My current partner pays quite a lot for his kids, and when his ex tells him they need stuff he will go and buy it still. Personally I don't think he should. She is already getting enough. I never asked my ex to pay for things as I knew full well he would not get anything. I have had no money from him since the summer now and I know I cannot even ask him to pay for some trainers that the LO needs as he won't buy them even though he is not paying for their upkeep still. Makes me mad.

Hi,  DF has paid maintainence from day one but she has recently gone to the CSA no idea why but it's her perogative! as such we have discovered certain things which may help...

Jellybean;

Legally if you are paying maintainence you do NOT have to pay for anything else as that is your contribution to the welfare of the child. However, if the ex is refusing to send cloths etc then you are kinda stuck.  My DFs ex doesn't seem to get this either and actually has the audacity to ask my sd to bring back clothes she has left here that we didn't buy! Poor child is only 6 and apparently she's expected to remember who has bought what!!!! We have have taken the view that we want her to feel as at home  here as she does at her mother's so she has her own room, clothe toys etc here.  DFs Ex has also decided to stop paying for before and after school care for sd so we are now having to pay for that too.  CSA have said that there is nothing they can do so basically we are paying twice in more ways than one!

I have to say i don't begrudge paying for these things for my sd, while we can afford it, at the end of the day it's not her fault but it does knark me slightly that his ex is able to get away it and comes out better off!

Metgoth;

If you are having trouble recovering monies owed by the other party it can be claimed directly from their wages. Really don't know how this is instigated but I'd call the CSA and find out how and if they can do it in your case.

HTH

Hi, My DH has always paid every month for my tep son who is nearly 11, we have him every weekend and half of the ho;idays,.  We have learnt that it is best to keep clothes at our house for him as his mother used to send him in clothes that were too small hoping we would send home new clothes!!!!  we always pay for the activities he does on a weekend and if he has to go to a holiday club here with us while i am work then we also pay for that.. However my DH ex stillis not happy with that and spends the money she gets on herself like having her nails done and nights out and expects us to pay for school uniform and holiday clubs when he is with her.. well we have put our foot down, as much as it breaks our hearts to see step son go without she needs to lean and we have a DS and another lo on the way to think of also!  Sorry to go on but i don't see how the csa helps really as they say how much we pay but not what it should be spent on i.e the child not nail extensions !! xxx 

Hi metgoth i will tell you what the CSA told me- LOOK ON THE PAYMENT AS A BONUS DON'T COUNT ON THE MONEY! Their words not mine

oh and they girl only get to see there mum 1 hour very two weeks with a socal worker in the room there not allowd to see her any other time or stay over  and danny dos not see him mum any more as socal work put a no contact exspect letter order on him

well she was mnt to pay last week she text and said would pay today but texts today to say wages has gone up and she not to pay now as there investgating how much she should pay  we called csa she is being invstgated but she should still make payment todai and i been told onces your earning over £199 a week it’s 25% of that no mater how meany kids u got  she going to bloody pay this months £20 whats over a week late if it the last thing i do it not the money it the pricsable of the thing aftr all she go adout saying to peaple that one day her kids will be back in the rightfull home besides her even low socal work told her she niver getting them back she get thm nouthing at all she only spends £5 on them for there birthday and xmas and it cheep crap that breaks in ten secs

Hi metgoth you could try asking the csa to do a wages check to make sure she's paying enough it should be 15% of net earning if child spends less than 52days year or 10% if more than 52days. Thats what i did but that was for one child not sure if the %'s change for more than one. 

i have a dif prob with csa i look after my 3 step kids full time with my hubby and we bye everything the mum gets nouthing for thm she only has to pay £20 a month for them all and she allways late with it and is working so how sh get away with paying £20 a month for 3 kids kids  beyond me that bassicly pays for nouthing

i guess it comes down to how well ur get in with ur ex i'm very fortunate that i get on with my ex and he sees ds every weekend and has him for 1/2 of all holidays.he pays mantenince but still buys ds clothes ect which stay at his house and pays for any activites he does at weekends swimming/music lessons ect.the only thing he doesnt buy is school uniform. when ds was younger i used to send him with stuff but once his dad had his own place he started keeping stuff  for ds as he has his own room there.

Sorry to but in, im from the other end of the scale. My ex is just starting to pay (next month) for my daughter (shes four) and she has gone this week to spend week with him. She had a suitcase of clothes with her. I always give her things to wear because my ex is hopeless and would not know where to start even when we lived with him. Tho he has had to buy her some this time coz the dope lost the suitcase with her stuff and some of his in it. I have seen quite a fw cases where ppl have had to fork out for the kids coz the parents dont seem to give a toss what the kids wear. I dont think the parents who pay the csa should have to buy clothes unless they want to..(party dress or some sort of special outfit)........

We keep all our own clothes etc here but purely for the fact that when his daughter comes for contact shes got clothes too small and stained etc so we prefer it. For christmas and birthdays everythng she gets stays here i refuse to send it back we pay csa to her so she can provide for her daughter, as for nappies etc i think they should be sent with the child as csa is for things like that x

dh son always has his own stuff with him, so much so she hates him having any toys/clothes at ours. As it means he may have a nice time with us! God forbid!

DH pays maintenance and we pay for him when he's with us.

Hi jellybean, my step children have never brought anything with them, when they come to visit. We don't mind paying for stuff whilst they are here eventhough we pay maintence. We wouldn't want to pay for stuff like swimming lessons and clothes etc. Just keep and stuff whilst they are here.

i really dont mind paying for things for her. i was just curious as to wether everyone had this situation. thanks for the reply. x

My dh has always paid maintance from day one & from the start the ex never sent anything at all with her son so we always had to have spare clothes here for him (she was being spiteful) as the years past she did start to send a few bits but we did always have spare at our house.

TBH if the ex won't send anything then i'm afraid there is not much you can do about it hopefully things may get easier in time.

we pay csa for dh daughter which i agree to as she is his responsability as much as her mums, but do you pay for things you needs when you have them for the weekend? dhs ex has decided to not send her with much and am wondering what people think of this. i thought the idea of csa is to contribute to your child.