I`m Home.... (SarahKate)
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- TTC after losing a baby
- I`m Home.... (SarahKate)
10/9/08 11:36
10/9/08 11:30
Hiya Sarah hun
How are you feeling, physicaly I mean, I know emotionaly it's going to be a rough ride hun. Hope you are feeling better chick.
Lisa XXX
10/9/08 10:42
Hi SarahKate, just writing to send you love and hope you are feeling a bit better physically, All my love hun to you and your hubby.
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sarahxx
9/9/08 15:59
Hi sarah I dont know where i have been the past few weeks coz i didnt know a thing about all of this!!
I am so sorry to hear about it though hun i cant imagine what you are going through. As you know i had an ectopic pregnancy in 2004 and had to have my left tube removed it was a huge shock to the system and i remember at the time i was so frightened of it happening again.
I cant imagine how you are feeling having it happen twice it must be dreadful for both yourself and your oh. I just want you to know hun that i am thinking of you. you helped me through my mc last dec so much you were there every steps of the way and shared some words of wisdom that have stayed with me ever since.
I have eveerything crossed for you that you make a full recovery and you can look forward to where you want to go from here. Remember there is alot of other options for you to consider even though you probably dont think so at the moment. If you ever need to talk hun just shout im sure im not the only one who would be willing to listen.
Look after yourself hun big (((((((hugs))))))) xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx
9/9/08 10:55
Getting ready for work sk, il speak to you soon
Shell xx.
9/9/08 10:49
Thank you so much hun - that is just beautiful
I will be careful in the shower lol
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9/9/08 10:45
Be careful in the shower hunnie.
Sarah my dp said to me after the ectopic to never give up hope, i was crying my heart out and this is what he said....
What hope do you give someone thats dying of cancer, what makes them keep going and going, its hope.
He said if you want something enough and you can see it in your heart, then you will get it, i know your not religious or anything but he said god looks at the heart of someone and if you keep it in your heart then you will get what you want.
He said if i planted a flower and never watered it then it would die, if i looked after it every day then it would grow and turn into something beautiful, so he told me to plant a seed in my heart, the seed of wanting another baby, he told me to water that seed every day and not to forget about it, and thats what im doing, im watering it every day and not losing hope that i will get my beautiful flower.
To me i had lost all hope, and thats how you are feeling now, but sk please dont give up hope hunnie, without it there's nothing, we dont have anything to hope and want for.
Love you lots SK
Shell xx.
9/9/08 10:30
Thanks hun, bless you. And listen you will get there too hun
we just have to try and believe there are no if's or but's about it - I am just finding it so hard to believe at the moment but I hope I will come round to believing it some day soon or I know I won't be able to go on...I probably will take a step back from bounty for while but not sure when or for definite but we shall see how I feel in a while once things are healing and have sunk in a little more.Thanks for being here hun it means the world
I am off for another shower - what a pallaver, my hair is still so greasy from the pg hormones I guess (still testing strong positive for now) so I hope it will calm down and my emotions will get clearer once the hormones are completely out of my system.
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9/9/08 10:25
That doesnt sound 1 bit nasty at all hun.
When i had my mc last yr i left here, then when i got preg again i came back, was only here a few days and had to leave again.
I was devastated, felt like i didnt belong, and tbh i still feel like i dont belong, my body has let me down that much that i dont know if il ever get that bfp, ive had so many problems down there over the yrs and with the ectopics on top of it i honestly dont know at times whether to continue ttc.
You have a mountain to climb Sk, and i honestly think you will get there, you are a strong person, and you have the best husband in the world, he will help you get through this and you will help him.
You will always belong here...wait to you start ivf and then you will be telling us all about it ((((((hugs))))))
9/9/08 10:14
Thanks hun, and you are not rambling, you are helping me, more than you realise hun
Just feeling a bit weird being here tbh, I know everyone says it's my home and I do belong here but I don't truly feel like I do anymore, it's very weird. Just feel detached from it all iykwim, nothing here really releates to me anymore with the way things are now, it's so weird to think I will never use opks again, moniter ewcm, or count down my days and bd with dh for the purpose of making a baby, or talk about all ttc'ing with you all in the way we are all going through it, none of it applies to me anymore....I am gonna have an af every month for no reason, just gonna be a constant reminder that I can't get pregnant again naturally, dreading the first one and all the ones after that actually
Sorry hun to be like this, think alot of the practical stuff is hitting me now
I am so aware that no-one here is dealing with this and that all I seem to be doing is just bringing you all down when you all should be positive and happy and looking forward to things and I am scared I can't be here anymore and can't be positive for any of you or help any of you anymore...hope all that makes sense and doesn't sound nasty xxxxxxxxxx
9/9/08 10:13
Sarah Kate, you truly are an amazing person. Despite what you've been through, you're still here to offer congrats, support and advice to others. I agree you really do deserve a medal! I can only imagine how hard it is, nobody likes doing nothing (for too long anyway!)and relying solely on others, but too much exsertion(dont know how to spell it sorry!) will only delay the recovery. Take care and take it easy-and watch the mobile in the bath lady!!!!x
9/9/08 10:05
Ah sarahkate ((((((hugs))))))
You will get lots of days like this, i wish i could help you, i really do, you know as well as i do the effect an ectopic has on you generally, but with your situation its going to affect you even more.
