the backdated mine to the date of seperation...bloody csa is a confusing bag of poo

CSA don't backdate like that. They only backdate to the time that the first letter is sent to the non resident parent. I would only give her the amount the CSA says you have to pay tbh as she is being unreasonable.

no matter how bad thier mother treats them...or how great u are with them...children always side with thier mother. i was the same when i was younger...my mother was a hopeless drug addict...but i wud never have a word said against her. its that bond between mother and child i suppose.

so dont take it personaly...im sure your step children feel awful about this...and about all the trouble it has caused. you did right with your step son....children needs boundaries and he obviously isnt being set them by his mother. so when you put your foot down he went beserk..hes used to getting his own way...and his mother..well she must feel smug at the thought hes mad at you. youd think she would be grateful for all youve done for her children...theres just no pleasing some ppl!.

on the subject of the csa...have you been handing over money by hand...or has it been going through her bank account?. if its been by hand it doesnt count..you cant prove youve given it to her. and if u involve the csa..they will backdate the money and maybe leave u in debt. if youve been putting it through a bank then yes id go through the csa and get proper payments sorted..that way you will not have to face her and her partner....you could even set up a mediator to collect the children from and to pass information and messages through when you need to....i wudnt want any contact with the so called ADULTS..(ex wife and her partner)...how dare they come into your home and upset you all like that...thugs!

best of luck

bec

Sounds very similar to my stepson you cant help someone that dont wanna be helped in step sons case. I can't and don;t trust mine he now stays at his nans when dh wants to see him I hate having him in my home as i dont trust him and don't like the boy. I have bent over backwards to have it all chucked in our faces. as for maintenece go through csa x

Sounds very similar to my stepson you cant help someone that dont wanna be helped in step sons case. I can't and don;t trust mine he now stays at his nans when dh wants to see him I hate having him in my home as i dont trust him and don't like the boy. I have bent over backwards to have it all chucked in our faces. as for maintenece go through csa x

Hi there. I feel a tiny bit better today, it just feels like a knife in my guts. Thanks for your reply. Everyone i know keeps saying that it was never going to turn out well with a mother like that, but i still would have liked to think i meant something to those kids. We'll see what happens over time.

Hi there, I've had similar times with my DP's mad ex, she's even written letters to my friends and family and kept her kids off school to they could show her where they all live etc. Its so hard to deal with people like this who just aren't rational and are violent. We're not like that at all, its not our world and we don't even swear so to have this going on is horrible. What happened to us in the past, was that unfortunately DP's kids started to play games with us all, they would come to our house and bad mouth their mother then go home and tell her the contents of my fridge, wardrobes, everything and everything about my dd's toy's and belongings etc who is 2! However, instead of recognising this behaviour for what it is, we had abusive phonecalls, a car window being put through and her turning up at her house late at night. We had to stop all contact with both her and his kids for over a year until they finally admitted that they had made all the lies up to get us in trouble as they were feeling left out apparently!!! Its such a hard and horrible situation but in time it will sort itself out, we tried to rise above it and not sink to their level by responding to the threats and verbal aggression. Keep your door locked and if she turns up again just ring the police and don't let her in! Hope this helps a little bit!

Hi all i dont normally come on this forum but I have DS age 2.5, stepdaughter aged 16 and stepson age 14. Stepson has been a lot of trouble over the years, stealing, getting in trouble at school and now up for ABH. His mum has never backed up our attempts to discipline him but tends to leave him on our doorstep whenever she cant cope. We have tried everything with him, horseriding, counselling, scouts (!), fishing, maths tuition when needed, the lot. She is the problem because she has always hit him a lot, he has no self esteem. Anyway over the past year he has been using my mobile to get credits on gaming sites, stealing money and so on. Things came to a head Saturday when i found he had used my phone again and i said, thats it, i promised you could stay here for  a week for things to cool off between you and your mother (since the ABH charge) but you arent coming now. Note, i never said  'you are not coming again', just not this week as i cant trust you. All hell broke loose with his mum saying 'its only a few texts' etc. (er.... thin end of the wedge anyone?) She stormed round with her fiance (fiance no. 5, mind) and barged in the house effing and c'ing at me in front of DS. Her bloke started roughing up my husband when he tried to chuck them out, eventually they went away. She even said i had never shown any interest in her son (whaaaaaat????? she never even did his reading homework with him!!!) and wanted it this way, and that neither of her kids want to see us or our little one again. We are so hurt and upset, not to mention sick that she managed to get in our house. What shall we do? DH pays maintenance privately but we pay more than she would get through the CSA, we are thinking about going to the CSA again so we dont need to see her to hand over the money like we usually do. She thinks she'll get more but she's mistaken, we have spoken to the CSA on the phone this morning. What shall i do about contact between DS and the stepchildren? I dont want DS going over their house any more because ex's fiance is violent. I am fine if DH wants to see them somewhere neutral. I feel gutted, i loved those kids, even stepdaughter took her mum;s side and said she hates me, i remember all the hours we spent doing Fimo and stuff and i'm gutted. I just dont want stepson stealing off me and showing DS a bad example. Sorry its long but i need some advice, and DH is depressed about it all and cant sleep.