TTC after emergency c-section and stillbirth
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- TTC after emergency c-section and stillbirth
19/9/08 09:45
18/9/08 18:24
For the beautiful angel Zack xxxxx
http://www.lightacandle.co.uk/view-2676.html
18/9/08 13:02
Hi hun,
so sorry for the loss of zack-he is beautiful. I had a c-section in march at 29 weeks & lost my son Evan. I too am desperate to ttc again. I was told it depends on the type of section you had. As Evan was prem i had a classical c-secion, where the incision goes up instead of across(only on the inside though on my womb, not on my tum). I have to wait 6 months to ttc as this incision has a higher rate of rupturing. We did fall pregnant after 5months-a complete shock, not planned. But i m/c at 5 weeks, the dr said it could have been too soon for my womb so we are waiting until december now-9 months healing time. I got told after a normal c-section, where the cut goes across your womb, you can ttc 3 months. This is the least time you should wait as it takes this long to heal. I think every dr will tell you different tbh, the one who delivered me said 12-18months, which devastated me. Then her senior said 6 months, & that still felt like forever. But i can honestly say that 3 months will pass before you know it- i can't believe it has been 6 months since i had Evan already. I personally wasn't ready for about 4-5 months to seriously consider ttc again, after the initial shock of losing Evan wore off i didn't even want to think about ttc. Then after 4 months i wanted to ttc badly, got pregnant after 5 months, & panicked that it was too soon & i couldn't cope emotionally. Then was devastated after m/c. I think what i'm saying is that however long you wait your emotions will be all over the place so there is no good time emotionally, but make sure you are definately physically healed before you ttc-it will save you more heartache in the long run,i've learnt that the hard way.
Good luck honey, pm me if you ever want to chat. Thinking of you,
love paula x x
17/9/08 22:50
Hi hun, firstly i want to say how truely sorry i am for your loss. My little girl amber was stillborn at 40+5 on 12th sept 07. Her first birthday was friday and as you said in your first post it was a very hard day, in fact the build up was harder than the day. I am currently 19+1 weeks pregnant again and i am finding it stressful. I have to say tho, ambers birthday didnt bring huge worries and stresses about this baby, it just bought back memories and reminded us what we've lost and how much we miss her. I personally think i would have coped with the baby being due around that time. But i also think that if i had gotten pregnant that soon i wouldnt have coped emotionally for the whole pregnancy. it is very stressful and i need a lot of support from my dh and mw etc. It took me 8 months to concieve again, i think my body new my head wasnt ready and even tho we fell first month ttc with amber it just didnt happen that quick this time. 8 months was a good time for me to adjust, settle a bit, get back into work and prepare for this pregnancy. But everyone is different and lots of women i have met on sands have got pregnant a lot quicker and are coping aswell as me, some even better.
As for the section, i cant help that much with that as i had a natural birth. But i know a few people (through sands) who have got pregnant soon after a section and things have been fine. You will see your cons at 6-8 weeks and he/she will be the best person to answer, but i should think they will tell you to wait 3 months. If you need any advise or support i have found sactuary in the sands website. Its a good place to find support from people who feel the same as you do everyday. If you want to have a look go to www.sandsforum.org i wish you gentle days and send you and your family big (((hugs)))xxx
17/9/08 20:07
Hi E-lou................ first of all i would like to add my condolences at the loss of your beautiful little boy.......................... Zack is gorgeous and i find it heartbreaking everytime i hear of another set of loving parents having to go through this..........
I can't give you any input re emergency c-section but hopefully i might help a little by telling you our story........ even if it is to let you know you are not alone.
We lost our daughter Hannah on Christmas Day 2006 when i was in the early stages of labour at 39wks................ she was 7lb 4oz of perfection (her pic is in my profile) and to this day i still can't comprehend the enormity of what has happened to us. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you may have including the desparate need to ttc and be pregnant again, my midwife called it empty arms syndrome and i think it sums it up perfectly............ i had an uncontrollable need to be a mummy again and not just a want. We started trying again just a few short weeks after losing Hannah and i fell pregnant very very quickly.
I won't pretend the pregnancy was easy because it wasn't but i was very well looked after....... i only ever saw my consultant and i was scanned and monitored weekly as well as receiving doppler scans weekly after 30 wks and i also knew from my 1st appointment (when i was 5 wks pregnant) what date and time i was going to be induced (exactly 37 wks) which really gave me something to focus on throughout the pregnancy.
Hannahs little brother Jude was born kicking and screaming into the world almost exactly a year after we lost Hannah and he helped fill some of the enormous gap in our lives that Hannah left behind. He has given our life purpose again and he is our reason to smile..................
When we lost Hannah we made a decision to live our lives and make her proud and i feel thats exactly what we have done........... we live for today and try and enjoy each and every moment....................... If i could have one wish in life it would be to have my beautiful daughter with me but we have the next best thing.......... the legacy she left behind............ she was our reason for changing our lives and for that i will be forever grateful..........
