Whatever's gone on it's important that you don't talk badly of their mum in front of them.  They'll grow to resent you for it. 

Try and keep your true feelings and concerns between yourself and dp, and let the children think you're happy for them that they can see their mum.  No matter how many times she lets them down you'll be there for them and as they get older they'll understand and appreciate everything you've done for them. 

I know sometimes it's hard but take a deep breath and smile, even if you don't mean it x

i have a 15 year old stepson and he has been living with us for nearly 3 years now, after realising what his mother was like...

so my advice is that at the mo they cant see whats going on but hang in there, they will see it soon enough...  its hard to watch but you will hurt them and yourself more if you stop the access and keep telling them how bad their mother is...  this is what my stepsons mother did to him for years, only she was lying...

good luck... xxx

It must be so hard for you. The children will realise i time. If you could imagine that they were your own children, they would more than likely act the same way if an aunt was taking them out and spoiling them for the day. She's not going to have that bond with them that you have.

Good luck

didn't want to read and run...

I can see why you'd be upset.

To be blunt about it, from what you have said she is their mother only in the biological sense and you are in their day-to-day lives. Also as your OH has full custody I imagine that you also have certain responiblities to them  - collecting from school etc ??

Just remember even after a weekend of being spoilt (probably her guilty conscience (sp?) for leaving them) they'll come home to you and their dad

I live with my df and 2 kids - aged 7 and 9 (who he has full custody of) There mum walked out on them when the youngest was 8 months old. she has on and off for last few years been getting visits with them. the kids fink she is brilliant and so nice. She buys them lots of gifts takes them places. yet when Youngest was 5 he was rushed to hospital with apendicitus, df let the mum know yet she didnt bother to come down and c him (she lives in scotland) she never sends birthday cards, she has recently started sending xmas presents. The courts said she cld write to them as much as she wants. they have never recieved a letter from her. I have been there more for the kids than she ever has. The kids are seeing her this weekend and thats all they've been going on about "im so excited were seeing mummy at the weekend" I know that in the end there gonna get hurt and even tho df has tried to explain that she never sends letters or never came down when he was in hospital twice they still fink she is the best. It really upsets me about how excited they are to c her. I really dont want them to get hurt.

Sorry its abitlong, just upset about it all.

Emma
xxxxxxx