it horrid that shes uses the kids to get at u both like this....what she must forget is that one day them children will become adults...and realise what shes done. best of luck chic x

Hi . Just wanted to say thanks for the replies. I have accepted Kev's kids from the start just like he accepted Dylan (who i have from a previous relationship) And the kids and I used to get on great but then their mum started telling them all sorts about me (roughly around the time I fell pregnant with Tiana who is now 18 weeks old) and that is what has caused the problems. There have been loads of times when we have had kev's kids over that Kev has taken them out on his own at my insistance even tho he has wanted us all to go out as a family and I have no problem with him doing that and the kids are fine when that is happening but as soon as they are back from being taken out they go back to being rude to both Kev and I and even nasty to my son even tho they have had the time with their dad on their own.  They just dont believe it when Kev tells them that I dont tell him what to do. They did not even believe us when we said we were moving closer to them so he could spend more time with them until it actually happened but by then the problems with kev's ex were at a peak and we have had to take a harassment order out against her which at the mo has stopped her contacting us. I'm just annoyed that they never come to see us or just their dad or contact him til they want something.

Bec I just wanted to say what a brilliant post, you really put it across so well from the other side which we don't often get on here, it's easy for us to forget that we are not the only ones upset by the situation so I think your post will get people thinking. I myself have always encouraged my DH to spend time alone with his kids as I know what it's like to crave that alone time with your Dad as I grew up in a step family and even now at 27 I would like to spend time alone with my Dad but I don't get to see him on my own as often as I like as my stepmum and half brother always have to come along too which is fine, I get on with them but I would like to see my Dad on my own sometimes too.

hi lisa

my partner and i had one child age 6 and one on the way..and i have three children from a previous relationship. im very lucky in that my ex and i only have our childrens best interests at heart but that wasnt always so. at times hes had gf's who didnt accept the children....yes the kids can be rude and even nasty...but its coz they were jealous and insecure. he had one long term gf who also had children. my children would go visit at weekends and they felt like outsiders...pushed out. and they hated seeing thier father being a father to the other children...they were SO jealous. they were rude and disrespectful to the gf. id talk to them and tell them off.....but all they wanted was thier father to themselves for a little while. i asked the ex and his gf if he could take them for one afternoon a week..just the dad and kids..to the park etc...for sum time alone with them. but the gf saw this as a slight at her..which it wasnt. ex said he cudnt give them one on one attention...and so my kids carried on seeing him with the gf and her children..and they becamemore and more resentful to the point where the eldest became a nightmare and the gf refused to have her in the house again. this left my daughter distraught.gf forbid ex from seeing her..till she apologised..but teenagers are stubborn sods aint they.

anyway to cut a long story short...it ended up with all kids turning against gf...and telling the ex not to bother seeing them unless he came alone.

xexs gf told him if he saw them...shed leave him.

in the end he split with the gf

now he has a gf who also has a child....she gives my ex plenty of space to be with his kids...spend time alone. so they get the attention they crave....and in return the kids have grown a deep respect and like for her....shes kept her cool and asked my advice when they have been rude or disrespectful..and between us we have sorted it out.

being a step family is such hard work and a strain...and u sound like u already have a lot to deal with

but try and remember that these kids are just craving thier fathers atention...and see u as the obsticle thats stopping them.

remember they are only children..and will be rude and disrectful..and yes ur partner shud address this...but try not to put conditions on them as they will just rebel.

best of luck

bec x

No you are not wrong hun, I recently asked my DH why he finds it so hard to get angry with his kids when they do something wrong and he said to me that no matter what they do to him he will always love them and be there for them cause at the end of the day they're his kids. That kind of said it all to me and now I just don't bother trying to tell him what I think he should do cause it just causes arguments between us. I just don't think that in this situation we the stepmums are ever going to win an argument so maybe we should just give up trying and worry about our own kids.

Hi all . ok I have been with my df kevin for 2 years now , we have an 18 week old daughter and I have a son , dylan , 7 from a previous relationship and kev has 3 kids with his ex. Since kev split with his ex she has been very controlling but we seem to have her under control now apart from to do with his kids. She has banned us from seeing them on and off for the past 2 years. Just before christmas kev's ex caused loads of hassle and was telling the kids that I tell their dad what to do (totally untrue) so they became rude and disrespectful when they were here to the point that I asked kev's youngest who is 12 to leave the house for being so rude. Well we had not heard anything from them since before christmas until about 2 weeks ago(Kev's eldest daughters birthday in a week coincidentally lol). Kev's kids have not met their half sister and not even asked about her even tho she has  been in hospital for 8 weeks after having 2 heart ops. They have asked Kev to take them out for the day which i have no  problem with IF they apologise for their behaviour, Well kev has just said straight away that he will take them and acting as if nothing happened just before christmas and that makes me mad as he has let them all get away with their disgusting behaviour towards us . I have said they are not to come in the house again til they have apologised. His 3 kids only ever ring him when they want something and never just to see how he is . I asked kev why he has let them get away with things and he just says he dont know how to handle the situation but thats ridiculous as he is 35 and should know how to deal with his children by now. Am i right to be angry with him that he has let them get away with treating us like that ? I'm still fuming that he has just ignored all that has happened. I used to get on with his children til their mum started telling them lies about me. I have now told kev that any decision he makes about them does not concern me and that dont bother consulting with me about them . Am i wrong? btw his children are 12, 14 and almost 16