I'm not suggesting you go for residency but ask for contact to be every week end Sat&Sun and a day mid week to help her........................

Emma

Oh pays through CSA and we also give her money for pushchairs, clothes etc when she needs. Mil takes lil man swimming once a week at the gym which mil pays for. Oh does everything he can for both the boys and really misses lil man when he goes home, I feel bad that I can't do anything to help. Ex does make things very difficult.

Although I think if we did try anything ex would stop oh seeing lil man. After a disagreement on the school lil man would be attending this was just what happened until mil managed to talk the ex round.

No it isn't!

If she really is pregnant and drinking, having her mum support her still etc not a great start.

You'd have to prove her drinking. You'd also have to prove how many nights she is looking after him etc.

You could ask if she would prefer you to have a more active roll, say having him every week end 1 or 2 nights through the week.

Do you pay any thing towards his up keep?

Emma

There is no residency order in place. Just a verbal agreement that lil man will spend every other weekend with us tho we often have him for 3 weekends a month and the odd night here and there if the ex wants to do something.

Its so nice to see the boys together, our baby boy watches every move lil man makes, and lil man gets upset when he can't help look after his baby bro.

Another worry we have is that the ex frequently lives with her mum as she 'cannot afford electricity' for her council house yet she will happily go out drinking with her mates over the weekends and pay for spraytans etc (we know this to be true as on some of these occaisions we will look after lil man) and has recently told oh that she is pregnant again (by a new boyf).

Oh is convinced that no matter what, the decision will automatically be that the mother will be granted custody, please tell me that this isn't always true!

If you are that concerned you need to seek legal advice.

Has she got a residency order in place at the moment? It sets out in court who has legal residency and the times his dad can see him.

Would her mum support you going for custody if she could still see her granchild?

Emma

Very true, I have to agree if I was in that situation I too would fight my hardest to keep my son.

We picked the lil man up on fri as we had made arrangements to spend a long weekend together, and today (mon) we took him back. It has been mentioned by my mil that the ex now has 2 kittens, lets just say that was obvious as soon as she opened that front door to her house the revolting smell of cat urine filled the air leaving my partner gagging as he walked back to the car. Then we realised that each night that the lil man stayed with us we would call the ex so the lil man could say night ect because he was missing his mummy. Each night she was out and we later find that ex was out from the fri when we picked him up at ex's mums house til today when we dropped him off at ex's actual house. So cats had been left to do as they please from Fri to today (mon) at least, no surprise that it smells!

We are concerned that this could cause health problems for the lil man, surely it can't be healthy for him to sleep/play etc amongst cat urine?!

He has no routine/stability when staying with the ex. She regularly (by regularly I mean at least once a week) will leave him with anyone that will have him, sisters, friends, grandma, mil or us. Or if no one will have him she will take him with her to her friends house where they will all get real drunk on Vodka (and then, much to my annoyance, ring me and call me a c*nt on the phone). When we ask lil man where he is living (ex switches from her council house to her mums) he will mention his grandparents and aunts but not his mum.

It upsets us both to take him home and leave him in such a situation, it seems so unfair

You would only have a chance if his mother is an unfit mother i.e. is an alcoholic, does drugs, hits the child, leaves him on his own - is neglectful etc. It takes a lot for a judge to separate a child from its mother. Is she any of these things? If so you could have a case. You have to think hard about it before going down this road as even though you and your partner may feel that the child would be better off with you this can just be wishful thinking on your part and might not be what the child wants at all. I have thought the same thing in the past but when I look back I only thought this way because she was such a pain and she hated me so it would have been easier for me if the kids lived with us as then she couldnt pull the strings. Now I am a mother I realise that no-one can love a child the way its natural mother can and if my husband and I ever split up he would have one hell of a fight on his hands if he thought he could take my son from me that I carried for 9 months, gave birth to and loved him and cared for him as only a mother could.

My oh and I would love for his son to live with us, and to be honest opinion from family/friends is that his son would be better off living with us too. Is anyone else going/gone through this?

Is it likely to happen? I really don't think oh's ex would agree to it. But would we have a chance? How would we go about it? Really don't know where to start