I am sorry if i have waffled or sounded like a sanctimonious (sp...... sorry) cow....... i guess i am trying to say how it is for us 18mths down the line.............. and to say that in my experience the need to try again is very common and very understandable.
All my love
Lisa x
17/9/08 18:11
YAY I found you. Im sorry to be gatecrashing your thread. I know that the ladies here are taking good care of you
. Just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you and Steve. Not a day goes by that I don't. I hope you both are doing ok. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) and love!!17/9/08 09:21
Thanks Lorri and Liz....bless you both xx
17/9/08 00:19
im sorry for gate crashing and i wanted to say you should be soo proud of your selfs for being such strong people i couldnt possibly imagen wot your going through. i hope you all get what you want in life and heal as much as possible.
to the people who are preg again good luck and i wish u a safe jurney through your pregs.
i send my love xxx
16/9/08 21:10
Sorry for gatecrashing... E-Lou I just wanted to pop in here and give you my support and to all you ladies on this forum who have lost babies, my heart goes out to you all. {i}
16/9/08 15:59
Well, I spoke to the MW this morning about TTC again I explained that I didn't want to replace Zack, but that one thing that has come out of this tragedy is that we now both know how much we want to be parents. We have so much love to give and unfortunately Zack isn't here for us to spoil. She said that physically, as my scar was healing well, there was no reason why we couldn't start trying after my 6 week check. She did warn me though that I needed to be strong enough emotionally to cope with it cos it would be extremely stressful. But all in all a positive response so that's good. We are not going to be trying too hard though, just not going to use contraception and let nature take its course. I will double check at our 6 week check that I am physically ready too.
Jo - So sorry to hear of the loss of your twins. ((((HUGS))))) Must have been terribly traumatic for you. I would love to keep in touch with you hun, I don't know many people in the same situation either. I have been chatting to a girl from DIS on Facebook who sadly lost her little girl around the same time I lost Zack and there are a couple of us in the baby loss forum who are in similar situations. I have also just joined the SANDS website as there are unfortunately loads of ladies who are in the same situation.
16/9/08 14:55
Jo - I am so sorry for everything that you went through - words fail me right now ((((hugs)))
Lisa xx
16/9/08 14:48
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Your little baby is truely gorgeous. I can sympathise with your story as 6 months ago I had stillborn twin girls at fullterm. The shock was unbearable and the hurt of longing to hold and love my babies is unbearable at times but as time has gone on things seem to be getting easier. I'll never get over losing the girls but I can understand your wanting for another baby. I had twin 1 naturaly then twin 2 by emergency c sec then had to have a DNC as they left some of the placenta in, then had an infection of the lining of my womb. When I asked my consultant when we could start trying for another baby she said as soon as I feel up to it. Plus my periods will tell me when things are ok as they will return to normal etc. As for my scar they never mentioned anything but to be honest I feel that its ok and i'm back in the gym etc so I think i'm ok and going start trying now. I wish you all the very best in trying for another baby and would love to be kept upto date with your progress as I do not know of anyone else in the same boat as me.
15/9/08 13:44
Thanks again for all your messages. It is good to hear that some of you are TTC again so soon after your last loss and that I'm not being disrespectful to Zack by already thinking about this... Rhi thank you for sharing your experiences too, it's good to know that you can be healed enough physically after a couple of months, just need to make sure I'm healed enough emotionally too. Thanks girls xxxx
15/9/08 10:59
Hey Emma, just sending you lots of ((((hugs)))) chick. Yep i am over here too! Its strange because its nice to see some fimiliar faces but horrible at the same time as you never want your friends to suffer a loss. Plus i can not compare what happened to me with what you are going through honey. I must say you are truely an inspiration to me and i am sure others too. Just take each day as it comes and don't worry if you have bad ones. You yourself will know when the time is right.
PM me if you need me hun. Take care, SJ xxx
14/9/08 21:33
E-Lou I think you will just know in your heart when its time for you try again. I can completely understand that you will be wanting to focus on something and keep positive. I would give your body a good few wks to heal and take the advice from yr mw and go from there. I dont think there can be any hard or fast rules over something like this, you and your dh will just know when yr both ready. Imo I dont think theres any reason for you to wait a long period of time, you will just know when the times right, be it a couple of months or 6mths whatever is best for you. I wish you all the very very best of luck, I know we all admire you on here and send you loads of hugs and supportxxxxxxx
14/9/08 21:05
I'm sorry I meant to say I read your story in DIA, sorry x
14/9/08 21:03
I just wanted to say again how sorry I am for your sad loss (I read your story in DIF), your angel Zack is beautiful x
I can't really advise on when to try again, we did TTC 6 months after my c-section with DD but I agree that 3 months is probably a good time. I don't blame you at all for wanting to TTC again, nobody has the right to judge you.
I've had 3 losses since having my DD, the last one was in October and I had to end the PG due to severe abnormlities not compatible with life but my body did not allow me to become PG again until after my due date had passed.