Its early days yet SK and you wont want to think of the future yet and what it holds for you and ross, all you can do at the min is ger yourself better and when you feel fit and ready then think about what you want to do.
Sorry im rambling again
9/9/08 10:01
Pretty sh*t hun tbh lol
Just in limbo really dunno what's going on in my head and have no desire to find out for now.
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9/9/08 09:54
Morning Sarahkate, im fine hun thanks
How are you feeling today
9/9/08 09:51
Thank you Shell hun and no need to apologise to had to go to work lol!
Hope you are okay hun
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8/9/08 13:22
Sorry hun, had to go to work
Im glad being here is helping you ((((((hugs)))))) you know were all here if you need us
Shell xx.
8/9/08 11:31
Aw hun don't
lol you'll have me in tatters. It helps to be here just now I think, maybe once it all sinks in a bit more I will take a step back but for now I am here and it's helping.Aw I am a clean freak too lol I hate not being able to do it lol dh has been fab of course but as you know if you want something done right you do have to do it yourself lol
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8/9/08 11:18
He he i know im a wee bit mad
I was getting ratty after a few days cuz i couldnt clean the house, im a bit of clean freak, dp done his best but i just wanted to do something for myself.
Sarah your amazing hun do you know that, your on here chatting away to us all and after what you've been through you deserve a medal, you are an inspiration to us hun and to me, and i admire your determination and bravery, you are 1 very special lady
Shell xx.
8/9/08 11:09
Aw god that sounds painful hun, what are you like!? Sounds like something I would do though lol but better not...Thanks hun, will see what the doc says about it on Friday - have a nurses appoinment before the doc supposed to be getting the stitches out but if they are still like this she ain't getting near lol
ouch! Would prefer the doc to see them first. Will keep an eye on them and I am resting as much as poss, just hate it cant do much myself and the house is a tip lol but I am not gonna over-do anything got to be sensilble Jayne hun bless you I am sure everything will be fine hun I am sending you huge hugs and mountains of
[bg}xxxxxxxxxxx
8/9/08 11:03
I was the same sarah, after my 1st ectopic i got home that night, just had 3 holes in my stomach and i hadnt really any pain at all.
The 2nd ectopic nearly killed me, i was in hospital for 4 days, was opened like a section and like you i was bruised from my boobs to half way down my thighs, the pain was horrendous (sp)
My scar was red for ages sarah, i thought i might have had an infection but i didnt thank god.
Just make sure you take it easy for a good while, me being me dragged myself out of the house 7 days after the op, staples still in stomach and went to see my dd in a christmas concert 35 miles away, big mistake, i couldnt move for days, so honestly take your time and dont rush trying to get back on your feet
Ahh bless you, thank you girls and Becca it's lovely to hear from you too hun, you are so kind
I am not so good to be honest
The wounds are still really hurting, doesn't seem to matter what we do. I am thinking of cancelling the nurses appt (before Doc appt Fri) cos' no way is she getting near these with tweezers 
may just let the Doc take a look. I also started bleeding really heavily yesterday, it's really painful, crampy and clotty (sorry tmi) 
I guess that the womb lining has got to come away now I am no longer pregnant, but I was hoping as I only bled a little after surgery that my body would let me heal a bit more before hitting me with this sh*t 
It really is not helping overall pain either, just horrible. This didn't happen the first time, after that ectopic I bled for a couple of days then nothing til my next af a few weeks later. But I guess after this surgery being a lot more serious it's probably normal. Plus Kelly said this happened to her after the second ectopic, but will check with Doc to make sure it's okay. I am still testing strong bfp on tests, so It's probably taking a lot longer for the hormones to get out of my system.
Hope you are all okay?
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