OOOOPS JUST REALISED IT WAS YOUR EX WHO WANTED THEM FOR 1ST XMAS, SOZ. I RECON YOU SHOULD LET HIM ITS ONLY GONNA BE 1ST ONCE AND WOULDNT YOU IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND? XX

HI, AM NEW ON HERE BEEN ON 7-12. RIGHT, THIS YEAR WE HAVE OUR 9M LO SO I WANTED TO HAVE MY DS AND MY DFS DD XMAS EVE FOR LOS 1ST XMAS. WE HAVE NEVER HAD DD OVER XMAS EVE SO WAS SUPRISED TO BEABLE TO HAVE HER. MY DS IS GOING TO SCOTLAND (IM IN BRADFORD) WITH HIS DAD TO SEE HIS OTHER HALF SIBLING MEANING WE WONT HAVE HIM XMAS EVE IM A BIT GUTTED BUT IF HE DOESNT GO THEN HE WONT GET TO SEE HIS HALF BROTHER FOR MONTHS AS HE AND HIS DAD LIVE IN WALES. WE USED TO TAKE IT IN TURNS TO HAVE MY DS ALTERNATE XMAS-NEW YEAR IF YOU GET ME. IF YOU REALLY WANT THE KIDS TOGETHER FOR LOS 1ST THEN TRY MAKE IT HAPPEN EVEN IF THE KIDS HAVE TO GO LATE MORNING LIKE MY DFS DD IS DOING YOU WILL STILL GET THE WAKING UP TOGETHER. SORRY TO GO ON IT CAN BE A BIT COMP. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE ANYWAY. XXX

I think you should let him go this once, although I can understand how hard it will be.

We normally have my dss & dsd for a few hours xmas morning (9-12ish) and then they go to there mums new DP's familys for xmas dinner (a 4 hour drive away) and stay till new years eve when we get them back till they go back to school.

the xmas before last she asked if she could go down south before xmas (so we didnt see them at all on xmas day) but said this xmas we could have them xmas eve and as it was the 1st xmas our DS understood it was lovely to have them all together.

I hope you sort it out x

My dh's sons mum has never let us have him for christmas morning, but wants dh to pick him up at lunch time on christmas day this year, which he wont be doing as we live 1 1/2 hours away from them and its not fair on either of them to spend so long in the car on christmas day!!

We usually pick him up from school the day they break up for christmas, then drop him off christmas eve. His mum has him over night, all day christmas day then we pick him up boxing day morning (very early!) and have him till after new year. Weve done this every year since Ive been with dh and weve never spent a new year out on our own!

Ive asked dh to see if we can change it this year and have him sleep on christmas eve as our dd understands christams this year and would love them to be together opening their presents. Doubt she'll allow it tho!

with my ss we alternate it each yr he spends one xmas eve with us goes home to his mum for dinner the next xmas he spends xmas eve with his mum and has xmas dinner with us, as for my dd going to her dads over xmas i have her every xmas eve, morning and for dinner then she is picked up by her dad at 6pm ready for boxing day at his he does exactly the same as us with the going to sleep thinking santa is coming again so she has two xmas days really one with me and one with her dad it works for us and her.xx

just re read your original post and realised he is your son not step son sorry,

still wont change my opinion but think that the present scenario could apply to both sides of the family, sometimes children have that many presents it gets abit overwhelming for them so it might be nice to break up the day by having a couple of presents after lunch.

xxx

we have sd alternate xmas so that each parent gets the opportunity to open presents with her though its fair to say we dont have a great relationship with her mum

I think it is the child who misses out if they are only able to spend xmas morning with just one side of the family. If the mum really cannot let him come to you xmas eve then why not save his presents from your family till after lunch? afterall santa knows that many children have to travel about xmas day so he knows where to deliver presents.

Just because a child lives with their mum doesnt mean dads shouldnt get to spend xmas morning with them. Sometimes i think parents need to step back and look at whats best for the child not them.

Just my opinion and i appreciate everyone has their own opinion.

