The CSA will need recipts to prove what he has paid out and remember they will expect you to pay back how ever many months or years you have paid direct to the child and not to the mother. If it is assesed at £60 per week thats a lump sum of £1500 for 6 months to pay up.

Emma

Well I've explained to my partner what the csa have told me, he's said he'll speak to child and let her know what may happen. For now he's still going to keep giving her the money as we know if we start paying it to the mother then the child won't ever see it. He said he'll only start giving the money to the mother if the csa tell him to or if the courts tell him to. He pays for her school uniform and takes her out monthly to shop for clothes plus gives her an allowance, all her mum has to do is make sure she keeps her fed every other financial aspect is taken care of by him.

 I'm sure there is a system where a parent can provide directly for the child as in clothes, school uniform, shoes, pay school dinners bills etc direct, which the CSA used to accept. If you ring again and ask for advice explain if the money is given direct to the mother she spends it on drinking etc not the child, is there any system in place they accept where your DH can pay certain bills to do with the child direct.

Why not still give her some money but say £10 per week spending money I know that will probably be a big cut for her but you will have to tell her the truth if you carry on as you are doing it isn't legal, at 16 she should be old enough to take it on board I'm not saying she will be happy but........

Emma

Hiya,

thanks for the advice. I've spoken to the csa and they've told me that the payments he's making to the child are counted as a gift or savings for that child and not child support. So it looks like he's going to have to switch back to giving the mother money which the child isn't going to see as when he started giving the money directly to the child the mother then turned around and said she's not giving the child any money at all. So it looks like the child is going to miss out again.

As for the mediation, we know they're different types; we're not opposed to going to court in front of a judge and thrashing it all out. But sitting in private mediation with some form of counsellor type people is a no no, thing is the ex has a problem with authority figures and she'll show herself up in front of a judge. Whereas in private mediation she has no respect for them and will try and take them for idiots.

Thanks for your help.

The money you are paying direct to the child won't be counted as she is living at home and is under 18!!!!!!!!

You will have to actually live apart have seperate addresses and not stay under the same roof to pull that off. she only has to take a few pictures with dates and times on of you him and your cars to pull the rug from under you.

You do not have to provide info for your bank accounts, if you do not want or your wage BUT it will be seen to look like you and him are hidding money and the court will probably set payments to his ex higher. Also if they do not think he is providing for another family they may also award his wife a payment for life so she does not have to work due to her health which is probably what she is after.....................................

Good Luck and get good legal advice before going to mediation.

Emma 

Thanks Emma,

We were paying money directly into the mothers account, which she never declared to income support but she was looking after the child. Then after a while she started to use the money on the grandson and other kids and we were giving her more not realising she was doing this.

We then opened an account for the child so all the money goes directly to her, she's 16 now so we believe she should have it as the mother wasn't giving her pocket money some weeks as she'd spent the cash on god knows what.

I've decided I'm not going to disclose my personal finances, she has no right especially after everything she's done and is continuing to do to see my finances. So if my df decides to go to mediation I've told him to tell the court that he's currently living as a single man as her behaviour drove me off (we've got several police reports to back this up) so I don't have to declare anything.

He already wrote a statement that he will be continuing to financially support the child until she's out of full time education. This includes if she wishes to go to university. All he wants is a divorce and for her to get on with her life, she keeps going on about taking half of everything but half of nothing is still nothing!! lol

The mother is after something that isn't there, we've told the court that she's working and she's wants to go to mediation rather than a judge because she knows she'll get caught out and will have to pay legal fees.

I'm not going to report her, I'm just going to watch and see where this all goes.

You are going to have to do this weather you want to or not!

Even if you got divorced with out a fight, you still have to have the settlement after.

This means handing over all your financal info pensions info the lot.

It does on the plus side inc. debit BUT you have to prove it occured during the marrige and that you would both be laible.

You will have to hand in copies of the legal agrement of the business hand over and any thing else he signed over to her.

I also hope you have been paying her money directly into her account by standing order as any other means will not stand up in a court or for the CSA and he could end up paying back for a lot of years even though he paid it!!!!!!!!!!!

As for the money thing to prove he no money hidden you will have to hand over bank statments(same to prove payments to her) but even then if the judge thinks your pulling a fast one he will say he thinks you've hidden money(happened to us as I couldn't go into to court with DH and I controlled the money he couldn't account for the transfers for our rent, he was paid weekly rent monthly so I put an amount aside each week to transfer back).

