a little better getting it all out. Just take time and do whatever feels right for you. Just wanted to send you lots of (((hugs))) x
9/8/08 19:28
Lisa...try and spend some quality time together, and well done for getting this out and in the open. I am sure that only good will come from this.
9/8/08 19:27
I just noticed you was off the list hun... I hope you come back soon but you need to take your own time. You have been great for us all and i can completely understand that ypu have final broke down and let it all out. A good cry always helps
I love a good cry.I hope you will pop in hun you have been a great help, support, friend and laugh for all the girls. And im sure many will agree an inspiration, how brave you are.
Its great that you are giving yoursef time to get over your prev loses (family, friends and beans) and im sure they all look down on you hun and are so so proud of you. Just dnt ever give up when you know you want more children
With lots of love and hugs hunni
Good luck in all you do and good luck with future TTC
Nicole x x x x x x x x x xx x ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
9/8/08 19:20
Thanks girls xxxx
Well, I kept my promise and wrote it all down, left if for him to read while I popped out to ASDA in the pouring summer rain. He hasn't said a word about the letter, mind you it was 3 pages of a4. Just came over to me and gave me a kiss, well a few times actually.
Feel so much better for spelling it all out to him, still feeling a bit down, but I think that's more to do with being mentally exhausted from the crying. Writing the letter took it out of me, just sat crying while writing it all down, think that was what I needed, to cry for a reason, if that makes sense.
So, thanks again girls, have asked Shell to take me off the list, which she has kindly done, as yet I still don't know if oh wants to try again (he did originally, but after reading what I wrote, not sure) so will see, told him I do want a baby, just petrified of getting pregnant, as another loss would finish me off.
Will keep you updated as and when.
Thank you all for your kind words and support, I have no idea where I would be today without it.
Lisa xxxx
9/8/08 14:15
Hi Lisa, if you need a scarecrow for your journey, I'll be here!! (could do with some brains!!) hope to see you back on here when you're ready hun all my love and big hugs
Sarahxx
9/8/08 09:55
Hi Lisa
I was just thinking about you this morning, wondering where you've been for the last few days, then saw this post.
Im so sorry youre feeling down hun
.You are always the one telling the ladies on here to talk to any of us, for any reason, well missus same goes for you. You have lots of friends on here, just because we're on the other side of a computer doesnt mean we dont care. Im sure I speak for all the ladies here when I say we're here for you hun, anytime
As for being 37 and still wanting your mum. We all need our mums hun, whatever age we are.
Please dont bottle everything up
Kerry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
9/8/08 09:37
Hi Lisa
really really sorry that you're feeling so crap but as said before you might want to read back on some of your posts and take your own advice sweetheart. You know we all love you and we're all here for you ... always (((HUGS))).
And no, I won't tell you to get a grip either or to go and see a doc but I will tell you that you need to talk to your OH and get things off your chest. He needs to know how you're feeling hun.
Well before I write a novel here I will end this but I will pm you in a mo.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses your way hun.
Vanessa xxx
9/8/08 08:07
you have no idea just how much you girls have helped, particularly like the idea of a drip elaine, gave me a smile, depends on what is in it of course.
one person in particular sussed me out, and has helped no end, not going to name her, but you know who you are. and trust me, has helped beyond belief.
still feeling s***ty, but not as bad, so i guess that f***er of a cloud is starting to lift.
i'm no good at talking face to face, and if i tried with my oh i would just end up in tears and not saying what i want to say, and i hate crying infront of people.
i have taken on board some of the advice, that is a step forward for me! i am a stubborn b***, and think i can take on the world single handed, when infact, over the last 8yrs, all i have done is pushed one loss aside to make room for the next, i've now got to deal with them all. it takes alot for me to ask for help, and discuss my private thoughts and fears, but in your own little way, each of you have helped me do that. so, thank you all xx
i intend writing everything down i want to say to my oh, just hope i have enough ink! i feel so much better for just starting this, although i appear confident, and believe me, doing the job i do i have become a very good actress! i have hidden fears like all of us, i have found myself just waiting for the next loss, and that's not me.
i'm not sure about ttc, although i do want another baby (confused me too) but that is something i'm going to have to talk about with him indoors. i am petrified (as we all are) that the next will end in another loss, and i'm not sure i could take that.
i have been making things worse for myself, i pop into dij to see how the girls are getting on, was on there the other day, and everyone is feeling baby kicks, i read them and thought (as we all do) "that should be me"
for now i'm going to be dorothy, and follow the yellow brick road, no idea where i will end up, but i ain't getting in an air balloon!
