thanks emns you have hit the nail on the head with one of the things you thought he might be doing, and i have no regrets in saying what i have said and in fact my dh tried to talk to him yesterday and got nowhere because he knows what he is doing and is arrogant enough to think he wont be caught so dh said the same thing to him that he will no longer be welcome, near us or our kids.  I dont think for a second it will change anything but we have to take a stand against it especially when his mother wont she lets him do these things in and from her house !

There is only one other option open to us to stop him (i.e police) and my dh is not willing to do it just yet, i probably would but its not my call.  thanks for your reply anyway

If what he is doing could have an effect on the family directly then no.

For instance if he is doing drugs or selling them then you don't want him around young children for 2 reasons one is the risk of him going mental and hurting them, the other is him dropping drugs out his pockets and children eating them.

If he is stealing it less of a problem, but gang type stuff could impact if a rival gang find him out side your house.

If you think he posses a risk to the family as a whole then speak to him directly about the decision to exclude him from the house.

Emma

Hi, i dont post here very much but i thought you might be able to help. I have 2 step sons who are 19 and 20 anyway one of them is involved in doing something he shouldn't which is illegal and i really don't agree with it, neither does my dh but he feels he is in a tough position and doesn't know what to do. I have told dh that until he sorts himself out and stops doing what he is doing i do not want him anywhere near our house or my children, not that he comes here often anyway.  Anyway i know i am being vague about it all but do you think this was an ok thing for me to do or should i just butt out of it all as i have been told to in the past.