I just wanted to reply as I have a similar situation where as I have 2 boys 11 & 9 from a previous relationship and a 6 month lo with my new dp (this was his first child. He has always wanted a big family but to be honest I feel as though we already have one. The difference being of course that I have 3 children as oppose to his 1. It's a very difficult situation and I suppose on retrospect these things should be talk about before planing a family but life doesn't work like that.

You talk about being sterilised which to me means you have made your mind up not to have more kids even if this means losing your partner. It's something you need to sort out together but I don't think it should mean him breaking up his existing family because he has an urge to have more kids. I think he needs to be more sympathetic towards your age also. Being pregnant in your late 30's isn't like being in your 20's. It's hard work and has it's risks.

Good luck i hope you sort things out. Let us know how you get on.

I'm not sure what to say but you both need to agree on the result.

I know you are starting a new job this year but could you try in say April May next year? That would give you time to settle in etc. You would then have to work out a cut off date incase it takes a while so your youngest was say 1/2 years old so you would be back at work before eldest was at uni. Yes you should help support him but also he should help support him self with a part time job. Also it would give your youngest a play mate etc very soon he will be like an only child. Also you may get extra money with tax credits etc as you will have 4 children so amounts change.

Also by having one more you've reached a comporomise of 2 out of 3 but get sterilised after the next one. To be honest from time to time I end up with extra children here, I already have 3 and can gain up to 5/6 for a week or 2 at a time, the only difference is more food and washing. In your case the boys may help a little as they are so much older.

If you really can't face it all come clean but he may well resent it long term and it could cause problems.

I have the oposite problem of wanting a fourth but knowing it is not possible as I was sterilised at the birth of my last as I nearly died again at delivery.

Emma

I have never posted on this forum, although I am a regular on bounty.

I'm 38 nearly 39 I have 3 boys aged 15,11 and 2. My eldest 2 are from aprevious relationship, my youngest is from the relationship i'm in now and have been for 4 and a half years. The problem is my partner would like another baby and I don't . He is 5 years younger than me. Some of his friends are now starting to have 2nd babies which does not help me. We have had things difficult for the last 4 years (financially although dp has a good job and I wk he was in a lot of debt when I met him). Anyway things are getting finacially better now and I want to start enjoying life without worrying. Whilst talking the other night dp said he thought he would always have 2 or 3 kids. I don't want him to regret not having anymore if he stays with me. I'm getting to old plus the logistics of another baby would not be practical. I am about to start a new job in sept too. So I want to put everything into it as I have wanted this job for a long time. I know we need to sit down and have a proper talk about it, but I don't want us to split up,but then i would not want him to stay for the sake of it. I can fully understand that he wants more children. I just don't know what to do because if i had another baby it would not be for the right reasons. I would like to get sterilsed.  sorry for it been long plus my eldest son is going into his last year at school and he want s to go uni when he leaves at 18 which I will have to help fund