I know exactly how you feel as i have that with my sd though with me its not the fact she is my hubbys but the fact that she has a similar personality to the dreaded ex.

I have tried really hard to involve sd in all our family life but it never seems to be enough and she never really tries to fit in. She only stops with us once a month as she lives 4 hours away and also during half term.

From your comments you seem to have a good bond with your sd and enjoy being with her. The times when reality kicks in and you tink about who her dad is, is very natural and takes time to adjust to though i suspect that the underlying cause is due to the hastle you have from the ex. Your lucky your partner is so supportive, it took mine several years before he accepted that a bond with a step child is not always instant. I coped with it all by realising that the times my sd spent with us she was treated as part of a real family and was being shown good family values which is a far cry from being with her mum.

HTH xxx

its natural to feel that way....but give it time...when its not your child it takes time for a bond to form. but it will. i think you will find the first few weekends with her a bit hard work..it will be all new to her and she will take a while to settle into the new routine. but im sure with time u two will become close in your own way

i kinda know how you feel, my two step kids both live with me and my dh. my dsd is 18 years old and my dss is 16 years old and has cerebral palsy.  I find it really easy to get on with my dss as he is such a loving boy but because there is only a ten year age gap between myself and my dsd and i think she resents the fact that me and her dad have had a baby together and now we're expecting another in feb.

i just try and think of activities that will interest the whole family but don't involve us being in each others face too closely such as swimming or going for bike rides

I am really struggling to connect with dsd who is 7, dh and I have been going court for the last 2 and a bit years for access, we have only been together just over 3 and when we first met I met her once, then access was stopped until last year. It has been stopped and started since June last year and has really taken its toll on all of us. Now we have our ds who is 10 months old and every second weekend we travel 260 miles round trip with him to spend 5 hours on a Sunday with her.

Now she is very affectionate towards me, and we have a giggle, and as long as I am thinking of her as someone elses child I am fine, as soon as I think about the fact that dh is her dad I want to take a step back. I dont understand it, she is a nice little thing, can be spiteful and selfish but all kids can at some point if they dont have rules. I just dont know what to do, we had her today and had a lovely time etc but I kept having moments, especially when my ds was missing out where I was just really numb to the whole situation. I explained it to dh and he is totally understanding what I am saying but I dont want to feel like this. She is due to start staying at our house one weekend a month (if her mum doesnt muck about again) and I am worried that I am not going to bond with her and she is really trying to get as close as possible to me bless her.

Is it normal to feel this way? Is it because we are only seeing her 5 hours a fortnight that I feel like this? I just dont know what to do! xxx