The other rub is that she will get a copy of a break down of your living expenses the lot, you will get hers. You will need to prove she is getting benifits and working etc. As for shopping her you could try but make sure you do it at least 3x's removed as she will probably find out also they tell you they are coming like a set of idiots so I would provide them with photo evidence of her life style etc if you want to do it right.

Emma

He's decided to speak to her one on one to see what she wants; she's got this belief that he has money hidden away somewhere and basically wants to get her hands on it.

Thing is he hasn't got any savings and just a lot of debt; she pays for the eldest daughters son (their grandson) to go to private school so she can show off to her friends. She drives around in a mercedes a-class (which is funded from the government) that is 2 years old to show people that she's doing really well.

She's just the sort of woman who's never satisfied and always wants more, as for her disability..............well what disability allows you to stand on your feet ten hours a day, fly on holiday to the carribbean 3 times a year and go out clubbing every week?!

He has been paying maintence for the youngest child and when I contacted the csa they told me that he would only have to pay £60pw of which she would only receive £10 as she gets income support. She hasn't notified them that he pays maintence and sometimes the child goes without food as she's not around to cook because she's with her boyfriend.

Our only concern is the child to make sure she gets everything that she needs; so we can't understand what she's trying to gain by going to mediation. My df doesn't want any of her pension from when she worked for the government and isn't making a claim against the business. She's really silly going down this route cause at some point she's going to get caught out.

From what we know she claims income support, housing benefit and incapacity benefit and has been doing so for over 16 years. Believe me she isn't entitled to any of it and just uses the money to boost her lifestyle. She's just a difficult person who wants to make our lives hell.

So should I contact benefit fraud as without legal aid she'll have to pay for the lawyer and we know this will stop since she avoids having to pay money to anyone.

poor cow really sounds f***ed up can u not try to come to some arrangent??? you hear his side what about hers

you may find that you will have to go for the mediation to discus finances and come to a finanacial settlement no matter what you do. a judge will not grant divorce until this is settled. you will have the chance to show your financial situation and voice your concerns over hers. they are very thorough in looking at both of your finanaces..but to be honest i have a friend whos quite wealthy...yet her ex and her still went to finacial mediation..and he was still expected to pay out. it didnt matter that she was well off..the courts see it as being his child too and so he must pay!.

i take it as they have grown up children they were married for a considerable amount of time. this will be taken into account....also the marital home etc....any payments hes made to her over the years will be taken into account. and her disability...she may be entitled to payments if she cant work.

its going to be a long and messy process..and i wish u luck x

Hi,
 
My partner and I have been together for 2 years; we have a son who is five months old and was born premature at 25 weeks. We would like to get married as soon as possible. The only problem is that he's still legally married; he has been seperated from his wife for three years even though he tells me that the relationship broke down over ten years ago because of his wifes continuous infidelity and he only stayed in the family home because his daughter became pregnant at 17.
 
He finally left his wife three years ago when it was discovered that she had aids after she collasped at work. She had been living with HIV unknowingly for 10 years and it developed into aids. Since discovering this he has had very limited contact with her but is there for his children who are now aged 25; 20 and 16.
 
He has now applied for divorce, she has received the paper work but instead of acknowledging this and contacting the court to say she has received the documents she has gone straight to her solicitors and wants to go through mediation to discuss finances.
 
My partner has no money, he earns 30k a year and pays maintenance for his youngest daughter of £40pw straight into her account plus any extras such as school uniforms, coats, extra clothes and anything else she wants. He has a lot of debt much of which was made by his wife. He doesn't want to go through mediation as he knows she's after something he hasn't got and she will be entitled to find out about my finances also as we live together.
 
She runs her own business which he put a lot of money into for her to have and has signed everything over to her, the business is doing very well and she also claims a lot of benefits that she is not entitled to; because she can legally prove she is in receipt of benefits she is also getting legal aid, we have told the court that she works but she's trying to pull a fast one and cause more upset.
 
She has tried to attack me while I was pregnant and has threatened my partners life and the life of our child, she has turned up at our home and posted disgusting notes through the door. We contacted the police but they just warned her off but this hasn't stopped her sending text messages and making remarks.
 
I don't know what to do, should I tell the authorities about her benefit fraud and then put a stop her being able to claim legal aid and hopefully get this divorce moving or should I just keep my mouth shut and see what happens?

I really can't take anymore of her behaviour.