Hope it all gets sorted so everyone is happy but most importantly the little boy

xxx

xmas is such a hard time this is what we do       christmas lunch-  partners family,  christmas tea- dad n stepmums house, boxin day- mum n stepdads house,  doesnt leave much time 4 us but we do have the mornin,   just glad partners parents not devorced or would b tricky, gunna have new baby nxt yr, so havnt got a clue what will happen then, carnt lug 2 kids round with pressies,       at least it has stopped the rows 4 a couple of yrs   x                        

I agree ith the post bleow about keeping things "sweet". But what happens wen the parent who does not look after the child, decides all of a sudden when the child leaves..they want as much contact as possible?? Is it fair when they have years to bond and dont even try, then try to take the child on al family celebrations?? Is it fair for someone to spend years fighting for them to want the child around, only to give up when its not happeneing,for that person to change their tune?? It may sound bitter....but there are situations that do not conform,. I hope you have got your xmas sorted out and enjoy it either way..

we take it in turns to have my ss over the christmas holidays, if we have him for xmas then its for the whole time, including xmas eve, boxing day new years eve and day coz we live 300miles away it would be impossible to have him just for the day etc, we were lucky that the year we had ss for xmas i gave birth to his new brother (born 22nd december) so we all spent xmas together which is fab coz the last thing i ever want is that my ss to feel pushed out coz we are having children i always want him to know that he is part of this family also, i do not see any harm in letting your son go to his dads for xmas eve, i think your ex will be eternally gratefull and his new partner and they will really appreciate your sacrifice as they know how much it means and it will therefore keep relations good between you all and then if you need to change anything at some point your ex will hopefully be more accomodating. to the post who said somthing about why should the father enjoy only the celebrations etc i think that is a really bitter expression by someone who isnt thinking fo the needs of the child, for most fathers when they no longer spend each day with there flesh and blood it breaks them up inside and it especially hurts around the holidays, a child has 2 blood parents whoboth love and want to be witht the child therefore both should enjoy birthdays xmas etc etc

I forgot. When i had my dilemma bout xmas..a friend of mine said something to me which i thought was very apt..."why should you have the kid all year round go through sleepless nights early mornings etc, and he only takes her on celebrations??" I have to admit i agree. If e do all the work, why do they get all the fun-times???

I can see the dilemma because i have a similar one myself. Im due just after new year so i tld my lo dad that she cannot have xmas with him as we want her for the birth etc..so she does not get jealous. In your case i would say tel him he can have the boy after xmas lunch. The only reason it is important for my dd to stay is because she lives with us so have to "nip it in the bud" Wheres if your lo does not live there most of the time, there is no necessary need for him to be there.....just my opinion..*shrug*

My dh and I have never once in 12 years had his kids for xmas morning or even seen them at all on xmas day so I commend all those women who take turns over the xmas period. Good for you.

I also grew up in a stepfamily as well as being in one now and my mum always let my dad take turns and one year we spent xmas eve and day with our mum and the next year our dad, which we liked.

My advice is let your ex have this one xmas morning with his son. It's not really a big thing to ask - it is his son too after all.

hey all, well my ds goes to his dads xmas day eve and stays over night till late afternoon boxing day. however my dps children are coming to stay this xmas eve will e great having all the kids together. dps ex alows their kids to stay everyother xmas eve and every other newsyears eve, however i would never let my ds stay at his dads and not spends xmas morning with me.... i couldnt stand it.

Hi,

This xmas will be my ds firsts xmas and im very excited!! my df has a soon to be 3yr old daughter and we are hoping to have her xmas eve so we can all share xmas morning together. I understand that it must be hard for you as you want your LO with you but if its just this one year then maybe you wouldnt mind? it can always go back to normal next year. We are quite lucky as dfs ex doesnt seem that bothered as to when we have his dd but i know he would be upset if we couldnt have her for the morning. hope this helps.

Could you do a swap in that he goes Christmas eve and comes back to you after Christmas dinner, You then have a family Christmas with him boxing day?

I know it's hard but it will be nice for him to share his Christmas between families.

Emma

Hi

I can understand you want him home christmas morning. You should be glad that his dad wants him for xmas morning. Maybe just this once you could allow it you seem to have had him every year opening his presents in da morning.

Its a very hard one and to be honest i dont know what would be best as i can understand youll want to be with him Christmas morning. Whatever you choose its going to be hard on you x

every xmas ds has gone to his dads xmas day lunchtime.he stays for  boxing day (which me and dp have as our family day as hes goes to see his kids xmas day)then comes home the next. even after i had dd and ds2 we kept it the same however his dad had a new baby this year and they want ds to stay over xmas eve so that they can all share babes 1st xmas morning which i guess i can understand but tbh i dont really wanna miss having xmas morning with all the kids together .

what would u do/what do u do for xmas? any advice thanks