Just wanted to wish you lots of luck for the future
x14/9/08 19:58
I had and emergency c section that resulted in a stillbirth in 2005 i got pregnant 9 months later and had a little boy i did have two miscaraiges between these two dates but that was not due to the c section after my second c section i got pregnant again another 9 months later and had another boy so for me i found that 9 months was a good time but that was just for me
i did actually get pregnant 2 months after my first c section but sadly that resulted in a mc but this was due to a problem with the baby not the c section.
i was told that as long as you have healed well then 3 months is the best time but doctors and mw opinions vary you will know when you are ready.
i was ready to try again after my six week check i didnt want to replace my baby i just needed to give all the love i had to another baby and it didnt change how i felt about my angel connor.
hope that helps .
14/9/08 19:25
Hi Em,
I have posted on your other threads in dia and just want to say again that your positive outlook amazes and inspires me and i look forwards to getting to know you on this forum but hopefully neither of us will be here too long
. Baby Zack is so beautiful and i am so sorry for your loss. I am sending you positive vibes for TTC again when you are ready hun.I lost my 2nd angel at 20 weeks (2 weeks ago) and am now on the case TTC again and am being 'very nice to my husband' again
. I am still very up and down after my recent loss but the last few days I have been more positive in myself and am feeling a little better. Last week I was convinced I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something, just totally deflated but i won't let myself sink as i am a swimmer!Lots of hugs to you Em and keep me updated with how your appointments go, i really hope you will not have to wait too long before you TTC again.
Lisa x
14/9/08 18:21
SarahKateP...Thank you so much for pm-ing me the poem hun...It is beautiful... I wasn't familiar with your story but having just read about you losing 4 babies and your fertility in 11 months, I am completely amazed at how positive you seem. I wonder how I am going to get over losing Zack but your story has just made me realise how lucky I am that I still have my fertility. I really hope that when you are up to it physically and emotionally you don't have to wait too long for IVF sweetheart and that you are holding your long awaited babe in your arms soon. Bless you xx
Julie...thanks for your lovely comments about Zack. I don't know that I'm feeling particularly strong at the mo but I am sure that eventually I will feel stronger
Whoopeewhoo...firstly sorry to hear of your loss, and secondly, congratulations on your BFP. I'm sure it will be hard for you bearing in mind that your new baby will be due around Isabelle's anniversary but she will look down on you and protect you and her baby brother or sister. I have just registered on SANDS but haven't found the strength to have a good look yet. I know full well that reading other ladies stories will have me in floods of tears at the mo. I'm sure they will be helpful though in the weeks and months to come.
Nikimas...thanks for your advice on C-sections. I think I will see if I can arrange an appointment with the consultant to discuss TTC. I have been told that due to the circumstances around Zack's birth, I will never have a VBAC as they will never let me go full term again. I was 12 days over when Zack was born and it was the meconium that he swallowed that flooded his lungs. I have been told that next time they would not want me to go through the stress of labour again and that they would have me in for another section between 37-39 weeks. I think the concern is more for whether my wound would hold up during a pregnancy. It seems to be healing very well and very quickly too so hopefully this won't be a problem. Am seeing a different MW to my usual one on Tues so I'll ask her what the options are...
Thanks again for all your replies, Em xx
Thank you for your replies and Julie...thanks for lighting a candle for Zack. I am so sorry to each and every one of you for your loss...((((HUGS))))
Lisa - your story fills me with a lot of hope. Empty arms syndrome sums up the way I'm feeling perfectly. I want to mother something, I am a mother and I have no baby with me to care for. I think that is one of the reasons that I would like to TTC again as soon as possible. I know full well that my next pregnancy will not be easy, I will worry like hell about every little thing but it's what we want. We have been told that our notes have a teardrop sticker on them now so that in future, whoever looks at our file knows that we will need extra reassurance and monitoring. I just hope it's not too far off. Hannah would be extremely proud of you for being so positive and I'm sure she watches over her mummy, daddy and Jude every day. She is beautiful hun, you should be very proud too
Mrs Behop - thanks for your story too. Sorry to hear about Amber... I understand so much that everyone will handle this situation differently. I am aware that there will be a lot of stress and I think I will just see how I am coping to decide as and when to TTC properly. We kinda thought we'd let nature take its course and my body will accept another pregnancy when it is ready. We'll see... I have registered on the SANDS website and have introduced myself, just not posted too much yet...It's so sad to see how many people have been arrected by the loss of a child. I am sure I will get a lot of support from these ladies...Thanks hun
Paula - thanks for the info about the section. I assume mine was a straight across wound cos I was past full term. This is obviously something that I will check with my consultant when I see him. Will see what he says about TTC too. I am of the same opinion as you, I will never be completely prepared emotionally, any pregnancy will raise fears and I will worry about what happened to Zack but I hope that it will give me something to look forward to, to live for again. Thanks for your reply
God bless all our angels xxx