for now, i have no idea how much i will be here, just gonna take it one step at a time, i may come bouncing back tomorrow, if i do, kick me out, cos it means i have just pushed it all to one side again and not dealt with anything.
thank you all.
lets see some bfp's from you all, help shell with that damn list!
lisa xxxxxxxx
9/8/08 00:13
Lisa
Hi hun, I wonderd why you hadn't been about. Looks like the girls are giving you some sound advice. I too tend to bottle things and put on that brave face for others, but this time with my third loss I am finding this hard. I think you need to give yourself a break, its still early days after your recent loss and with all your other losses too, it isn't suprising that you are now feeling the strain hun. Try taking a bit more of a back seat and let others help ohters and only do aht you have to do.
I have spent my life helping others and somewhere along the way I lost sight of the importance of those close to me......... and more importantly I lost sight that I needed support too.
I am not saying see you doc cos I wouldn't go myself but I will say try not to be too hard on your self............... these things take time to heal and thats what needs to happen ........ you are still healing inside. I can't imagine how losing your mum feels as I still have mine, but I do know I still need her even at 41yrs of age xx
Please use us on here to talk too when you feel like this as talking does help even if its for a rant. I do hope I haven't said anything to affend, as not intended.
BIG HUGS AND SNUGGLES for you sweetie! Jo xxxxxx
8/8/08 23:02
Oh Lisa I was wondering where you were, sounds like your in the same dark hole I was in a few years ago, Turn the light on hunny and see the people around you who love you. Grief is a terrible terrible thing if its left alone it can literaly engulf you. I don't know if getting help from the docs is the answer, its not for everyone, but it helped me. Your oh loves you and if he knew what was going on in your head and heart right now i'm sure he could take away some of your pain, talk and talk and talk till your throat hurts he won't have all the answers(he's a man!) but once its out and said he might get a better handle on how to make you feel better. I haven't been on this site long enough to know you properly but in the short time I have I've grown to respect what you have to say and would consider you a strong wonderful person, so for once use that strength to help yourself in stead of all of us! Lots of love and hugs. (Lisa hope I didn't offend you by anything I have just written it came from my heart , a heart that has been battered by grief many times.)
Hugs sarahxxx
8/8/08 22:34
i did forget to say you have made the first move by the title you posted on this thread well done lets hope you am on the path to repair xxxx
8/8/08 22:25
hi there plumper
i havent posted much but i have been reading and you am the one that makes everyone laugh its the fact you am covering up so much hurt and you am trying to hold it in and hide it and put on a brave face youre human and like a bottle of fizzy pop shook too much and you will explode this is what i think is happening its obviously very hard for you loss is very hard and i am like yourself my uncle who was my rock his baby was only 5 weeks when e went then we had to go and tell my grandad who i saw everyday e came for his meals who was being treated for breast cancer at the time he lost the will went soon after they gave my mom 48 hours to live my dad not much either and what i am trying to say it all builds up and then its like counting a pack of cards and laying each one on the table we go through it all time and time again its such a shame you havent got anyone to talk to but you have wrote it down and you prob feel a bit better just for doing that if you dont want any help thats fine but also dont deny the pain your feeling people can say you look so happy but then you think well this face tells lies but really we take it out the ones we love ie partners you probably feel like i wished he would f*** off but deep down do you really want to lose him dont push him away tell him how you feel he might be going through hell aswell but he probably thinks you have got enough on your plate a break out of our normal routines is sometimes good for us yes we have to come back and face it all again but at least we have snapped out of it for a wee bit as they say .
i really hope you can come to terms with your life and whats gone on you have 4 lovely kids and they need you you am their backbone and keep them going but how can you keep them going when you am crumbling we have one shot at life make the best of it i found a lot of strength seeing a phsycic she gave me the strength to move on i know not everyone is the same whats meant to be will be and we cant do anything about it its out our hands we either carry on and enjoy what life we have got and love the people around us or crumble and might aswell be in the next world i know it sounds harsh but its the truth so come on pick yourself together look around you enjoy what you have got anything else is a bonus and i wish you all the luck in the world you might get up in the morning feeling better but it does take time i know that but we have no say over these things but we can have control over our thoughts and some serious thinking and hope we can enjoy our future and face each day with strength time still goes on and we have to moveon and time is the best healer all my love xxxx
Hey Plumper,
just catching up as I wasn't around at the weekend...nothing I can really add to what the other girls have said, but just wanted to say I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today, and aren't bottling it up anymore.
Sending you a big (((HUG)))
Love, Hx